It's a Sunday night on a 3-day holiday weekend and I'm sitting home alone. I don't dare try to do anything social.

For one, I don't seem to enjoy the company of others much, if at all. I don't know why it takes me so long to get to know people. And, I don't know why I am so picky about friends. I know that I don't trust people easily and am wary about people who are too friendly. I know that I am slow and prefer others to be the same way. I don't want anyone hitting on me sexually too soon either. I have to know some for months before I want to sleep with them. Few want to wait that long. Frankly, a lot of the time it never happens because I am not that good looking and am lacking in personality. My social skills are also very poor. It may be self-destructive in nature. Or, it may be panic. I feel panic to say something and do even if it's the wrong thing to say. I always have a hard time smiling in social situations. I am always so panicked that I never know what is going to come out of my mouth. Usually, I prefer to be left alone. As a child, I had no playmates. Mom wanted me to be her caretaker. I was not taught how to be social. An aunt who took an interest in me had social problems and taught be the wrong way to be social. It's a problem that has plagued me my entire life.

Two. I am very ill with PTSD. I have to admit it. I'm not getting any better. Therapy is not helping. Medications did not help. I don't know what to do. It was caused by years of parental verbal abuse and neglect. In the last few years it was made much, much worse by intentional harassment on the job that continued afterwards in the form of negative references to keep me out of the field and unemployed when the best healing could have been achieved through working. By depriving me of employment, they are depriving me of a life and of mental health.

Three. I'm not very well physically either. I need to get in better shape. I don't know how I'm going to manage that with my lousy body that does not let me exercise. Bad feet (can't run). Bad right elbow (no tennis anymore). Bad lower left back. Lately, bad lungs (and, I've never smoked). Can't swim much because I cramp - the heart just does not pump. It never has. I don't know what to do. Tried bike riding but don't enjoy it much.

Four. Where is the baldness cure already. I'm unattractive enough.

Five. I have lost faith in religion. My latest church was less flaky than the one before it (!) but the people I met kept sexually hitting on me. It may sound naïve but I was really there for spiritual needs, not sexual ones. And, since I'm now labeling myself as asexual (partly for physical reasons, my body does not seem to react well to sex - I get itchy all over and get urinary tract infections, it just doesn't work for me), church was not meeting my needs. Finally, I also had a hard time believing everything. A lot of it was nonsense.

Six. The epilepsy and its medications and side-effects. Sometimes I just cannot talk. I stare into space. It happens at the worst times and I have no control over it. I am like a deer in headlights. I am tired of the medication that makes me hungry all the time. I am on a new medication that decreases my appetite but has cognitive side-effects. All of a sudden, I could not recall things. I could not make conversation because I could not remember words. Goodbye meds. Goodbye doctor. I will change MDs this week. I am also tired of the dyslexia from the epilepsy and not being able to drink alcohol or to drive.

All of this leaves me very isolated and sad. I do not have the skills or the means to succeed in life. As one T one said, "how are you still alive?"

[Travelinglady]

((((unguy))))

[healingme4me]

((((Unguy))))

Sent from my LGMS323 using Tapatalk

[namastewoman]

Originally Posted by unguy

It's a Sunday night on a 3-day holiday weekend and I'm sitting home alone. I don't dare try to do anything social.

For one, I don't seem to enjoy the company of others much, if at all. I don't know why it takes me so long to get to know people. And, I don't know why I am so picky about friends. I know that I don't trust people easily and am wary about people who are too friendly. I know that I am slow and prefer others to be the same way. I don't want anyone hitting on me sexually too soon either. I have to know some for months before I want to sleep with them. Few want to wait that long. Frankly, a lot of the time it never happens because I am not that good looking and am lacking in personality. My social skills are also very poor. It may be self-destructive in nature. Or, it may be panic. I feel panic to say something and do even if it's the wrong thing to say. I always have a hard time smiling in social situations. I am always so panicked that I never know what is going to come out of my mouth. Usually, I prefer to be left alone. As a child, I had no playmates. Mom wanted me to be her caretaker. I was not taught how to be social. An aunt who took an interest in me had social problems and taught be the wrong way to be social. It's a problem that has plagued me my entire life.

