[PianogirlPlays]

Overwhelmed by collected painful hurts that I find difficult to express and then turn inward. I glance in my mind at the disappointment and these repetitive thoughts create pain in my head and body . It is very hard to stop and it really hurts a lot.

[waiting4]

I'm sorry you're hurting Pianogirl....just know we're here for you.

Originally Posted by PianogirlPlays

Overwhelmed by collected painful hurts that I find difficult to express and then turn inward. I glance in my mind at the disappointment and these repetitive thoughts create pain in my head and body . It is very hard to stop and it really hurts a lot.

Hello There PianogirlPlays. My name is Guy W. I just read your post, and must say that it is sad to think of anybody hurting. The mind can be a very vulnerable part of our lives. Yes, we tend to over think things sometimes, and make our thoughts a negative thing. I am very happy tho to say, Hey, At least you found PC, the beginning of a improvement. There are so many people here that I am sure you will find very supportive, and, If you ever just want to chat, I am allways up to making some new friends here. As I close this, I want to wish you a WONDERFULL Friday, and a great week-end. Trust me, It can get better. Just remember, Breath, and Smile !! Let it all go!!

[Frankbtl]

Hi PianogirlPlays, don't worry too much about how you're expressing things on here. If you're only able to partially express, them or if you need support in being able to express them that's fine, we're here to understand and help. So, you know, whatever you feel able to say is good.......And you know writing can sometimes help anyway. You might cross lots of things out as you're going along, but sometimes bits can stand out as to what you're really feeling/what you really want to say.
And you are right you do need to let them out/let them go. And maybe question yourself over each thought as to: do you really need/deserve to live with that going around in your head, or maybe it's time has passed and there's more, much more out there to focus on.
If you want to talk more though...........
Alison

[PianogirlPlays]

These are such kind responses they encourage me to find ways to deal with my feelings. I have really not been much understood trying in the past. One of my current struggles is around giving . I actually have enjoyed getting gifts for people on birthdays and special occasions yet I get terribly hurt when they do not let me know if they have been received or if they enjoy them. Eventually, I may call and discover they did and they do but I guess I do not do it quickly enough because I frequently end up hurting. Even now I am hurting about a birthday present to my grandaughter and over the challenge I have with getting to see her because her parents are seemingly too busy to make room for my husband or me. I feel terrible about all that and they live near us. In light of the fact that my husband is about to have heart surgery in June this unresponsiveness seems cruel. I tried to kind of push through by dropping off the presents unannounced and was quickly informed how unacceptable that was. The mother was busy, the children mostly were not but I did not get to see my grandaughter to hand her her present. I can't fight them. They hold all the cards. I have tried to be kind and friendly . Occasionally they are friendly to me. I have learned that my daughter in law had a terrible relationship with her paternal grandmother and that seems to be the underlying reason for her distance from me. I can not think of a more painful situation than being kept except for big holiday occasions from seeing these four dear grandchildren that I love. They enjoy us when we are together and it breaks my heart that we coud be so near and yet so prevented. Her family on the other hand are with them anytime. I have tried talking with my son but he doesn't deal with his wife on these things. Nothing happens. Our family is the mainly shut out one. I have tried to work with it but right now the hurt is clouding everything. I am worried about my husband's surgery. I am worried about all these unhelpful effects on me. I have tried but here I am. I do not believe that my son is really in agreement because he does at least try to make an effort. He did drive my husband for his presurgical tests and gave me a Mother's day card and present. Thankfully, I did get to see one of the children then. Unfortunately, we can not invite them all to come here because one of the girls is highly allergic to our dog. Obviously that is a part of the picture although we have tried to stay in touch in other ways. So many variables . Now...just hurt.

[brainhi]

My family (2 brothers & their families) do not do a good job about showing support, recognizing efforts/gifts and love. I always feel left out. They have all these amazing events on facebook...all the loving family photos. I am not married no family and I feel I do not have any importance in their lives. I know the pictures on facebook do not show the whole story.

Not sure if this is helpful to you pianogirlplays..but I've learned to accept it. I try very hard not to have expectations. I'm tired of being disappointed. I'm tired of feeling I have no value in their lives. I do not buy presents anymore...I write something on facebook or text them or email them. Sometimes on holidays I'm not sure they would have sent me a text if I did not send one first. I try to have people in my life that love me for me - and I love them for them - no family expectations.

