[HazelGirl]

I need your honest opinions about something.

The backstory: I grew up in a very dysfunctional home. My parents divorced when I was four. My dad was emotionally and physically abusive throughout my childhood, and I have PTSD mostly as a result of his treatment. My younger brother was the golden child and I was the scapegoat. At my mom's house, my mom and younger brother are in a narcissist/co dependent relationship, with my younger brother as the narcissist. My dad taught him to devalue women, and like I was devalued, my younger brother devalues our mom. I have worked extremely hard for the past several years to get out, and I am out. I am totally self-sufficient, while my younger brother relies on our mom for everything. He's 20, has never had a job, and has had everything given to him on a silver platter because he begs and whines and demands until he gets his way. I chose to stop contacting my dad when I turned 18, and haven't spoken to him in 4 and a half years.

The situation: My dad contacted my brother today, and went on and on about how he doesn't have a lot of time left. He told my brother that he will inherit his very expensive motorcycle and I will inherit his cheap old truck. My younger brother then tried to insist that I give him the truck because he doesn't have a reliable car (he has purchased 3 cars with our mom's money...all have been junk), and I don't need it because I do have a car that works and is reliable (that I purchased with my own money). When I suggested he sell the motorcycle instead, he said he wouldn't do that. When I told him I wouldn't just give him the car, he got angry at me and tried to guilt trip me.

Am I in the wrong in insisting that I take the truck and sell it so I have some spare money, instead of giving it to him?

[Asiablue]

No I don't think you're wrong. But tell him you'll swap him the truck for the motorcycle see how he likes that lol

[HazelGirl]

Originally Posted by Asiablue

No I don't think you're wrong. But tell him you'll swap him the truck for the motorcycle see how he likes that lol

He wouldn't agree to that, either.

[waiting4]

Originally Posted by Asiablue

No I don't think you're wrong. But tell him you'll swap him the truck for the motorcycle see how he likes that lol

I agree and TERRIFIC idea......of course, make sure you step back when you suggest it because the eruption will be epic!! lol

[sweepy62]

No you are not wrong at all, your brother needs to grow up, and take responsibility, he is using you, by guilting you. If you give in, you are enabling him, sorry if im blunt, just looking out for you. Sell the truck, and get yourself something, or save it.

let him throw a tantrum. Dont give into him.

I dont think you are wrong. The truck is a gift to you from your father. If your brother wants it...he should pay you the kelley blue book value for it..... If you want to have the "inheritance"

[granite1]

not at all. the truck is yours and he can very well sell the bike.

[unaluna]

Omg. My dad told me a few years before he passed, and now i am saying it to you. I didnt believe or understand when he told me. Anyway he said, "dont let your mother and your brother screw you out of your inheritance." im sorry this is happening to you. Tell him the will is the will. Altho your poor dad isnt even gone yet and already your brother is acting like a twit. He really should shut up in case your dad changes his mind and makes things worse for him, is what i would tell him.

[kororain]

I think you should do whatever you want with YOUR inheritance. Your brother's whining should be of no concern.

[HazelGirl]

What makes this harder is that our mom is pressuring me to give it to him.

And he was our dad's golden child. If he talked to our dad about it, it would be much more likely that our dad would give him both.

[Asiablue]

Originally Posted by HazelGirl

He wouldn't agree to that, either.

pfft so he wants " ALL the toys"... no way HazelGirl get him kicked into touch with reality.

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by HazelGirl

What makes this harder is that our mom is pressuring me to give it to him.

And he was our dad's golden child. If he talked to our dad about it, it would be much more likely that our dad would give him both.

Well, my t would say - this doesnt have anything to do with who YOU are. THEY are the morons. I know that my parents wish my brother had my gifts, my brains, whatever, and that i had gotten his looks - but thats not what happened. Previous ts asked me why i stuck around - i was like, idk, the inheritance? Cuz youre dupposed to stick by your family? They were like, you could probably make more money if you didnt let yourself be tortured by them. Youre my girl, hazel.

[tealBumblebee]

If your brother wants it bad enough he can trade the bike for the truck, buy the truck, or sell the bike and buy a car. I think it's so wonderful that you put your foot down and are not allowing him to get over on you like he's learned to do on others. I also think that it's rude of him to be so whiny over inheritance when your father hasn't even passed away yet. Either way it will be yours and you have control of the situation unless you choose to put the control in anyone elses hands. *hugs* Don't let your mother or brother guilt trip you; it wouldn't even be an issue if they simply gave you what you are asking for. They're making the issue a 'moral' one when it really isn't.

