Home Menu

Menu


Reply
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old Jul 07, 2014, 06:22 PM
Ashley_roberts93's Avatar
Ashley_roberts93 Ashley_roberts93 is offline
Junior Member
 
Member Since: Jul 2014
Location: Rhymney
Posts: 10
In love, can't picture ever being with anyone else, no cheating, but lying ruined mine and ruins the majority of relationships, and just little ones like lying to avoid an argument which ferments until someone finds out about something so small and irelevant and then there's no trust so just tell the truth, no matter what, it is that simple if your happy and love eachother
Sorry to preach on this but it's the "TRUTH"... Haha, se what I did there
sweeeeeeeeeeet
__________________
AE
Thanks for this!
STASlS

advertisement
  #2  
Old Jul 07, 2014, 11:28 PM
Maria38Divine's Avatar
Maria38Divine Maria38Divine is offline
Member
 
Member Since: Feb 2011
Location: Somewhere
Posts: 377
So true.
  #3  
Old Jul 08, 2014, 08:10 AM
Perna's Avatar
Perna Perna is offline
Pandita-in-training
 
Member Since: Sep 2006
Location: Maryland
Posts: 27,289
Truth can be relative and omitting information is not lying but can be just as damaging. Good communications is what I go for.
__________________
"Never give a sword to a man who can't dance." ~Confucius
Thanks for this!
IchbinkeinTeufel
  #4  
Old Jul 09, 2014, 07:49 PM
IchbinkeinTeufel's Avatar
IchbinkeinTeufel IchbinkeinTeufel is offline
Elder
Community Liaison
 
Member Since: Jan 2010
Location: Earth
Posts: 6,270
Easier said than done when you're in a really sticky situation, or just struggle to say stuff. Besides, I hate arguing; it's stressful and unnecessary. If I only need to just not say whatever it is, then that's a job well done; it might not be ideal, but gives me less grief, and in turn, her. If, however, it's something so bad that it festers as you say, then yeah, definitely a problem, and it would come out, but small things that don't matter? I'unno. I'm all for good communication, as well, but maybe good communication doesn't have to mean communicate absolutely everything that crosses your mind? Especially if you have OCD/anxiety like me and think all sorts of whacky stuff. xD
__________________
{ Kein Teufel }
Translation: Not a devil
[ `id -u` -eq 0 ] || exit 1
Thanks for this!
waiting4
  #5  
Old Jul 09, 2014, 08:04 PM
eskielover's Avatar
eskielover eskielover is offline
Legendary Wise Elder
 
Member Since: Oct 2004
Location: Kentucky, USA
Posts: 25,075
I disagree.....I believe that the unsaid things are just as much a lie as the things that are said....because they keep the TRUTH from being known & that is what a lie is all about.

I lived 33 years with a person who chose to hide stuff.....& it was always stuff that was going to come out & it was going to do major damage. When you are withholding ANYTHING....it's your judgment whether it's just NOTHING to you might be something HUGE to the other person....& it's NOT your right to make that determination.

I'm not talking about something like "gee, that dress really doesn't look that good on you"......I talking about things like getting a letter in the mail that is of major importance (in my case it was from the IRS about back taxes on MY Inheritance money).....didn't bother to tell me about the letter & never bothered to tell the IRS.....or not bothering to pay the property taxes on the house that my name was still on after I left him....& then not saying anything when he quit making payments also. I found out when the mortgage company called me because he wasn't bothering to communicate with them.

Sorry, but arguing is a normal part of life....when 2 people come together, there is no way that 2 people can always think alike.....& those differences NEED TO BE DISCUSSED & brought out into the open & may not be resolved, but understanding needs to happen. If you keep sweeping every thing under the carpet....pretty soon you have a huge elephant hiding under there & it's going to make a mess of the relationship....maybe not within a few years.....but over a long time....it will BLOW up in your face.

So DEAL WITH IT when it happens & don't think you are magically making it go away by not saying anything.....it doesn't.

After 33 years of living the way I did....I can assure you that I was seeing red every time I had to deal with him before I left.....& the hate & anger grew until it almost destroyed me.......had many sui attempts trying to escape from the trapped place I felt I was in. I didn't realize it at the time that was the cause of the problem.....but having survived & looking back.....it's pretty clear now as to the cause of what I was going through....not just the loss of my career.
__________________


Leo's favorite place was in the passenger seat of my truck. We went everywhere together like this.
Leo my soulmate will live in my heart FOREVER Nov 1, 2002 - Dec 16, 2018
  #6  
Old Jul 10, 2014, 02:57 PM
soccerdad soccerdad is offline
Member
 
Member Since: May 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 70
Unfortunately lying is a necessary part of life. No one can be 100% honest as then they would have no friends and/or partners because no one wants the truth 100% of the time. As for lying to prevent an argument I don't see why that is a problem. People do it all the time and it can be a good thing. If you know your partners triggers and choose not to make them angry over trivial things then that seems like being a good partner to me.

Obviously what you choose to lie about is key. There are bad lies and good lies so it really is a slippery slope when saying that lying can be acceptable. Personally I think that if the situation stops at the lie (ie arguing with parents and she asks your opinion. Yes honey I agree with you) it is acceptable but lies that can come back and have damaging consequences should always be avoided.

Anyone who thinks that lying is completely unacceptable should try and go through a full normal day (work, kids, spouse, friends, family etc.) and be 100% honest with everybody about everything and see how things turn out lol.
Thanks for this!
waiting4
  #7  
Old Jul 10, 2014, 03:14 PM
ifst5 ifst5 is offline
Poohbah
 
Member Since: Nov 2010
Posts: 1,018
Sorry but i think lying is essential - in relationships and outside of them. Yes there's a question of just how much lying is acceptable and in who's best interest it's in but when there's no alternative for a more positive angle at a better moment, lying can be important.
  #8  
Old Jul 10, 2014, 08:47 PM
healingme4me's Avatar
healingme4me healingme4me is offline
Perpetually Pondering
Community Liaison
 
Member Since: Apr 2013
Location: New England
Posts: 46,298
I guess it's a matter of how one tells the truth? (Does this dress make me look fat? Well, it does cling right there, and um, are you retaining salt honey???)

Avoiding arguments and building resentment for not asserting needs, yes, I can agree makes for difficulties in relationships. Is that really lying or something else?

What is an example of a 'little lie', that would be found out, and destroy trust? Destroying of trust, imo, comes with more heavy hitting lies and truth withholding. ..

Sent from my LGMS323 using Tapatalk
Reply
Views: 587

attentionThis is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.




All times are GMT -5. The time now is 05:31 AM.
Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2025, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.




 

My Support Forums

My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.