I posted a meme on my Facebook wall that has a picture of a "bloody" scene (like one you'd see from a B-grade horror flick) and the words "You go on a killing spree. What song is playing?"

I'm fond of somewhat freaky grade-B types of thrillers. I also like well-done psychological thrillers (ala Hitchcock). I didn't even think twice about the meme - another friend (who has a wonderful, naughty sense of humor) posted it; I "borrowed" it from her because I thought it was creative and amusing.

So a friend of mine (a woman I've known for many years...I grew up with her husband) messaged me and said she was shocked that I'd post such a thing on Facebook.

I am FURIOUS! I want to say, Hey...you don't like what's on my wall, don't effin' look at it! But I don't want to cause a rift, so I'll eat it and delete the meme (and the replies).

This happens to me so often in life. I feel like the second I step out of being "the good girl" people condemn me for it. My gut feeling is that the people who can't handle stuff have issues that THEY are dealing with, so why do I have to passively shrink away to accommodate them? But then I say to myself, maybe I'm in the wrong...maybe I'm being inappropriate and don't recognize it.

Thoughts?

I don't claim to know much about either Facebook or having to support many social connections... But I'm not sure you should have taken the picture down, unless you really felt it was a bad picture to post after all. If not, I bet other people thought it was funny. I don't think she would have turned her back on you that quickly either, if you left the picture up. Even if you both have different beliefs and tastes, I'm sure she'll move on.

When it comes to people being picky about you being the "good girl," I think many people live such unchanging lives that anything different is a cause of great excitement for them that they need to talk about. I personally just put it behind me and move on, because they soon grow bored of the change. I'm sure people give too much attention to "bad" girls who become "good" as well.

[-jimi-]

Some people think they can say anything. I bet if you said you were shocked about her doing something, she would never have that let her change her behavior.

Since no one challenges these people, they actually CAN say whatever, whenever.

Maybe time to point out how shocking it was she made that comment?

[IchbinkeinTeufel]

Unless it was particularly indecent or explicit, then I don't see it being inappropriate. It is, after all, your Facebook account. Also, keep in mind that all she said is that she was shocked, she didn't say you're horrible or some crap. (unless you left that part out)

[bronzeowl]

I've seen that picture. There's nothing particularly shocking about it, or offensive. And this is coming from someone who is very easily triggered and known to make use of the report button when he sees something that is particularly shocking or offensive.

She has a right to be shocked, as we all have our limits, I suppose. And some of us are shocked easier than others. However, as long as you were not breaking any of Facebook's rules by posting it (once again, I've seen it, you definitely weren't) you are right in thinking that she doesn't have to look if it offends her. It's your wall, you're free to post whatever you want on it as long as it isn't breaking their terms of service.

Also, my answer is always The Man Who Sold the World.

[Lady Courtesan]

Sister Raggs-

I find this quite shocking since I have always enjoyed your sense of humor and the vibe you give off that you are something of a rebel. THAT is what makes you so special!

You never need deffend your words or actions to anyone who makes your life their business.

Tell her you heard she had to buy extra small condoms. That'll shut her up.

[sabby]

Sister Rags, I wouldn't have removed the meme because a friend said she was shocked at it. I guess I would have told her that I'm sorry she was shocked and that she has the ability to take it off her feed so she won't have to look at it.

That's what I do when someone puts something up that I'm not in to or don't agree with, I just quietly delete from my feed and voila! Upward and onward.

Thanks to each one of you I am incredibly appreciate of your comments. Personally, I would not ask someone to remove something from her fb wall. If I was really uncomfortable with something a friend posted I would tell the person and try my best to explain why I was offended by the post. More than anything I would look at myself for an answer of why I had such a strong reaction to a Fb post.

Fortunately, by really rising to the occasion I initiated a thoughtful conversation with my friend and it turned into a win-win situation. She recognized that her own issues prompted her extreme reaction to the meme I posted and I recognized that I post stuff like that meme because it helps diffuse my internal rage. It's takes constant vigilance for me to learn how to be assertive with out being passive (resentful) or aggressive (destructive).

