[Ashley_roberts93]

In love, can't picture ever being with anyone else, no cheating, but lying ruined mine and ruins the majority of relationships, and just little ones like lying to avoid an argument which ferments until someone finds out about something so small and irelevant and then there's no trust so just tell the truth, no matter what, it is that simple if your happy and love eachother
Sorry to preach on this but it's the "TRUTH"... Haha, se what I did there
sweeeeeeeeeeet

[Maria38Divine]

So true.

[Perna]

Truth can be relative and omitting information is not lying but can be just as damaging. Good communications is what I go for.

[IchbinkeinTeufel]

Easier said than done when you're in a really sticky situation, or just struggle to say stuff. Besides, I hate arguing; it's stressful and unnecessary. If I only need to just not say whatever it is, then that's a job well done; it might not be ideal, but gives me less grief, and in turn, her. If, however, it's something so bad that it festers as you say, then yeah, definitely a problem, and it would come out, but small things that don't matter? I'unno. I'm all for good communication, as well, but maybe good communication doesn't have to mean communicate absolutely everything that crosses your mind? Especially if you have OCD/anxiety like me and think all sorts of whacky stuff. xD

[eskielover]

I disagree.....I believe that the unsaid things are just as much a lie as the things that are said....because they keep the TRUTH from being known & that is what a lie is all about.

I lived 33 years with a person who chose to hide stuff.....& it was always stuff that was going to come out & it was going to do major damage. When you are withholding ANYTHING....it's your judgment whether it's just NOTHING to you might be something HUGE to the other person....& it's NOT your right to make that determination.

I'm not talking about something like "gee, that dress really doesn't look that good on you"......I talking about things like getting a letter in the mail that is of major importance (in my case it was from the IRS about back taxes on MY Inheritance money).....didn't bother to tell me about the letter & never bothered to tell the IRS.....or not bothering to pay the property taxes on the house that my name was still on after I left him....& then not saying anything when he quit making payments also. I found out when the mortgage company called me because he wasn't bothering to communicate with them.

Sorry, but arguing is a normal part of life....when 2 people come together, there is no way that 2 people can always think alike.....& those differences NEED TO BE DISCUSSED & brought out into the open & may not be resolved, but understanding needs to happen. If you keep sweeping every thing under the carpet....pretty soon you have a huge elephant hiding under there & it's going to make a mess of the relationship....maybe not within a few years.....but over a long time....it will BLOW up in your face.

So DEAL WITH IT when it happens & don't think you are magically making it go away by not saying anything.....it doesn't.

After 33 years of living the way I did....I can assure you that I was seeing red every time I had to deal with him before I left.....& the hate & anger grew until it almost destroyed me.......had many sui attempts trying to escape from the trapped place I felt I was in. I didn't realize it at the time that was the cause of the problem.....but having survived & looking back.....it's pretty clear now as to the cause of what I was going through....not just the loss of my career.

[soccerdad]

Unfortunately lying is a necessary part of life. No one can be 100% honest as then they would have no friends and/or partners because no one wants the truth 100% of the time. As for lying to prevent an argument I don't see why that is a problem. People do it all the time and it can be a good thing. If you know your partners triggers and choose not to make them angry over trivial things then that seems like being a good partner to me.

Obviously what you choose to lie about is key. There are bad lies and good lies so it really is a slippery slope when saying that lying can be acceptable. Personally I think that if the situation stops at the lie (ie arguing with parents and she asks your opinion. Yes honey I agree with you) it is acceptable but lies that can come back and have damaging consequences should always be avoided.

Anyone who thinks that lying is completely unacceptable should try and go through a full normal day (work, kids, spouse, friends, family etc.) and be 100% honest with everybody about everything and see how things turn out lol.

[ifst5]

Sorry but i think lying is essential - in relationships and outside of them. Yes there's a question of just how much lying is acceptable and in who's best interest it's in but when there's no alternative for a more positive angle at a better moment, lying can be important.

[healingme4me]

I guess it's a matter of how one tells the truth? (Does this dress make me look fat? Well, it does cling right there, and um, are you retaining salt honey???)

Avoiding arguments and building resentment for not asserting needs, yes, I can agree makes for difficulties in relationships. Is that really lying or something else?

What is an example of a 'little lie', that would be found out, and destroy trust? Destroying of trust, imo, comes with more heavy hitting lies and truth withholding. ..

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