Two. I am very ill with PTSD. I have to admit it. I'm not getting any better. Therapy is not helping. Medications did not help. I don't know what to do. It was caused by years of parental verbal abuse and neglect. In the last few years it was made much, much worse by intentional harassment on the job that continued afterwards in the form of negative references to keep me out of the field and unemployed when the best healing could have been achieved through working. By depriving me of employment, they are depriving me of a life and of mental health.

Three. I'm not very well physically either. I need to get in better shape. I don't know how I'm going to manage that with my lousy body that does not let me exercise. Bad feet (can't run). Bad right elbow (no tennis anymore). Bad lower left back. Lately, bad lungs (and, I've never smoked). Can't swim much because I cramp - the heart just does not pump. It never has. I don't know what to do. Tried bike riding but don't enjoy it much.

Four. Where is the baldness cure already. I'm unattractive enough.

Five. I have lost faith in religion. My latest church was less flaky than the one before it (!) but the people I met kept sexually hitting on me. It may sound naïve but I was really there for spiritual needs, not sexual ones. And, since I'm now labeling myself as asexual (partly for physical reasons, my body does not seem to react well to sex - I get itchy all over and get urinary tract infections, it just doesn't work for me), church was not meeting my needs. Finally, I also had a hard time believing everything. A lot of it was nonsense.

Six. The epilepsy and its medications and side-effects. Sometimes I just cannot talk. I stare into space. It happens at the worst times and I have no control over it. I am like a deer in headlights. I am tired of the medication that makes me hungry all the time. I am on a new medication that decreases my appetite but has cognitive side-effects. All of a sudden, I could not recall things. I could not make conversation because I could not remember words. Goodbye meds. Goodbye doctor. I will change MDs this week. I am also tired of the dyslexia from the epilepsy and not being able to drink alcohol or to drive.

All of this leaves me very isolated and sad. I do not have the skills or the means to succeed in life. As one T one said, "how are you still alive?"

First of all, hi Alone As Usual. The holidays are tough and even tougher when the weather is nice. You were not the only one all alone. I wonder why don't all the lonely people start a group and get together on holidays and weekends?

Problem 1 - not liking to be around others. It is okay to prefer one-on-one company. I think the media makes us believe we can only be happy with a lot of people around. I know a lot of people married or from big families who are just as lonely as us. This is why I try to meet guys online. It works for shy people.
Problem 2 - PTSD. Same here. I don't know about guys, but PTSD has ruined many dates for me. We'll be driving around or taking a walk and I just lose it and have to be rushed home. It pisses me off that I cannot keep a lid on this illness. I just hope someday I meet someone else with a mental illness who gets it and understands that while I need to be alone one this day, tomorrow could be totally different.
Problem 3 - the meds we take causes weight gain and the symptoms make it hard to exercise regularly. Thus, we are the ones that are not morbidly obese but there is some jiggling. I am hoping to meet someone to look past my belly. When I was thinner (before meds), I dated people of all sizes so I know there has to be someone out there...
Problem 4 - you men just don't get it, baldness is quite sexy. Rock that look!
Problem 5 - It is hard to faith in a religion when you have experienced a traumatic event. I wonder, "If ____ is real, why did ____let that awful thing happen to me?" I have since been on a spiritual path toward inner peace. I'm pissed at my higher being for abandoning me and leaving me nightmares no one should have to see.
Problem 6 - epilepsy is part of your charm. At least you have to make friends with it. I have four diagnoses: PTSD, Major Depressive Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder and Seasonal Affective Disorder and I am trying to be their friend. I wish you were my neighbor so I could go next door and give you hug. We are all struggling, look at how many people are on this website all over the world! There are literally millions of us suffering with loneliness. I hope I find a cure to share someday. Have you seen the movie HER? That seems like a good way to relieve some of the loneliness.
-I won't lie and say it will get better, but if you go to sleep and wake up the next day, you get one more try at happiness!

[namastewoman]

Ok, unguy, here is my list:
I am fat.
I am lonely.
I am broke.

[namastewoman]

Originally Posted by healingme4me

((((Unguy))))

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I am so jealous and envious and happy that you are in love. I cannot wait for my turn!