I'm destroyed, absolutely destroyed.....

by my self-centered leech of a daughter! Take, take, take, use and abuse me and then tell me what else she wants me to do while I'm still reeling!!

She moved back in with me RENT-FREE for the last 6 months and is telling everyone and anyone who will listen that she can't stand to live with me, that I have zero respect for her and she has no say here.

I love her, support her, meet her needs financially, take care of her dog while she's at work or out partying, drive her around all afternoon so she can pick up her check, cash her check, take the dog to the groomer, pick the dog up from the groomer, go shopping at Big Lots to buy new stuff for her new apt. -- and I also buy new stuff for her apt!! I keep her on my insurance policy so she'll have medical and dental. And she doesn't even say thank you. EVER!!

I'm done. No more. Not doing, or buying, or helping with ANOTHER THING!!!

I'm done.

I feel....inconsolable.

Thanks for listing,
Okie

((((((((((((( okie ))))))))))))))))

i understand. i firmly believe what i've read...that the mother-daughter relationship is the most complex that there is.

i hope you find peace soon.

KD

Thanks for the hug. It is just all so very painful. I remember that this is a difficult age....I think I treated my own mother horribly at that time in my life. Time is going by so fast, it's all a blur. My grandmother, my mother...pretty soon we'll all be on the wrong side of the grass.

The first question that comes to mind is, why? why are you doing all this for your daughter if you know she is this way? Why are you driving her around? why are you allowing her to live with you rent free?

oh I so understand where you are coming from hon! I have that same kind of relationship with my daughter and it HURTS!! you do and do and do and nothing nada zip! they expect it from you. no thanks ever given. my daughter lived with us for 4 yrs rent free. not offering to pay one thin dime. borrow money and never repay it.
I feel the same way as you do! you are not alone hon. (((Hugs)))

do you watch Super Nanny? okiedokie, it's your home, your car, your life, your heart, your money and she doesn't respect you. why are you doing all of this for her? how old is she? isn't she in her 20s?

i hate to be so blunt, but it won't be better if you continue enabling her disrespect. she's got it made and you're paying for all of it. money and emotionally. if she's old enough to have an apartment, she's old enough to support herself.

your pain is so apparent. please seek some help and change the patterns of your relationship with her. love, pat

Good suggestion with "Supernanny," Pat, I was thinking "Reba" :-)

Do everything you do for yourself and because it's a reflection of the person you want to be, not for the other person. They're always going to have a different perspective and you're always not going to give enough, hear bad things secondhand, etc. You know your heart and how much you love your daughter and I think she will (eventually) too.

It's very sad your daughter can't see beyond her own nose at the moment, is so anxious to get out on her own she doesn't recognize a good thing when she has it. (((Okie)))

also this may help teacher her respect, at the end of each pay week, prepare a bill
Rent $00, Cleaning $00, Cooking $00, Laundry Services $00, Taxi Services $00, Medical Insurance costs $00, tell her if your so bad she can start paying you for services rendered as she would a maid, or she can treat you as the caring mother she ignores

Like Dr. Phil says "You teach people how to treat you." He also asks "Is it working for you?"

I'm sorry. I know how it feels, believe me.

Thanks you guys! Pat, she just turned 21. You are all correct, for sure. I'm changing things a little at a time. I think part of it is that she knows that as her mother, I will love her forever, no matter what, more than anyone else in her life. I think she considers me "safe." What Dr. Phil refers to as a "safe place to fall." If I could just teach her not to pee in her life boat!

well, okie, both of my daughters know i love them but i don't pay their rent or their utility bills. and they know that i would be a safety net, but i wouldn't do it at the peril of my own safety or sanity. 21 is old enough drink and vote. so, she's sure old enough to support herself and live on her own.

you don't "owe" her anything. you gave her life and shelter when she couldn't provide it herself. now, she can provide it.

the longer you put it off, the longer it will take for her to have pride in taking care of herself and being self-sufficient. it may not look that way, to you, but that's the way it works for people. being dependent upon someone else doesn't foster pride or insight......it just keeps them dependent.

love, pat

Hello Ihope htings get better for you soon. I think and feel that you need to set some rules for your daughter in your home. The first rule is to respect you and figuring out what she needs to pay to stay in your home. Rent Free is not acceptable to someone your daughteers age and it is not responsible on your part to let he live off of you. Perhaps you getting money from your daughter for her own car would be a good idea. There is always Metropolitan Housing in every state and this goes by income generally 30%. Your daughter may need to live in different housing than with you. You are enabling your daughter to disrespect you by letting her disrespect you, by not setting the GROUND Rules, and the boundaries. There is nothing wrong with wanting to live your own life and have your daughter have her own life, since it a conflict for you and your daughter to get along at this time. I have an older daughter 22 so I know where you are coming from but sometimes it is better to let go of the children when they become adults to be able to live their life and your own. I am really concerned about your mental health as well, you need to feel safe in your own home and with yourmental health. If your daughter is capable of working and supporting herself perhaps the best thing is to let her get a car with the money she is not payng for rent and let her live by herself. You dont have to feel alone or guilty for making the right decisions for youe life. I hope the best for you. Take care and stay safe Soidhonia

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If I could just teach her not to pee in her life boat!

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LOL Sometimes they have to learn that on their own... the hard way! That's also a part of loving her... TOUGH LOVE. They'll never learn to fly if you don't kick them out of the nest.