Parent with dementia

My father is in his early 80's and has dementia. He is becoming increasingly more vulnerable physically and mentally. At this stage he is becoming more easily confused, lost and is forgetting many things. I wanted to raise this topic to seek some support to help me with the emotions involved as I am finding it difficult to work out how I am feeling. I know there is loss and sadness, some anxiety and a need for acceptance, but it has been difficult to come to terms with this situation. If anyone else has been through this situation or is going through a similar situation, I would be thankful to here what emotions you have have experienced and how you have dealt with them.

It is very difficult to see someone you love develop dementia. My husband's father had dementia and we saw him go from an intelligent, funny man to a confused and sometimes very difficult person. And vulnerable is a very appropriate word to describe the situation - we worried about his welfare a lot during this time.

My husband had a hard time accepting that this was now the father he remembered. We were in charge of is care (he was widowed) and we could see that he could no longer live alone safely and there issues around that to be resolved. We both had lots of anxiety, fear, deep sadness, exhaustion, and at times, frustration and anger even though we knew his dad couldn't help his behavior.

Keep in mind that you didn't cause this issue and you aren't responsible for making it go away either. And perfect acceptance just isn't possible. In the end, we kind of bumped along and did the best we could under difficult circumstances.

Ask for help when you need it, just like you are here.

LittleLulu summed it up nicely.
I cared for my own mother for a number of years, ...anything you feel/think/don't is normal. It is hard to watch someone you knew become someone else...and, I think, there is hunger, at some point, for just a few moments of clarity, of "before", but it does not come.
Do talk to others who have been there. Get the support you need.

ps: you can PM me anytime with rants, questions, expressions....I might take time to answer as I am (till next month on the 9thor so) often without internet at the moment.
this is the beginning of a long, difficult journey---it can have its good times too...

Patience, love, and add heavy doses of hugs and humor in everyday, no matter how tiny or fleeting they may come or go.

much care
Jade

This is very tough, I know. My mom and I care for my grandma with Parkinson's. There is a forum on this site also, if you look on the bottom of the page, NeuroTalk. I just joined their support group for caretakers... They have chat, too.

I looked after my mum at home for 8 years ( dementia) and before that at a distance and it was mentally and physically draining. She would go into respite occasionally and come back worse. Would i do the same again. Hmm not sure. I guess it depends on individual circumstances. It is heartbreaking whatever you do. PM me any time if you want any support.

Thanks so much for sharing your experiences and for your support. So good to know I am not alone with this difficult situation. Your support has allow me to reflect more on my responses and I guess I have been frustrated and angry with the situation because I can't fix it. Gradually I am accepting the situation, definitely helps knowing I am not alone.