My half-narcissistic MD mother

I don't want to post it into the narcissistic forum as the issue is not that.

My grandmother was a big NPD case. My mother has no NPD but she picked up quite a bit of communication style from her mother. My relationship with her got better only after I moved overseas (before it, it was constantly controlling, criticizing, nitpicking etc). She's an MD, currently retired. We also have another MD in the family, and I myself got training as a TCM doctor.

I don't want to tell a lot about our relationship now (may be, next time) and what we had. I moved on (and moved away) since then. But recently she developed health problems. One thing, she's always right. Even if she was wrong, figures it out, then she's right again and denies she was ever wrong. Whatever gets into her head she's convinced is an absolute truth, even though it contradicts to the facts and to whatever she thought before. She looks sincerely surprised she believed something else before. As she aged, she's also got quite the same obsessions as my grandma. Like my grandma she has "allergies" (i.e. she has *some* allergies, but claims allergic to everything, with those constantly switching - one day she claims allergic to something, next day she's not allergic anymore, and denies she's ever been). She became a member of the same non-traditional church as my grandma (not a sect but close), quite self-righteous and rigid. She used to be medium religious but then "discovered the truth" and switched churches.

As I said, she's got health problems. She's been always a self-prescribing doctor, and did the same for the family. I don't know the technicalities, but I think she convinces her colleagues to prescribe to her. Many years ago when I got addicted to benzodiazepines and barbiturates, she was providing those to me (my side of the story - I begged her for help but she wouldn't listen, her side of the story - she was a hero who didn't abandon her messed up child, suffered stress because of me and was just giving me what I wanted myself). As far as I know, she was completely ethical to her patients and a good doctor, and a smart and bright person, it only seems to be a problem when it comes to the family and herself. Now, another MD in the family reports she's overmedicating by popping a lot of self-prescribed pills and supplements. Some bad symptoms came from side effects as she recently discovered. She stopped those pills but claims she needs something else. I point out that it's not what they medical literature says and that her own opinion was different awhile ago, but she denied it. I'm someone stupid because I looked it up "in the computer" (when I still lived with her, she told me every day not to use computers because they "cause pneumonia"; I'm not joking). I don't know how to have those conversations with her. I start from "how are you doing?", then she complains about this and that (and something got screwed up), I express my opinion and give facts why and what research I read, she would express hers that I don't know what I'm saying. She was always a big adept of natural healing, although never studied it. But if it comes from me, it has no credibility. When I was a teenager, she herself got me a book on acupressure and made me study it. Then she got me a book on yoga and made me learn it too. She never read either book herself, but still knew everything better. I learned TCM later in my life. I selected and sent her some Qi Gong exercises (which got proven very helpful under similar conditions). I know I'm not perfect and didn't guarantee anything. But she didn't even try them, instead telling me that she had a good laugh reading as I sent her something stupid. In my experience convincing people works by giving them information and facts, for their own inspection. But it doesn't work with her (at least when it comes from me), she either would refuse to read it or would totally misinterpret it. Any advice? Thoughts? Opinions? I'm not asking how to pressure her into my opinions but rather how to deal with her. It also bothers me that she's causing damage to herself.

I have a step-mom who I suspect has NPD tendencies. Everything I read on the internet is a lie and I am always wrong in an argument, yet she quotes "Dr" Phil, Dr Oz and Channel 6 all day while taking every bit of credit for already knowing it as "common sense". Sadly most of her opinions are Fifth grade logic and she is a school teacher for young kids :x Sorry for venting

But if it helps I have seen a complete reversal in speech at times when she truly feels like she has hurt me in a deeply emotional way. She'd never admit it, and it doesn't happen but once in a Jazz Blue Moon but I will say it has shown me that, when I look past all that I can't stand about her, inside she does have a heart 10,000 leagues under the sea. My guess is my step-mom struggles more than I imagine with her own feelings, and maybe she doesn't even realize because of how she has developed to protect herself from being hurt.

For those 2 minute intervals I've experienced, it has made me view her in a different way and it helps me understand a little better, whether my observations be true or not.
This has helped me learn to accept more of her actions. A deep heart to deep heart may be a very daunting and painful task but may go a long way. Tread lightly and carry a big stick!

Four_Square, thank you for sharing your observations, it's interesting. I learned to communicate to my Mom when I'm hurt, and sometimes she gets it. I also have an impression that she gets feedback in her church which she listens to. But there is currently only very little space where she can hurt me, and I don't really care. I care that she's hurting herself. She's been having numerous medical and other obsessions for her entire life and is adding more. She's a very intelligent and sensible person, but then suddenly makes up totally irrational things. A fifth grader has better logic. I know that I myself am prone to obsessions when under high stress but I learned to recognize when things are not real. May be, she's always under high stress.

Hi, I don't really have any good advice or opinions, just commiseration. Your story about the allergies is interesting to me as my martyr mother has been doing something very similar, developing all of these ever changing and insane food sensitivities that I suspect are actually related to menopause. After getting snapped at whenever I made a realistic comment about her numerous complaints, I refuse to discuss the topic with her anymore.

Would it be possible for you to speak with her doctor about the self-prescriptions and your observations?