[ivakdad]

Hi. My LDR boyfriend of almost a year and I have been going through some difficult times. we argue a lot...but other than that, we now have this new issue found by him!

He says we're together in sad times but in happy times, we tend to be apart. that's true, and he doesn't like that. he says he wants to do stuff that makes him happy with me, together. and I'm kind of person that would rather be busy with her life, I don't have much interests, and the ones I've got, he doesn't share them. For me our talk on the phone was sweet enough, would charge me up, but for him apparently that is not enough.

We could always do things together more, things like music,movies,..the thing is, I don't listen much to music, I don't watch movies a lot, because I feel like I'm wasting my time. and he says he doesn't want to "force" me and so the relationship is not OK if we both don't enjoy. I would be able to do things like this once or twice a week though...but it seems that's not enough. and as we're in an LDR, there is not much else to do when apart.

So, he basically thinks we've got no way out. I think it's ridiculous breaking up over something like this. He is willing to stay if there was a solution. none of us wants to break up.

So, do we have any way out? Anyone experienced anything like this before?? Any comments?

What is LDR?

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006

What is LDR?

Long distance relationship

Just how long distance are we talking?

Originally Posted by ivakdad

Hi. My LDR boyfriend of almost a year and I have been going through some difficult times. we argue a lot...but other than that, we now have this new issue found by him!

He says we're together in sad times but in happy times, we tend to be apart. that's true, and he doesn't like that. he says he wants to do stuff that makes him happy with me, together. and I'm kind of person that would rather be busy with her life, I don't have much interests, and the ones I've got, he doesn't share them. For me our talk on the phone was sweet enough, would charge me up, but for him apparently that is not enough.

We could always do things together more, things like music,movies,..the thing is, I don't listen much to music, I don't watch movies a lot, because I feel like I'm wasting my time. and he says he doesn't want to "force" me and so the relationship is not OK if we both don't enjoy. I would be able to do things like this once or twice a week though...but it seems that's not enough. and as we're in an LDR, there is not much else to do when apart.

So, he basically thinks we've got no way out. I think it's ridiculous breaking up over something like this. He is willing to stay if there was a solution. none of us wants to break up.

So, do we have any way out? Anyone experienced anything like this before?? Any comments?

Hmmm. sounds like a difficult situation, and you may not like what I have to say.

Some of this comes from the fact that you're Long distance. The fact that you can't have any idle time together just hanging out doing sometimes Nothing but relaxing to bond and be together adds to the dilemma.

I have to ask with all the stuff you've said here, what is it that you enjoy being with each other for? I'm not being sarcastic here at all but it's something you should seriously ask yourself.

You've said you are together in sad times and not so much in happy times. That sounds like a situation where you lean on each other for support but don't need anything from each other when you're ok. I'm not sure going long term with this idea that it would give you much to hang onto. He & You sound like good friends but beyond that I don't know. If I'm completely happy with my mate/partner, I want to be with her even more when everything is well and good. Those are the best of times. So this is not a good sign of a strong tie or connection to him.

Your interests differ and you sound pretty much like you'd have to force yourself to enjoy the same things with him. If it's not something you enjoy doing - that is, sacrificing your time for him to enjoy something with you - which is entirely acceptable to enjoy, then it's probably just going to breed resentment and unhappiness. Don't sacrifice what you like or don't like to do solely because the other person likes it, unless you can enjoy the time equally it's not worth it.

If he's considering ending it, I do understand his point. You see it as ridiculous for a reason to break up but I have yet to see your reasons for staying together really. If you don't have the above things to share in, happy times and common interests, what else is there? I leave out sex, as it is something in my mind that is not enough to bind a relationship together and also it is something that I think should come after the otehr things are in order.

So ask yourself what is it that you find in him that is so enjoyable and attractive? Seriously ask yourself why you're with him.

[ChipperMonkey]

I think its important to have interests outside of the relationship, but just as important, or perhaps even more so is having common interests with your significant other. Honestly, it sounds like he is more of a supportive friend than a significant other or partner. I couldn't imagine having a partner with whom I did not share any common interests. (What do you two do for fun together?)