[Zen888]

Hi

Due to recent events in my life I have become emotionally withdrawn. I have joined some courses. How do I intiate friendships with ppl that will be long term and not just for the duration of the course? Any other ideas on how to increase my socialization would greatly be appreciated.

[Zen888]

bump

oooooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh nnnoooooooooooooooooooooo........you're asking ME? seriously, i have a big problem with this. i've made a really good friend at the library. a young man who is intelligent and can hold a really good conversation. so that's ONE..........libraries are full of opportunities for friends, i think.

i don't go to "church"........i did try every one in town, almost, and found nothing to feel welcome about or warmed by. so, that's out for me now.

i did join the political party of my choice and didn't meet anyone except people who have "tea" and talk about volunteering "someday"...........

but, we cannot give up!!!!!!! it isn't allowed........love, pat

[almostangela]

They say, that if you have one real good friend in your life, then you are blessed. I certainly don't have the answer because I don't have a social life, but I do make good connections with my coworkers, other people in classes and in my neighbourhood, but they are what they are and not likely to continue past my absense. I beleive it has more to do with our stressful society than lack of heart from yourself and others. But definately keep focused on your goal and I'm certain you will find it one day. Desire is the first step.

I've made some friends from the support group I go to. We mainly just talk on the phone & once in awhile go out to lunch. It's helpful to me to have someone I can talk to when I'm going manic or depressed.

But other than that I'm pretty isolated & do get lonely. I did take a knitting class hoping to meet some people. We chatted during the class while knitting, but it seems like everyone already has enough friends & don't seek out more.--Suzy

[Perna]

Meeting together to study for tests or help each other with writing papers, etc. is a good way. If you get a study group together of 3-4 people you can then maybe move it to a meal out and get to know a couple of the people well enough that it turns into a friendship.

I had a really good experience meeting people at "Friends of the Library" events, helping with booksales, etc. I don't know what your interests are? Find an organization to help that centers around your interests. It's both harder and easier for me going to group events; one can get use to being around people and "practice" starting conversations but it's also easy for me to wimp out and leave, not having met anyone.

Volunteering or hanging around some places (for me, the library :-) I got to meet workers and became "friends" with some of them and then hung around with them and volunteered/worked with them (backwards -- I hung around and got to know them then hung around some more volunteering for real but the whole thing was set up by me and them rather than a volunteer "agency").

One good thing about political parties, fayerody, I worked/volunteered as a county election judge. It's a twice a year thing every couple years, $100 a day!! (I use to take the day off work and thus get paid for my vacation day from my job and also from the County for being the election judge) but if you get a polling place near home, you meet your neighbors coming in and work with 7-9 other people like yourself all day so get to know them. That was very helpful for me as I got to know the people in my community better so when I saw them I could wave or stop and say "Hello," or at least identify them on the street, etc.

i did the election thing and had a blast! but.....Texas doesn't pay like that. you can't imagine how little we were paid for 14 hours.........

but it was fun!

[DavidStrong]

Perna had some good ideas. It's very hard though. Just because you're around people doesn't mean that a connection will form.

Perhaps a gym? My office-mate talks about people he meets there. I recently took my dog to a gathering I learned about off of meetup.com. Perhaps poking around that site might help you. Volunteering might be the best, but for a person like me, that would be hard.

I think the key is being around the same people in semi-structured environments. For example, a classroom would not be good because there is too much structure. A coffee shop or bar would be equally as bad because of a complete lack of structure. Something like volunteering at the library though would give you a semi-structured task to work on, which allows you to integrate yourself into a group activity. You have some flexibility to act and talk, plus you have the expectation of seeing those people again.

This is all easier said than done of course.

i forgot the gym! i'm joining this month.....lots of people there around my age! i'm excited.......pat

[biplol]

I have been blessed with 2 great ladies, really close friends and a sister that has been my friend since I can remember (she is 7 years older than me)
But it hasn't been easy at all. I have found really great ppl here, that we even took it to the next level and I have phone comunication with one of them.
What I'm doing lately is, that I found this great web site, where you cna find ppl with the same interest as yours, it's call:
http://www.meetup.com/
You can find ppl from your own city, having this same issue, hard to find friends.
I went to the 1st meeting at a great restaurant last week and I had a blast.
Hope this can help
Hang in there hon, you are not alone~