[Alishia88]

So here is the thing. My sister who is 7 years older than me just had a daughter and I think I´m jealous of the baby, which is rediculous of course, but I still feel it.

I´m 25 and ever since I moved out at 21 and became more independent my mother pretty much "dumped me" is what I feel, even though during that time I developed intense psychological problems (anorexia among them) so I had to move back in with her for some time, but she pretty much ignored that and ignored me. My mother always used to treat me much smaller than I actually was and I think when I claimed my independence she didn´t take that well and drew back from me like now that I wasn´t her "baby" anymore she had no "use" for me anymore. And of course I was hurt very bad by that and it made the conditions worse.

It was similar with my sister because I think she couldn´t deal with me being so sick, so she drew back from me too. And there was a time were I felt very alone and very sad.

Now, that there´s a "new" baby I´m jealous. I don´t need their attention anymore, I´m past that doing my own thing I feel.

However, hearing my mother say things like: "We love her (the baby) so much and it´s "our" child and we love her" makes me ache very very badly inside.

Because I feel like... when she can love the baby, why did she stop loving me? And now that she really does have a new baby she will forget about me even more because now she "really" doesn´t need me anymore.

I know it´s very stupid and doesn´t make much sense, but this is what I feel.

I guess I felt abandoned at some point and now I´m just really jealous of all that love that I would have liked to have.

I would talk to my T, but she´s on vacation rightnow.

[Jan1212]

Maybe you'll bond with the baby once she starts responding and smiling at you because I realized you didn't call her your niece, she is "the baby". They are enjoying her infant hood but that doesn't mean they love you less :-)

[Alishia88]

I guess it doesn´t feel like my "niece" because my sister does not really feel like a "sister" to me anymore.

This is also due to lack of contact of course (which is a good thing and we worked out in therapy).

It´s really strange, a few weeks ago I was at a party and when I said something about my "sister" it felt very strange, it sort of surprised myself to hear me say the word, because I don´t feel like I "have" a "sister".
I don´t feel like I have a "mother" either which is also very strange.

For a few years I´ve been feeling like an individuum without family, even though biologically I do.

I`m not sure if this is a good or bad thing, really. My boyfriend says it´s a protection mechanism, I don´t know.

[IrisBloom]

It's normal for you to feel jealous right now. As long as you recognize what you are jealous about. It's not the baby herself, it's your mother lavishing her love on baby and you need her to show you love as well. Right? You can have a good relationship with your niece in spite of that.

Maybe your mother does not know how to deal with your illness, feels helpless, and thinks if she ignores it it does not exist?