Every one of you has been so helpful.

bronzeowl..."The Man Who Sold the World"...yes...

[Puglife]

I'm glad it worked out and was resolved with your friend. However, I apparently am in the minority and would have would not have liked that meme at all. Yes, obviously everyone can post what they want on FB and if it offends people they can either unfriend or hide the person, send the person a private message or call them out. I obviously don't know your background or FB posting history. But with all the recent killing sprees, I find the meme and the hypothetical question offensive to me. Obviously not everyone agrees and that's fine, but if I was your FB friend I would have either sent you and message and/or unfriended you because I personally would not want to see that in my feed.

[Parley]

I was trying to figure out how to say something but it looks like you have it settled. I'm glad y'all worked it out and I know if I seen something like that, it would shock me but that is my issue and has nothing to do with the poster. I would never ask someone to take something down just because I found it offensive.

Good for you and recognizing your rage and doing whatever it takes to defuse it~ I'm working on that myself.

[Fuzzybear]

The millisecond I step out of being the good girl/bear
The minute I dare to defend myself against abuse..
The second I use words, people condemn me for it, yes yes yes.
I'm sorry the idiots have done it to you as well

(this is mostly regarding the FOO who I am SICK SOXK SICK of )

fuzzybear, thank you a million times...you understand exactly how I felt. My question isn't about the meme and whether the meme is "right or wrong." The issue is that I have felt overpowered by most people all of my life. I am the much-younger child in a family of 3 sisters (my sisters and I have the same parents, but my sisters are 15 and 18 years older than I am; I also have a number of older cousins). I am 51 freakin' years old, but most people treat me as though I'm much younger. In my family of origin, I was generally treated like "the kid" - still am - even though I'm a middle-aged woman who has raised a family. My closest friends are people I grew up with and they are good, decent, caring people - but most boss me around, just as they always have.

Posting that meme on my Fb actually challenged my anxiety and guilt. I was kind of proud of myself for being able to post something without over-thinking it, like I over-think almost everything. Naturally, the moment I "took that chance" some called me out on my action. Typical. But I fear standing up for myself because I don't want to lose my friends (I deeply fear isolation, because I already feel extremely isolated), and I have a huge fear that they will find out how "crazy" I really am. So I force myself to compromise my feelings just to keep the peace. An ongoing situation in my life.

[Fuzzybear]

[AllonsY]

It's the dang Facebook, I tell you hwhat.

I got rid of mine a few years ago and found it was an overwhelmingly positive decision… too much nonsense like what happened to you, you don't miss not seeing people for a while anymore because you always vaguely know what's going on with them (and when you do see them, you don't have that genuine curiosity of "what the heck's been going on with you?!" because status updates have been telling you).

Yeah, Alonso, fb is a mixed bag for me. I love having the connections with people, but there's plenty of aggravation I would gladly do without. Then, too, I have learned a lot about myself by being on fb.

[MuseumGhost]

Well, posting something that could potentially be upsetting in a public forum IS kind of taking a huge chance that people are going to respond badly. And that they might even try and make you feel bad for doing it.

Just the other side of free speech, I suppose.

That is true, MG.

[~Christina]

I feel that its my facebook .. I will post what I want when I want to ..IF someone is bothered by anything I post they can certainly block me.( Im not posting horrible things ) But my sense of humor is mine and maybe not the same as person X .

I seen lots of posts from others that I dont care for but its there facebook. I just scroll past them. If some one messaged me about a posting I made I would just say if it bothers you ignore it .. But I am pretty outspoken.

I guess I just dont let FB bother me ..

I feel bad for anyone that has struggled because of social media across the board

[venusss]

You will not lose friends over such silly things. You may lose aquintances, but what good is an aquintance when you have to be putting on pokerface and deny your true self in front of them?

better off alone.

[glok]

I thought facebook was a photo album of before and after pictures assembled by a plastic surgeon?