Something I've noticed in talking to people, listening to them and sometimes reading what they've said in different places, I've come to the conclusion that there is one thing that a lot of people could do better at with regards to being with a person they love.

I feel that many times when someone has issues with depression, bipolar or any other mental issue, the partners get on some kind of high horse and feel that because of this weakness or challenge of their counterpart they become the "strong one" in the relationship. Now this may be the case sometimes but the problem I see time and time again is not that they can be supportive and care for the other person, but in their attitude.

I see far too often people making the mistake (both genders but more often the male) of blaming much of the problems in a relationship on the partner's weakness and mental illness. This is a mistake because as soon as we do that the thing that always follows is the person in question will stop being as motivated to look at themselves in the mirror and taking any responsibility for any of the problems. Just because you don't have a diagnosed MI does not mean you are without fault and I really get tired of seeing people think this way.

I know that sometimes it's not intentional and most times they are not aware of their attitudes but I only post this to any of the non-afflicted readers here to stop and look at themselves sometime and realize having a mental illness in no way makes one a lesser person, less capable of doing right or anything like that.

/end rant

Post your thoughts..

[bluekoi]

s4ndm4n2006, How very true! Thank you for taking the time to write this!''

[ChipperMonkey]

I think this is sometimes referred to as the "identified patient" situation. Because one person has a diagnosable condition, they are automatically the "sick" one, the one who has "issues". Of course it doesn't happen in every relationship or with every person who has a mental disorder, but it does in fact happen and can have a negative impact on relationships. Sadly, it can prevent the "well" person from admitting to their own faults as its far to easy to say "you're the one who is depressed/bipolar/whatever" as there is "proof" of being "abnormal" because of a medical diagnosis. It really is sad, and as a single person who has a disorder that I will deal with for life (in varying degrees), I am careful to only keep people around who are compassionate and understanding.

[healingme4me]

Falls into the line of thinking, I have, is the diagnosis as important as how we interact with one another? MI can be used in ways that are both blaming and excuse making. Each person in whatever type of relationship they are in, is accountable for their own actions and behaviors. Resentment, is one angle, I've seen breeded through the blame game. It's unfortunate that not everyone can hold themselves accountable for their fair share of whatever type of relationship, it may be. Thanks for this thread.

[healingme4me]

That's another thing, I just thought of, and instead of an edit, just add...

The label can sometimes be dismissing. OH, s/he is angry, that is just their <insert label>. Maybe, a person gets mad about a situation?! And it really has nothing to do with whatever labels are out there.

Originally Posted by healingme4me

That's another thing, I just thought of, and instead of an edit, just add...

The label can sometimes be dismissing. OH, s/he is angry, that is just their <insert label>. Maybe, a person gets mad about a situation?! And it really has nothing to do with whatever labels are out there.

Absolutely. perhaps this thread shoudl be directed at all of us really looking at personal responsibility rather than the other person as we all sometimes do?

And not use the MI as an excuse whether for yourself dismissing your bad behavior or your partner as a lesser person or less capable.

[SunnyMills]

Originally Posted by healingme4me

Falls into the line of thinking, I have, is the diagnosis as important as how we interact with one another? MI can be used in ways that are both blaming and excuse making. Each person in whatever type of relationship they are in, is accountable for their own actions and behaviors. Resentment, is one angle, I've seen breeded through the blame game. It's unfortunate that not everyone can hold themselves accountable for their fair share of whatever type of relationship, it may be. Thanks for this thread.

YES.

You put into words what I've been thinking for years and just never knew how to say.