[selfishguy]

S was my best friend for years. We hung out all the time, saw each other once a week at least, and I never felt so connected to anyone in my life, girlfriends aside.

I had a bit of a crush on her, but I have a girlfriend who I care deeply about, and she was my romantic future. I thought she would be one of my best friends though, once my crush faded.

However, a guy messed her and one of my other close friends around. I told him to go **** himself, and although at the time she was happy with it, she actually still liked him and decided a few months later I was a ****.

She then sent me this email.

Hi,

I know you're finding this change in our friendship hard. I'm sorry but I'm going to make it harder and tell you some things that will be tough to hear, but I clearly need to say them. Hopefully they will help you understand a little more about what's happened to us.

I have asked for space. I actually feel quite angry that you have chosen not to respect this or listen to me and you are trying to push me back into your life again because this is what you want. You haven't even attempted to reference the fact that I have asked for space, you have just bounded back into how things have always been because you have decided that you've had enough time apart without caring what I have told you I need. I know you want us to go back to how we were but I'm afraid that's not going to happen.

There have been a number of issues around our friendship which have been playing on my mind for a while and I've finally got to the point where I need space. I've always found you to push me - far far far too hard - to spend as much time with you as possible. I've struggled with this. Whenever I've said no (for whatever reason), you've come back with more suggestions, I've said no and again - more suggestions flood me. It's absolutely suffocating and selfish. I don't want you to think that I've hated spending time with you, you're a lovely guy who's been a great friend to me over the years but you've got to learn not to push people so hard, ironically it actually pushes them away. People will spend time with you because they want to - you're fun guy - not because you've forced them finally accept an invitation to something just to stop the pushing. I'm sorry to say that on occasion (not every time) I've done this and have felt manipulated into doing what you wanted me to do.

It also didn't register at the time (Dave arrived and immediately told me, but I didn't take it in), but I realise now that you purposefully told me a different time to meet you in Richmond to the time you told Dave and Jeff in order to spend time alone with me. This upsets me hugely as it's such a manipulative thing to do. It's got me wondering how many other times and situations have you tried to turn to your advantage in this way. I don't in any way think you've manipulated every situation but I do think you become more desperate to see me when I've not had as much time to see you and I find that exhausting and, honestly, annoying.

The LJ situation was the moment when I realised we really needed time apart. You reacted differently when it was me to when it was Anne and I understood more than ever why you've always been so keen on me spending as much time with you as possible. I know you said that you were just as annoyed and sent him a mail when it was Anne but I'm sorry to say that I don't believe that. I'm not going to get into it because I've only got your word to go on but I think it's important you know that I believe you reacted differently when it was me.

I'm sorry if the above comes across as harsh, but I don't think you have been able to accept this change and so I feel it important you understand in more depth how I feel. It doesn't change the fact that I think you're a great guy who's been a hugely important part of my life for many years. Please respect that I need this space and try to move on. Don't think I've hated spending time with you, I wouldn't have spent time with you if it wasn't fun, it's just come to a point where I need to pull away from this friendship.

S x

It broke my heart. She won’t take my calls or answer my emails. I wish I handled it better and played it cooler. I feel she was my soulmate and I ruined it.

[wish_I_was]

I had a similar situation happen to me recently. I poured a lot of care and love into a friend of mine but he has completely backed away from me. We dated very briefly and both of us were ok with just being friends. But he seems uninterested in putting forth any effort anymore. It's really depressing as I have hardly any friends and tried to be the best friend possible to him. You and I deserve a best friend that will feel the same towards us and appreciate us. It's time to cut our losses and try to make new friends. At least that's what I'm trying to do after my heartbreak.

[namastewoman]

Hi getting over someone,
I was the person that sent a guy a similar email (after several phone conversations and face-to-face talks) and had to stop taking his calls and returning his emails because he would not listen when I said I needed space. I loved spending time with him and actually miss him very much, but he was so clingy and unwilling to allow space for us to be individual people and a couple. The same thing happened to me before him and again after him. I have been on both ends and I think meeting someone new will help you move on and practice your new behaviors. Good luck, it is hard being lonely and missing someone.