[brokenandtorn]

I have just gone through the most devastating days of my life. My husband and I are calling it quits. He doesnt want to hurt me anymore. After 18 years it is over. Its what I was wanting. But why does it still hurt so much? I just cry and cry now. Any words can help. Thanks for listening.

[glok]

Hello, brokenandtorn.

Coping with Grief and Loss: Support for Grieving and Bereavement

[Rhapsody]

(((HUGS))) - I think it hurts when a couple splits up even when they both agree its for the best because there is still a part of them that wanted it to work out, that wanted to be loved and wanted to love another in return.
Please be gentle with your self in the coming weeks..... take time to cry, but then relax and let your mind go far away from the marriage that is over so YOU can be placed back together --feeling better as the weeks and months pass.

[brokenandtorn]

He is in a halfway house. I still care for him. He disclosed some rules he broke. He may be sent back. Is it wrong to want to call him so he is not alone? Friends are telling me not to call because he did it to himself. But I still care.

Hi brokenandtorn, I'm not experienced in relationships, so please take what I say with a grain of salt. I really don't think you should call him. I think loneliness is inevitable for both you and him at first. However, do you have friends or family you can talk to once and a while? You can always speak here as well. You're not alone.

[brokenandtorn]

I have not called him but he has called me. I do not answer. His message says he wants to hear my voice but is confused why I dont want to talk. I dont want to talk because I was told by many it is just harder to move on for both of us if we keep talking to each other. Hecsounds so sad but I know it will make it harder if I do call. Any sugestions?

Originally Posted by brokenandtorn

I have just gone through the most devastating days of my life. My husband and I are calling it quits. He doesnt want to hurt me anymore. After 18 years it is over. Its what I was wanting. But why does it still hurt so much? I just cry and cry now. Any words can help. Thanks for listening.

Awe I'm so sorry to hear about you getting divorced. No matter how much he hurt you, you still loved him which is why it still hurts and you are wishing things had been better. At least that's what I think. I'm here to talk if you want to talk or message.

[Atlantea]

That's it. I'm coming over with chocolates, popcorn, a bunch of chick flicks movies and the blender and we're making strawberry daiqueris. After that we need to go somewhere where we can get stupid and dance the night away... or head to a theme park and dare each other to get on the craziest rides.

And throughout the whole time we can ******, scream and cry our eyes out over our divorce situations to each other as much as we want!

Divorce is horrible thing to go through. Regardless. I mean, I've seen it where some people are like - yeah we got divorced, whatever. And others where it's made such an impact on their emotional health etc for the longest time. And others experiencing everything in between.

In my experience, mine was one of those suprise divorces I had no idea it was coming, I was and still am devastated beyond belief over the lost potential of our relationship. I grieve over the time I have lost from being stuck in a 8 year toxic marriage and coming out of it as a lifeless soul just trying to reboot my life again from scratch, living back with my parents and currently directionless at 38. I grieve over a very best friend that said forever and ever, and just last year I was thrown out like I was trash.

Change in general can be devastating too.

Does anything pop up in your head at this time for your reason for hurting so much over the divorce? No matter what it is that comes to mind, it's an important reason, and important to you.

Sending you tons of BIG hugs. It's going to be okay. Everything will be okay, and it's very much okay to grieve over it, even if it was something you wanted. Xo

[BLUEDOVE]

Good or bad,it is a large chunk of your life that is
now gone. Now,here is the rub,we can convince
ourselves that we 'still care' for a very good reason:
WE ARE TERRIBLY LONELY! We make that
large chunk into anything,as long as it doesn't leave
us alone . . . . . THAT, is our terror.

If you really want to break it off-if you want it to be over forever and you never want to see him again-don't call.

On the other hand, some relationships are not broken forever. He needs you now and I don't think this is the time to listen to anyone but yourself. If your heart is breaking, perhaps it can be put back together agin. Perhaps he will see that he was wrong. Relationships, even divorces, don't always have to mean the end.

Your heart will tell you what to do. Listen to it.

[Shadowdove]

OMG. I am there. Only mine was 12 years and I am older which makes it soooo much harder to "start over". I gave and he took the last good years I had left.

Then when I said I was moving out he stood there in his arrogance and condescension and told me he thought a change of scenery was exactly what I needed.

My hurt and rage are overwhelming me. I am having to depend on my kids to move (financial and physical) which makes me feel like a loser and failure AGAIN. In order to get their help I have to move by them and I truly hate that city. They are sharing the expense but still all I can afford after moving is a real craphole and serious comedown from what my living conditions have been for 40 years.

I am beyond devastated.

[Fuzzybear]

[brokenandtorn]

I have already started divorce process. I just cannot forgive him. If I cant than it wont work. Thanks everyone. Now I just have to tell him it is over.

[brokenandtorn]

I couldnt bring myself to call so I sent him a letter about filing divorce. He left a voicemail. He is scared and confused. He wants me to wait so he has some shred of hope. He says he feels abandoned. Well I feel the hurt and pain he caused this last year. His next voicemail said he doesnt understand what he did and wants to talk to me face to face. I got angry, though I heard his own despair. I just cannot believe he doesnt understand, when just a week ago he said he did. I have had my cell company block calls from the number he calls on.

Am I right inwhat I did? Or should I have talked to him? I value your advice here.

[brokenandtorn]

Originally Posted by Shadowdove

OMG. I am there. Only mine was 12 years and I am older which makes it soooo much harder to "start over". I gave and he took the last good years I had left.

Then when I said I was moving out he stood there in his arrogance and condescension and told me he thought a change of scenery was exactly what I needed.

My hurt and rage are overwhelming me. I am having to depend on my kids to move (financial and physical) which makes me feel like a loser and failure AGAIN. In order to get their help I have to move by them and I truly hate that city. They are sharing the expense but still all I can afford after moving is a real craphole and serious comedown from what my living conditions have been for 40 years.

I am beyond devastated.

I am so sorry to hear this. I am sending hugs and prayers your way.