[Lallenel]

My wife and I weren't able to conceive a baby. My wife however, is better spirited in terms of seeing and befriending other people with kids. At our nieces' dance recital over two years ago my sister-in-law mentioned that her single mere 21 year old niece on her in-law's side is there with her eight month old son. My wife went to see the baby and befriend the young mom who is young enough to be our daughter. I remained seated out of jealousy, having failed to pro-create on my part.

A couple days later, while my wife was out, I decided to post the single mom on FaceBook because she and my wife are "friends". I explained my reason for being unsociable at the dance. I did not make any hostile remarkes to her. I only mentioned my own sense of failure and loss. The worst I might have said was a silly which may have been taken as sarcastic form of congratulating her as in "con-a-er-ehh-gratulations I guess". Not particularly nice I admit, but not deserving of was to follow soon after.
As soon as my wife walked in she alerted me that her sister called her on her cel-phone and is furious because her daughters(our nieces), as they happened to be using FB at the time, saw my post and informed her about it. I was annoyed, considering I had no ill intent, and did not violate any online rules to the best of my knowledge. So my call her sister on the home phone to discuss it further and I, wanting to settle it fast and not have to have it on my mind picked up the phone and asked what the problem was. Her sister started shouting saying what I terrible thing I posted to her niece. I guess my biggest mistake, which to avoid making, is easier said than done while being shouted at, was that I shouted back instead of taking control and asking calmly why it was so terrible. But I started to shout loudly that "meanwhile all these hostile activist groups have their freedom of speech and nobody bothers them. After I started to explain that, she cursed at me and hung up.
In the past, the few feuds we've had were soon forgotton about. Our second oldest niece was to graduate High School later that month in June 2012.
I thought it over and decided it best not to attend while the incident was too recent. But things did not seem to "patch-up". The next year (June 2013) the third of our four nieces was to graduate, and the invitation was only addressed to my wife. The day of the graduation I wrote a letter to my sister-in-law stating that I had no intention of causing any upset and was not harrassing her niece with the baby and that I was only sharing my story, and mentioning that I did lose control but that she also did not have to curse at me, and now my wife and I can't be together on tonight because she is still carrying a grudge after a whole year went by.
After a few days my letter was received my sister-in-law's only comment to my wife about was that "she doesn't know what I'm talking about". Since then I did see my sister-in-law at an Aunt's funeral in October 2013. I said hello to her and she casually returned my greeting. But we did not exchange any more words.
My point is that I am concerned why this would infuriate anybody so much.

[Travelinglady]

Hi, Lallenel, and welcome to Psych Central! I honestly don't think you should have sent her a message at all, since you are married and she is single. She might not have given how you acted a second thought, so she didn't need any explanation. She might have seen your message as sort of making a play for her.

Plus, she likely felt you are trying to make her feel bad about being a single mother. And your remark about "congratulations" didn't help.

And she didn't need to hear about your issues with procreation. After all, it does deal with sex, albeit a bit indirectly.

All that said, my sis and her husband weren't able to have children, so my sis had a hard time dealing with the birth of my children. But she never talked to me about it at all. I had a right to have any children I could, and I am sorry she couldn't. But she rightly didn't try to make me feel bad about it.

Okay?

Let's see what other folks have to say about it.

[healingme4me]

I'm breaking this down in my head.
You posted congratulations on your sister in laws nieces fb page. After, a family function, which everyone was present.
You've missed attendance permission to your sister in laws daughters graduation events, over a fb post?

And that was two or three years ago?

[hvert]

What kind of response are you looking for? Do you want to reconcile with your sister in law?

[StressedMess]

People who don't suffer from infertility or secondary infertility have absolutely NO idea how painful it is for those of us who cannot conceive. I had a panic attack and broke down sobbing at my best friend's baby shower (I had my third miscarriage the week before) and had to leave. I felt horrible for ruining her event, but she didn't feel like her invitation was inconsiderate given the circumstances, and would not allow me to bow out gracefully.

Your comment was not so offensive to me, but perception varies greatly by individual. I'm sorry your sister-in-law treated you this way, and now is pretending nothing happened rather than talking it over and accepting your apology.

What would you like to happen next? Do you want to reconcile with her personally, or just stop being excluded from family events?