[MD94]

Hi Guys,

My first post so got a few things to get off my chest, sorry if it is long and really appreciate any help you may have:

Partner and I got together at 16, had a baby at 17 and have lived together from the beginning. My partner suffers from depression and at the beginning of the year spent two weeks in a psychiatric hospital. Since returning, she has been happier and improving her life. But bit by bit our relationship has been drifting off. She has become so unreasonable and says she feels like she is falling out of love for me. This is not new to me as when she was at her worst and suicidal, horrible comments and unneccesary shouting etc. is now something i'm used to and don't take too personally. But whilst everything else in her life has picked up, our relationship has slowly deteriorated and I just don't understand why. I am loving towards her, do everything I can and ask anyone around us they will say the same. I've been there for her when nobody was and because of all the help I've given her, her other relationships, friends & family have dramatically improved and she is a happy person now. All except for me. She just has some hatred towards me where anything I do or say is a lie. Im apparantly being 'sly' and she says this frustrates her the most. I understand to a point what she is saying because in situations I will word things the best way possible and clear so there is no mistake in what I'm saying to her so she cannot fly off the handle by misunderstanding, even this does not work.

The arguing lately has been constant, we are spending more time not talking in an argument that actually speaking normally at all. Each time this happens bit by bit its just taking its toll on me and her but whenever we reach a resolution to all the arguing, its mainly down to not being bothered to argue anymore and we will act as though nothing happened and be loving again towards eachother.

I want to know when really when enough is enough. We've been through so much together and if you ask any friends or family they will tell you were the best couple they've ever seen. I just feel so lost now, and I will be so frustrated if this does not work out but what am i supposed to do or even say as a defence to her when every part of her life has improved and she is happy yet all of a sudden i'm such a problem?

Thank you.

[waiting4]

Originally Posted by MD94

Hi Guys,

My first post so got a few things to get off my chest, sorry if it is long and really appreciate any help you may have:

Partner and I got together at 16, had a baby at 17 and have lived together from the beginning. My partner suffers from depression and at the beginning of the year spent two weeks in a psychiatric hospital. Since returning, she has been happier and improving her life. But bit by bit our relationship has been drifting off. She has become so unreasonable and says she feels like she is falling out of love for me. This is not new to me as when she was at her worst and suicidal, horrible comments and unneccesary shouting etc. is now something i'm used to and don't take too personally. But whilst everything else in her life has picked up, our relationship has slowly deteriorated and I just don't understand why. I am loving towards her, do everything I can and ask anyone around us they will say the same. I've been there for her when nobody was and because of all the help I've given her, her other relationships, friends & family have dramatically improved and she is a happy person now. All except for me. She just has some hatred towards me where anything I do or say is a lie. Im apparantly being 'sly' and she says this frustrates her the most. I understand to a point what she is saying because in situations I will word things the best way possible and clear so there is no mistake in what I'm saying to her so she cannot fly off the handle by misunderstanding, even this does not work.

The arguing lately has been constant, we are spending more time not talking in an argument that actually speaking normally at all. Each time this happens bit by bit its just taking its toll on me and her but whenever we reach a resolution to all the arguing, its mainly down to not being bothered to argue anymore and we will act as though nothing happened and be loving again towards eachother.

I want to know when really when enough is enough. We've been through so much together and if you ask any friends or family they will tell you were the best couple they've ever seen. I just feel so lost now, and I will be so frustrated if this does not work out but what am i supposed to do or even say as a defence to her when every part of her life has improved and she is happy yet all of a sudden i'm such a problem?

Thank you.

Welcome MD94....I'm sorry to read what you've been going thru, and yes, I certainly can understand how it would be frustrating for you. Not knowing how long you've been married, nor how long this has been going on, it's difficult to made a comment, and of course only you would know when enough was enough. However, I think you could try to get some counselling seperately from her, and then perhaps with her later on.

It seems that in trying to do everything you can for her during her illness, you've neglected yourself and what your emotional needs are. A counsellor could probably put you back on track and then you may be able to make a decision regarding your marriage, from a position of confidence, rather than fear or resignation.

Luck to you

[Travelinglady]

Hello, MD94, and welcome to Psych Central! Wow, what an early age to get into a serious relationship and to have a baby. People do change a lot as they go through their teens and into their twenties. It could be, in part, that she has changed and that's why she is now wanting a new relationship. Plus she is mentally healthier, as you say. And she might have gotten into a relationship with you based on her emotional issues at the time.

You don't say what her diagnosis is. Being in a relationship with someone with a mental illness can be tough. You are commended to have stuck by her. And I say that, knowing that I am mentally ill, too.

Do you think she would be willing to go into counseling with you? If not, then I also suggest you go alone. After talking to a counselor, then I think you can make your decision better.

If I have to answer the question right now, based on what you have said (and I only know one side of the story), then I would recommend that the two of you separate for awhile to see how much the relationship does mean and if being apart is actually a relief.

I hope things will work out for the best.