[kororain]

Originally Posted by HazelGirl

What makes this harder is that our mom is pressuring me to give it to him.

And he was our dad's golden child. If he talked to our dad about it, it would be much more likely that our dad would give him both.

Then make him do that. Don't give in. Stand your ground. It's BS.

[HazelGirl]

Thank you for your opinions. It just doesn't seem fair in my family. The harder you work, the less help you get. But when you do nothing with your time and have no motivation, everything is handed to you without you having to lift a finger.

[kororain]

Sounds like my family. Maybe we're related.

[msxyz]

He's being ridiculous, of course you don't have to give him the truck. What a sense of entitlement !

[Lauliza]

You shouldn't give him the truck, like someone else suggested he can buy it from you if he wants it. If your father gets involved I guess that's his ultimate decision. But if not ignore the tantrums and pressure from anyone else. It will stop eventually if you ignore it.

[growlycat]

Jeez, your brother sounds like a creep. The thought occurred that you could sell him the truck, but you would probably get ripped off.

Can you just flat out refuse to talk to your brother about the whole thing? Sounds like torture to me, being manipulated.

[HazelGirl]

I feel like no one cares about me in this. Not only did he already get the more expensive gift (which I don't mind by itself), I am being asked to give up the part that is supposed to be mine. I feel like I am not as valuable as him and like everyone is focused on what is best for him, and ignoring what might be good for me.

[growlycat]

If it were me, I'd refuse to talk about it to mom, brother and dad. Expect nothing, be happily surprised if you get anything

---not trying to be cold here but my own dad is emotionally manipulative like this.

As a kid, he'd make promises I swear just to break them.

Yes, you deserve better. Maybe spending time away from family until this blows over may be best.

[Bill3]

I agree: sell the truck. Don't give in to the pressure of others.

If your dad leaves your brother both vehicles, so be it.

And congratulations on getting out and on your own!

[Parley]

Being unreasonable would be giving it away when you need the money. If I chose to be unreasonable, I wouldn't reward my brother.

At the end of the day. What we do is about us. It's a reflection of our own nature.
We may lay the blame on another's action.
We are responsible for ourselves. Our actions are our mirror.

Originally Posted by HazelGirl

I need your honest opinions about something.

The backstory: I grew up in a very dysfunctional home. My parents divorced when I was four. My dad was emotionally and physically abusive throughout my childhood, and I have PTSD mostly as a result of his treatment. My younger brother was the golden child and I was the scapegoat. At my mom's house, my mom and younger brother are in a narcissist/co dependent relationship, with my younger brother as the narcissist. My dad taught him to devalue women, and like I was devalued, my younger brother devalues our mom. I have worked extremely hard for the past several years to get out, and I am out. I am totally self-sufficient, while my younger brother relies on our mom for everything. He's 20, has never had a job, and has had everything given to him on a silver platter because he begs and whines and demands until he gets his way. I chose to stop contacting my dad when I turned 18, and haven't spoken to him in 4 and a half years.

The situation: My dad contacted my brother today, and went on and on about how he doesn't have a lot of time left. He told my brother that he will inherit his very expensive motorcycle and I will inherit his cheap old truck. My younger brother then tried to insist that I give him the truck because he doesn't have a reliable car (he has purchased 3 cars with our mom's money...all have been junk), and I don't need it because I do have a car that works and is reliable (that I purchased with my own money). When I suggested he sell the motorcycle instead, he said he wouldn't do that. When I told him I wouldn't just give him the car, he got angry at me and tried to guilt trip me.

Am I in the wrong in insisting that I take the truck and sell it so I have some spare money, instead of giving it to him?

Your brother can take the motorcycle and sell it and get a good vehicle. That's the solution. You're totally not wrong to do this. Offer to sell it to him for the same price you'd get it for and he can have it but seems to me if he's needing a vehicle and is getting a motorcycle that it's only logical he sell the motorcycle. Or he can trade you for the truck, and you can sell the motorcycle! Don't even think about giving him that truck and don't budge.