I also accept they are probably sick from the way we grew up...one got help the other did not. They are trying to live the lives they did not get growing up. I do not fit into that.

[Frankbtl]

Hi PianogirlPlays, it sounds like you've got a lot to deal with right now and it must be really hard for you. But as for getting no responses for presents sent I do understand how that must seem really inconsiderate and insensitive. Though there are probably a lot of people out there who do really appreciate presents, but for one reason or another, just don't get around to responding or just don't think of/"get" of the effects of responding/not responding.
Perhaps just set a deadline for yourself of- if they haven't responded by the next day (?) just give them a call. And that's going to show them as well that you haven't just sent the presents out of a sense of responsibility/obligation but that you really do care.
About not seeing your grandchildren though that is probably really painful, right? But you know even the smallest time you get to spend with them is/can mean SO MUCH to you and to them. And just the smallest things you share with them can be amazing.
Maybe you could just try, a little more, to hold on tightly to those moments and cherish them for all they mean to you. And photos......I know they're not the same as......but they do sometimes keep things realer/keep things closer.
And if you're not able to see them that often maybe you could get some commitment for some dates you can see them, give you something to focus on/something to look forward to??
It might be you need to talk to your son about how to improve relationships with your daughter-in-law though. There may be things he asks you to do that might not seem fair in achieving this, but at least your going to have something to aim towards then, do you think?? And it does sound like your son still needs/wants you in his life...........
I know that it must be really stressful/worrying/scary (?) as well with your husbands health, but perhaps focus a little more supporting each other with what's happening with him/coming up for him (as well as trying to enjoy the relationship with him, which you'd be doing anyway if it wasn't for everything else). Sometimes just sharing, openness and honesty can help a bit in those sorts of situations. And remember you are both in it together.
And if it helps, keep on talking to us. Remember we care, and you don't have to do this on your own.
Alison

[PianogirlPlays]

Well, thank you for the responses. I do need to step back. Today was a day of hurting but I have decided to just send flowers on special occasions. I am sure the postman or delivery man will not be in trouble. Maybe hearts will soften. Tomorrow s a big day! My husband will be meeting with the surgeon. I hate that he has to go through this thing. I do know he is strong . It is a lot to pile on. Our anniversary is coming. Forty six years! I have to hold on.

[Frankbtl]

Hi PianogirlPlays, maybe you can let the situation with your son etc........fade a little into the background, for now, as you've probably got enough going on for you??
Forty six years!! Wow!!! To have a marriage last so long........and you still sound like you care deeply about him, if I'm right?! It has to be massive for you what you've got coming up though, regardless.
So, all the very best for tomorrow, by the sounds of it what you actually have/what you've achieved with your marriage is priceless. And tomorrow.........well you have each other, right?!! And just try to make that the focus.
Please "keep us posted", here for you.............
Alison

[PianogirlPlays]

Thank you for caring. I think a part of that truth is I am really scared about what is happening with my husband and I wish I had the comfort of my family. I have mentioned some of the pain that I feel to my daughter. She cares but who can really understand. Yesterday we learned that the surgery was even more extensive. My husband has been in touch with our son , who s a doctor by the way, and he has been supportive. I think I need some of that too. Maybe I need to let him know that this is a time we really need him.

[Frankbtl]

Hi PianogirlPlays, yes, maybe the main focus does need to be your husband right now and it does sound like your son really cares about what's going on.
In situations like this though, there can be so many break downs in communication and wrong assumptions e.g. sometimes children (whatever age) see their parents as pretty resilient/stronger than they are.
But then again you know maybe your son is hurting over this too, even if he isn't talking as much about it to you. I'd say that maybe you need a bit of a "heart to heart" with him and encourage him to tell you his thoughts and feelings too. Perhaps with spending some time together and really talking about things you can both/all support each other in this. But if nothing else sometimes just talking/letting things out can help just a bit.
Alison

[brainhi]

Originally Posted by PianogirlPlays

Thank you for caring. I think a part of that truth is I am really scared about what is happening with my husband and I wish I had the comfort of my family. I have mentioned some of the pain that I feel to my daughter. She cares but who can really understand. Yesterday we learned that the surgery was even more extensive. My husband has been in touch with our son , who s a doctor by the way, and he has been supportive. I think I need some of that too. Maybe I need to let him know that this is a time we really need him.

I definitley understand what this feels like. I hope you find some peace, understanding and acceptance with your family soon.Take good care of yourself.