[cool09]

I'm confused about my parents and brothers (especially parents). Seems like they're lost when they're confronted with hardship and/or try to exercise intimacy within the family. I think something like love is something you have to practice to be good at and I think lots of people really don't know how. My parents express love to a degree but it seems like they're lost: when they get to a certain distant area (when I express extreme hopelessness, doubt) they don't know how to act or what to say. (btw, I'm 50, on SSDI, been struggling last decade. Parents in mid-70's.)

I mean I've never run across my parents having intimate or deep talks with each other which totally baffles me. Lots of strange dynamics going on in my family which I don't think will ever change. Everyone's on a different wavelength. fyi: There is no animosity, dislike, grudges within my family and my middle-class upbringing was very good, as well. (I don't remember my parents ever having intimate, deep, serious talks with their parents, either.)

What's the general consensus? Are most families like this?

Well, I'm 65, so I'm not as old as your parents, but I am old enough to know that back when your parents grew up, deep, meaningful discussions simply were not held for the most part. People just didn't talk about things the way they do today. And also you were taught at an early age that you didn't talk about family business outside of the family. So, for the most part, you just kept your problems to yourself. It's difficult to outgrow that.

[trying2survive]

Originally Posted by cool09

I'm confused about my parents and brothers (especially parents). Seems like they're lost when they're confronted with hardship and/or try to exercise intimacy within the family. I think something like love is something you have to practice to be good at and I think lots of people really don't know how. My parents express love to a degree but it seems like they're lost: when they get to a certain distant area (when I express extreme hopelessness, doubt) they don't know how to act or what to say. (btw, I'm 50, on SSDI, been struggling last decade. Parents in mid-70's.)

I mean I've never run across my parents having intimate or deep talks with each other which totally baffles me. Lots of strange dynamics going on in my family which I don't think will ever change. Everyone's on a different wavelength. fyi: There is no animosity, dislike, grudges within my family and my middle-class upbringing was very good, as well. (I don't remember my parents ever having intimate, deep, serious talks with their parents, either.)

What's the general consensus? Are most families like this?

i don't know about most families..but mine was just absolutely awful when it came to showing love..as a child i was never ever hugged or kissed..no kisses on the cheek, none on the forehead..i sure got "disciplined" though..they were swift to beat me, no doubts there..i'm still not close to either of my parents to this day