[kawaiigurl1981]

Hi all ! I have been absent for a bit and I have gotten myself out of the toxic go no where relationship that was plaguing me and started dating. I have been dating Tony for a month now and to me it seems that we are not compatible on a variety of levels and I cannot imagine why he insists that we should try and make the relationship work.

Tony thrives on conflict and I hate it. I am passive aggressive when angry and indirect. He is a right wing conservative and I am liberal and he seems to enjoy having political debates with me. I do not enjoy them. He gets very frustrated with me because I am uncommunicative and don't really tell him what I want to do but just does not feel like a safe person to me because he is so cynical and critical.

There are also some sexual differences he is into role playing and power exchange and I told him right off the bat I did not like that but he continually tries to push my boundaries and maintains that I cannot really say that I would not like something that I've never tried. My opinion is that due to our personality differences that we cannot have a successful relationship and we will only hurt each other by trying. He insists that two people that choose to be together and want to make something work can. I would really love to hear thoughts or opinions on any of this. Thanks.

[~Christina]

Why are you still with him ? You and him are very different and are already having trouble getting along on pretty much across the board in a relationship .

You have only dated him for a month . Just end this mess and move on. Simple solution.

Good luck

[hvert]

I agree with Christina -- why not end it?

I don't think it is true that two people can 'make it work' just because they choose to be together. If after a month you get the sense that you aren't compatible, much easier to end it and find someone you are compatible with instead of staying and trying to make a square peg fit in a round hole.

[healingme4me]

If already one month into the relationship, he oversteps bounds, between political discussions, and sexual pressure.

'He' may say, two people can work it out, what do you feel/believe?

Sent from my LGMS323 using Tapatalk

[kawaiigurl1981]

Originally Posted by healingme4me

If already one month into the relationship, he oversteps bounds, between political discussions, and sexual pressure.

'He' may say, two people can work it out, what do you feel/believe?

Sent from my LGMS323 using Tapatalk

I want this to work. I really care for him. We are similar in some habits. We like the same sorts of movies and books and we are both rather messy people and it does not seem to bother either of us and we both love pets. He drinks way too much. He does not get drunk and misbehave but he consumes alarming amounts of alcohol. He goes out to bars on average three nights a week not including any weekend drinking. One he and I decided that we were going to be exclusive and committed to each other I really feels like he goes out to bars too much. He seems to think that he and I see each other plenty and that I should have no issue with the amount of time he spends in bars.

[Puglife]

So you got out of one bad relationship into another? Relationships should not be this much work or conflict, especially in the early days. Life is too short.

[Trippin2.0]

I agree with the previous post.

You've jumped from 1 bad relationship to the next, and your determination to make an oncoming train wreck work, speaks volumes. What its speaking, is up to you to translate though.

You 2 have completely skipped honeymoon phase. That's NO fun at all. Like seriously, its a thing...

I honestly don't see the point in either of you continuing this relationship, looks like much more work than it worth. The work usually comes later you know? After the honeymoon phase...

[trying2survive]

Originally Posted by kawaiigurl1981

Hi all ! I have been absent for a bit and I have gotten myself out of the toxic go no where relationship that was plaguing me and started dating. I have been dating Tony for a month now and to me it seems that we are not compatible on a variety of levels and I cannot imagine why he insists that we should try and make the relationship work.

Tony thrives on conflict and I hate it. I am passive aggressive when angry and indirect. He is a right wing conservative and I am liberal and he seems to enjoy having political debates with me. I do not enjoy them. He gets very frustrated with me because I am uncommunicative and don't really tell him what I want to do but just does not feel like a safe person to me because he is so cynical and critical.

There are also some sexual differences he is into role playing and power exchange and I told him right off the bat I did not like that but he continually tries to push my boundaries and maintains that I cannot really say that I would not like something that I've never tried. My opinion is that due to our personality differences that we cannot have a successful relationship and we will only hurt each other by trying. He insists that two people that choose to be together and want to make something work can. I would really love to hear thoughts or opinions on any of this. Thanks.

squash it, get out now b4 feelings get to deep..the deeper the feelings..the more difficult the recovery.

a lot of times we want relationships to work bcos we don't want to be alone..squash it.

this one is trouble already..hit the eject button

[Numbed]

Wow, so similar but yet so far.

My relationship was quite similar except I wasn't as pushy, more supportive, and cared more about her than the relationship or myself. I run myself into the ground actually, but it was totally worth it in the end. (yes not the best most healthy practice but I knew that, and made a choice)

The relationship you're in, not worth it.
That's coming from someone who also used to thrive in conflict, FYI!
Say goodbye and try to learn some lessons, and try again in the future once you''ve done some personal growth.

[Curleq82]

He sounds somewhat like a bully. Unless you could see yourself spending the rest of like like this, don't waste anymore of your time. There is someone much better out there for you who will treat you with the respect you deserve!

[blur]

trust your gut on this. your gut is obviously telling you this isn't working. besides you need to have the big things in common not just the little things.

[offthegrid]

Originally Posted by kawaiigurl1981

I want this to work. I really care for him. We are similar in some habits. We like the same sorts of movies and books and we are both rather messy people and it does not seem to bother either of us and we both love pets. He drinks way too much. He does not get drunk and misbehave but he consumes alarming amounts of alcohol. He goes out to bars on average three nights a week not including any weekend drinking. One he and I decided that we were going to be exclusive and committed to each other I really feels like he goes out to bars too much. He seems to think that he and I see each other plenty and that I should have no issue with the amount of time he spends in bars.

You get along when it comes to periphery issues but totally mismatched on what's important. Do NOT make excuses for this, you deserve better.

[Trippin2.0]

Originally Posted by offthegrid

You get along when it comes to periphery issues but totally mismatched on what's important. Do NOT make excuses for this, you deserve better.

Well said!

A relationship can easily work between 2 people who have very little surface things in common but share the same value system and agree on the important stuff.

(Case in point, my relationship)

The same cannot be said for relationships where the opposite is true, because its the important things that form the foundation of a lasting and loving relationship. When your foundation is rocky, there's not much of anything to build on.

I honestly don't understand the logic behind why you and your bf are forcing this relationship to work, because that is exactly what you 2 are doing. Forcing it.

The only time I can comprehend forcing a relationship, is when 2 people find themselves in an arranged marriage...

But this is not the case here

Sad part is, while you 2 are busy forcing things, you're missing out on opportunities to experience relationships that actually work. Relationships which naturally enrich your lives and fills it with joy.

[kawaiigurl1981]

Stubborn woman that I am, we are still seeing each other. I have grown more comfortable with him and he is more respectful of my boundaries. I am still not sure if this will work because we are both defensive and guarded. Things are pretty great when we are together but once we return to our respective homes we both get kinda distant.

[IceCreamKid]

You might want to keep in mind that alcoholism is a progressive disease.

[MeganX13]

When the bad outweighs the good... I say go through a few days of missing him, you'll see how quickly you get over him and how much better you'll feel without him. Relationships are suppose to be means to a marriage... So if this is already a huge issue then it sounds like a waste of your time. It is hard to let people go especially in the new phase when things are exciting.. But it sounds like ya'll skipped the new phase because ya'll already arguing and knock heads. good luck

[oceansoftime]

My husband and I broke up for a month and I decided I could overlook our differences and we got back together. That was almost 19 yrs ago and I made the wrong decision.