[bagels300]

Hi guys, I posted here a while back regarding similar things

I feel so emotionally exhausted right now. All of the stress and anxiety has just left me feeling incredibly apathetic about everything. I can't even cry any more and I feel like I'm losing my mind. I just want to sleep and be alone and not face anything. I'm an artist and I'm not even enjoying doing that. I can't focus at work either. On paper I have everything I want... I just can't enjoy it any more.
I've actually called in sick to work today just so I can be alone for a bit and I've spent the day lying in bed... it's escapism.
I have underlying issues with anxiety, low self esteem and depression (I've just started back on Fluoxetine in the hope of getting some relief). I'm currently waiting to be referred to a psychotherapist which I'm hoping will be my saviour.

I'm a 26 year old woman, and before this year I had never had a boyfriend before, had sex or even kissed anybody. I was never popular at school and didn't 'blossom' until later. When people ask me out I usually just say no because I never ever fancied or felt attracted to anybody and intimacy scares me.

Since the end of last year I was dating this really nice guy who I had a small a crush on. I told him about how I was and he was very accepting, saying he'd be happy to wait until I'm ready. This year we started officially going out, but I was still always very anxious about seeing him or sharing a bed. Just after my birthday we had an argument because I was being avoidant and making excuses to not see him. We also hadn't done anything more intimate than kissing yet as I was too anxious, but he said that wasn't the reason. He told me he didn't think it was going to work any more because I was too emotionally unavailable and he felt like I didn't care and broke it off. I was very upset and felt rejected, but he had a point so I just tried to get over it despite feeling depressed and like a failure.

A month later we started hanging out more as he said he'd like to be my friend still. Eventually he told me that he still has feelings for me and would like to try again and take things even more slowly. I missed him and agreed to try again in the hope that things would get better. That was a few weeks ago now, but I still have all the same anxiety and issues as I had the first time around. I care a lot about him and I don't want to hurt him again, I just don't know why I can't get past all this. I feel like I'm not capable of love or being intimate and that I'm better off just being alone. Am I wrong to keep trying or am I wrong to run away from everything?

I feel so **** and terrible and I don't know what to do any more. I can't seem to find anybody who has this problem in the way that I do. I don't know if loneliness is better than anxiety.

[glok]

Hello, bagels300. Have you talked to a professional about your concerns?Without being willing to change, you have narrowed your options. You deserve better. Maybe professional help is a key?

[bagels300]

I plan to, I have a doctors appointment in a few weeks and she told me she would refer me to a local therapist who is supposedly quite good. It's the only thing left to try really since I thought I would be able to get over it myself with a bit of exposure but haven't...