[NYgirl21]

I'm in the process of possibly reconciling with someone and have been weighting the pros/cons, and basically analyzing everything to make sure I am making the best decision for myself. During this analysis one of my biggest issues is he wont say he loves me. We have been together about a year and a half (little bit rocky for few months in between), he tells me how "crazy" he is about me, how much he "adores" me, but wont say I Love You. I have told him in conversation I do love him, and that by me saying that it wasn't meant for him to feel pressured but I wanted him to know my feelings for him. He has also said once or twice in conversation I am in love with you, or during our break up he said I dont know why I struggled with those three words but I can say "I love you past present and future". But, when it comes to him actually saying it, he will hug me in coversation and say I adore you- jokingly I'll say you love me just admit it! He'll say nooo... I threw around those words way too fast in my past, so I drop it. I DO NOT want to force the issue, or push it, or put too much weight on it, but it's come to the point where I wonder if maybe he just cant get to that place with me and he is just dragging this out. I know everyone is on a different time line with love. I'm not sure I can continue to be with someone who isn't sure if they "love" me after a year and a half. I know to men, those words have different meaning....but if feelings haven't progressed to "loving" someone after this amount of time and the things we have been through- him telling me he has never been so emotionally connected to another ever.... I don't want to wait for ever to "fight for love." Does this make sense? I wont bring this up to him becaue I want someone to do this on their own terms, but eventually I think it will be a deal breaker for me.... is that selfish?

[gayleggg]

No, I don't thing you are selfish. I think we all want to hear those 3 little words at some point with someone we have come to love. Sounds like they are something that bring some anxiety or pain to him. It's something he will have to work out. Unfortunately, that leaves you with a problem. You will either have to let go or accept him the way he is.

[Trippin2.0]

Just because he doesn't say it, doesn't mean he doesn't feel it, and doesn't show it...

From what you wrote, he hasn't given any indication that he doesn't love you, or that he's unsure about you, seems like for whatever reason, its the verbal he is specifically shying away from until he feels ready.

If you can learn to recognize the love in his actions, then maybe you will stop doubting him, and maybe even not need to hear those 3 words so badly.

If you really can't tell how he feels about you based on his actions, then I suggest you bring this up with him, preferrably in writing.

Explain that you are unclear about whether or not he is sure about his feelings for you, tell him that you don't intend for him to say anything he doesn't mean or may not be ready for, but that he needs to give you some type of indication that he knows how he feels and is not undecided regarding his feelings for you.

Like I said,it will do you the world of good to learn to recognize the love in his actions, they do scream louder than words afterall.

[Blitter2014]

You asked for a guys perspective. ....

I am old school, even at 42, which when I was a kid WAS old ...lol

After a year and a half it is quite possible he is still unsure of what "love" is. Maybe that is why he displays it in other ways....and tried to show it.

But if he knows you need to hear those words and is holding back...
POSITIVES-
1. At least he is being honest
2. Maybe he has been hurt before or thought he was in love but later found it wasn't, hesitation may mean he's just at a different point emotionally I your relationship.
3. Hes not going to say it just to get what he wants....ie bed.

NEGATIVES-
1. Maybe you want more out relationship he does. Maybe he is already getting everything he wants.
2. He hasn't explained why he won't say...why not? I eould be concerned that he thinks your need can be 'joked' around with.
3. What else do you need that he isn't going to be able to do\ provide? What happens when you get sicker/ older?
4. 18 months is a fair length of time. If he isn't in love, what is more time going to change? Personally. ... How long are you prepared to wait?

Hugs. There are good guys out there who have no problems cherishing those we love, and if he is to be your life partner, then he should be caring about your needs more yhan even his own for a long term relationship to last.

Just my opinion......married furst time 9 years, coming up 11 years second marriage. ..

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