[shudson71]

Hi Folks,

I have never posted here, but I have spent some time going over the posts. I am in dire need of help - of course, seems I always have something I consider dire happening here of late. I need advice.

Let me do that quick wavy thing from movies letting everyone know this is a history of my current relationship.... Now to tell the story from my point of view. Please be warned... this is a long story partially because of my verbosity.

I met my SO late December of '12. It was a whirlwind "romance". Maybe not so much a romance, but an "OMG I won't be alone now!" type of thing. We met online, two days later he came for a visit, and well, he never left. He quit his job within a couple of weeks to follow his dream of music. I completely supported him and thought I was doing good being supportive of a man's dream. Unfortunately, nothing ever came of his dream of stardom. Now me asking, begging, pleading, threatening him in hopes of him getting a job does nothing but cause arguments and him making an excuse of not even trying to look for work. It goes between the fact we live in a town of 300 an hour from any sizable place for employment and his depression.

Mind you, I receive SSI. It is not enough to pay all the bills every month, so I get to play the bill shuffle game. He never calls up the utility company because it can't be paid - that is my responsibility. This is stressful to say the least on many different levels. He lays on the guilt trips because I can't accept he can't, or refuses, to find gainful employment.

When we met the first thing I told him was I am crazy followed quickly with I love sex. I cannot get enough of it. Well, his ummm "Johnson" didn't salute that first time. He promised it was just shy, and the fool I was, I believed him. To this day I have never been saluted. Sometimes he will agree to manually help the situation. But that is about once every 6-8 weeks after *****ing, throwing tantrums, and pouting enough. I feel superficial because I miss sex. I miss intimacy on any level. His idea of intimacy is me having a foot on him while watching TV. No kissing. No touching. Nothing.

Money and intimacy are two big ones. I wish that was all I had on my plate, but it isn't. I am supposed to cater to his depression and laziness, but when I try to explain BPD to him, he will shut me up with an "I have heard enough and need to process the information" as he returns to his Facebook war games. Then I never hear about it again until I bring it up.

I have done everything to try to reach him, but I am lost. I have catered to his needs as he states them, but he will shut me up by walking off or simply walking out the door when I start getting upset. I was patient (as patient as I can be) at first. Now it is all out war. There is no physical abuse. But I am tired of feeling neglected, used, and ignored. I have never felt so lonely. One reason I am here writing this. Maybe I just need someone to hear me. Someone that is paying attention to me for a few moments.

I have a serious stomach condition that requires me to get an EGD Wednesday, and my gallbladder removed. I have a large mass in my stomach, so he is going to biopsy it. I am a big gal, but cannot eat without having horrible pain, indigestion, and other symptoms. I look to him for some sort of comfort - I get none. Not anything other than - you will be ok. Well, crud, if I felt I would be ok I wouldn't be so dang terrified.

Anyway, I am done. I cannot take it anymore. But I have never broken up with anyone. My last husband died a few years ago. I took care of him at home in a persistent vegetative state for three years before he passed. I was in this relationship about a year later. I don't know ho to breakup with someone.

This guy has nothing. I do not have the money to help him move out and find a place. I told him he needed to find a place. Nothing ever became of it, and honestly, I wasn't so persistent about it when I was having some good days. But now I am beyond miserable. I almost had myself hospitalized tonight. I am in a deep, dark place that is scaring me to death.

I came here because I thought perhaps people with experience in BPD will understand these struggles. I don't want to be alone, but I would rather be alone right now than live with someone like this. I know this is not all on him, but he refuses to take any responsibility for any of it.

I am clueless at how to get someone to leave that won't leave when you ask him nicely, and not so nicely, to leave. How do I maintain my sanity? The closest therapists are an hour away, and I honestly don't have gas money to see them. I am not medicated either. Usually I can handle this. Is my need of intimacy, support, caring, kindness, and a job too much to ask for?

Thank you for listening. I know it is long and scattered. I am just so exhausted and worn down.

Stephanie J.

[healingme4me]

With or without BPD, that's just a sorry excuse for a bf. So sorry you are going through this. I'd pack his bags, change locks and spend surgery recovery time, recovering from this broken heart

[hvert]

No, you are not asking too much. Give him a date to get out, put it in writing, and schedule the lock change for the day after your deadline.

It may be worth contacting your local law enforcement to find out what you should do in this situation.