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#1
Jun 13, 2014, 03:56 PM
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...to church! This man lives in my neighborhood and walks his little dog daily. We speak and I even took him some of my lettuce from my container garden. He rang my doorbell yesterday, and I could tell he had rehearsed his speech to me, which was sweet and touching, but he invited me to his church Wed. night meeting. I didn't want to hurt his feelings, but I have made a conscious choice not be involved in religion. I know, at my age (63) people say you can meet someone in church. I know he's a really nice man. My response to him was that though I had been raised in a church, I had not been to church in many years. His response was that it was really not "church," just a social gathering....Still?
I have to admit I'm so comfortable in my solitude, though I realize he's a very nice man. Also, philosophically, I'm more inclined to believe Richard Dawkins' The God Delusion, in which he states whatever religion into which we are born is the one which we follow. I am, first of all, not good dating material at this stage in my life. I spent about 15 years after my divorce being accommodating to the men I met (primarily online),and this was disastrous. I know people will say, "Oh, go ahead and get to know him!" I am also reluctant to become even marginally entangled with someone in my own neighborhood, particularly since I suspect I am the one who would be causing some kind of unhappiness because of my philosophical stance. Oh...rambling here. Feedback welcomed! 
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#2
Jun 13, 2014, 04:04 PM
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My dad would have said, hey the poor guy thought you were hinting for exactly such an invitation when you gave him a "lettuce spray"! (Really it was one of his favorite puns. It NEVER got old!) Practice being sociable? I know i could use the practice!
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 seeker1950
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#3
Jun 13, 2014, 04:52 PM
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Yeah, the lettuce.
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#4
Jun 13, 2014, 08:07 PM
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Quote:
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| waiting4
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#5
Jun 13, 2014, 08:22 PM
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I say that you should go. What do you have to lose? It is a social event that happens to be at a church. He's asking for YOUR company because he has taken a fancy to you. It is just incidental that the event happens to be at a church. So why not go? I don't see this as being the same as before....that is, you are not just being accommodating to this man. Think of it as stepping outside of your comfort zone in order to enjoy the company of another person. If you go and hate it, you can then tell him that it wasn't your cup of tea, but if you like him, then suggest a coffee date or something similar; very casual.
I see you as putting up walls to this guy when you could go out and have a fun time with him. I think it may be overly rigid of you to expect every single guy who is interested in you to know exactly what you want to do on a first date. Remember, he's not a mind reader. |
| seeker1950
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#6
Jun 14, 2014, 03:12 AM
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Going to a church service solely to please him, would be you being accommodating.
A meet up that happens to be at a church (which to me spells a safe and relaxed environment) to me, doesn't sound accommodating, but as said above, stepping out of your comfort zone. If you really don't wanna meet up with this man, don't. But I'm sure a part of you does or you wouldn't have been unsure enough to post. My advice? Go, enjoy yourself and make new friends. That way, whether it goes well or not, there's no opportunity for "what ifs"... Who knows, you might even have funnnn!
__________________
 DXD BP1, BPD & OCPD  "The best way to make it through with hearts and wrists in tact, is to realise, two out of three aint bad" FOB...
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| seeker1950
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#7
Jun 14, 2014, 06:57 AM
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why not suggest doing something else like coffee or a movie or whatever?
__________________
~ formerly bloom3 |
| hvert, seeker1950
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#8
Jun 14, 2014, 08:10 AM
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I like blur's suggestion!
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#9
Jun 14, 2014, 08:18 AM
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I'm actually embarrassed I even posted about this. Solitude is my friend these days....loving the quiet away from the chaos of my years of teaching middle school: the noise, the drama, the discipline (at which I was not very good), and on the other note, striving to accommodate a man into my life, at which I expended SO much energy, emotional and financial. Truly, I can say that men in my age group have issues. Also, that people in my age group do not "fall in love." So what...is it all about. Company, companionship? Financial security? I have a couple of friends in my age group who would jump at the chance, solely for the financial advantage, and are actively doing so (as the first and foremost reason). I can't do that. Meeting new friends...in a church setting? I doubt I'd identify with any of them.
Anyway, sorry for posting this! |
 unaluna
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#10
Jun 14, 2014, 11:08 AM
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Hey, you're preachin' to the choir!
  (Sorry couldnt resist! But so fitting! Ive been single for 30 years after 2 short marriages) |
| seeker1950
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| seeker1950
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#11
Jun 14, 2014, 11:17 AM
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Quote:
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| seeker1950
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#12
Jun 18, 2014, 12:55 AM
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Going to church doesn't necessarily mean that he's religious. A lot of people go for socialising, or because they were raised to go to church no matter what. This is also one of Dawkin's opinions.
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| seeker1950
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| Reply |
This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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