[HakunaMatata2014]

Hey guys. I'm new here and just looking for some advise. I am in my 20s and my mom is in her 40s, and she had me at age 18. I feel like I ruined her life and that's why she doesn't like me. She is ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS negative. Her and my Dad fought a lot as I was growing up and I was always in the middle of it. (I have a little brother who is 12 and still at home and he now gets put in the middle). My Mom would/will get mad at me for something (even something and will NOT speak to me for weeks at a time. The only way we start to talk again is if I call her and I have to act like it was all my fault and that I'm sorry, even though she should be telling me she' sorry. She is a miserable person and she wants me to be miserable too. With her its almost always about money. I am not wealthy by any means!!! She makes almost the same weekly as I do. The difference is my husband and I save money!!!! She has to spend every dime that she has!!!!!!! My parents house was foreclosed on recently nut prior to this she called me and asked to borrow $3000 to catch up on their payments so they wouldn't loose it. I gave her the money and she said she would pay me back with income tax money but I never seen any money and I didn't mention it. If I call her shes always sick or sad about something. When I married my husband she told me that I love him more than I love her. I would sit in the bathroom and just cry after she would do things like this to me. She would call and tell me that she just threw my dads stuff over the mountain and tell me things he said during their fight. She does things like this constantly!!!!!!! My husband says I should just not talk to her but I feel incredibly guilty. I feel like parents should be happy for you and want you to succeed and be happy but my mother just makes me feel like she does not want that for me. A mother and Daughter are supposed to be close especially when the daughter is grown but I feel like I don't have the mother that I should have. I now have a baby and I will NEVER EVER EVER do those things to him. I just need to know how to break free of the guilt trips and negativity and misery but still have a relationship with my mother. We went on vacation and in the first 2 daysd they spent almost all of their money and mom told me she wanted to go home and I said why? she said were out of money. She thinks life is just about money!!!!! There are less fortunate people than her and they are so happy, why cant she be. So since its always about money I worry about her and my family having money for groceries and gas and anything else they might need. But like I said she makes quite a bit of money,about 1000 every 2 weeks.and my dad has a good job too which makes about 800 every 2 weeks. But she makes me feel so guilty over money and loving my husband dearly. she makes me a nervous wreck. Not to mention I have my own problems to deal with ( anxiety, panic attacks, depression, and bipolar disorder) but she always has something worse wrong with her and I should feel bad for her. Someone please help me handle this!!!

[Travelinglady]

Hello, HakunaMatata2014, and welcome to Psych Central! Perhaps it's more accurate to say that you choose to feel guilty. It's not your fault that you were born. You have a right to be here and to have your own life.

I think you are correct in saying that she's miserable and wants you to be miserable. I suspect she has some mental issues, too.

I had to get the support of a therapist to help me to break a unhealthy bond like this one with my mother. Alas, some of us just don't get the ideal mother with a wonderful mother-daughter relationship.

I suggest that you limit your time with her and not give her any more money. She is a grown woman, and if she does not know how to save her money, then perhaps she needs to deal with the consequences.

Okay?

[Regina Flume]

Hi HakunaMatata2014,

I have similar issues with my mother. She gets angry easily and cannot accept her faults. She is always putting blame on others and takes everything and everyone for granted. She also doesn't enjoy the little things in life. For your situation, I feel it's best to not entertain her ideas. If she needs money, don't mention you won't give any to her but encourage different ways she can get it. If she needs something, give her ways to achieve what she wants. You can also just be a listener and not be a problem solver. It will take some time but she won't see you as an escape from her problems if you don't give her what she wants. Hope this helps!

[~Christina]

Your going to have to be a strong person and stop allowing her to guilt you into things. Its hard indeed .. But it can be done. You are not responsible for her inability to manage her money..

Sounds like tough love needs to happen

good luck