[karotop2014]

I am in shockand angry.
I've been married for 27 years. NOT days, weeks or months. BUT YEARS.
I thought that meant something. Until 2 years ago rumors circulated and I found out that my husband had a one night stand, that went into two weeks. She even stayed over night with him, someone saw her leave our place. I was away that weekend taking a state exam.
Last week on Tuesday, I read a few of his emails. He has been on porn sites, on chats, on ad lists soliciting for sex. Those emails went back to 2006!!!!!!!!!!!
When I read each one, I found out that he was meeting them. He also had this thing for younger woman, say 18!!!! And he's 49.
When I saw the lasted email, I noticed the date. It was dated July 13, a Sunday, his mother's birthday and we were together that day, all day, yet he managed to email a woman to meet with her.
She emailed back this morning, Aug 9, 2014. To meet him at a local hotel. Funny thing, no, the most disgusting thing is, he told me he had to go to work earlier on Saturday, he left at 4 a.m. WHO goes into work at 4 a.m. So, i'm thinking he met with her.
WHAT THE **** DO I DO??? HOW DO I GET HIM HELP? HOW DO I BRING THIS UP? Without him emptying the bank????????
HELP< ME PLEASE!!!!!?????
Karotop2014

[ifst5]

This is a massive betrayal of trust and I don't think such behaviour is necessarily related to sex addiction. It sounds more like he's been very unhappy for some time and instead of behaving like an adult and working through that; he's gone behind your back and betrayed you, the sanctity of your vowels, and your whole life together. One way or another you need to confront him. Print off the emails and any other evidence to lay down before him. Ask him why. Make it clear that if feels he has a problem he MUST be prepared to seek help and not only work very hard on those issues but also on a marriage that is now in crisis. Only in his response will you know what to do next but if he's vague, largely unapologetic and unwilling to change - don't waste any time. After years of lies, deception and downright mistreatment - you don't deserve another minute of it.

I'm so very sorry this has happened to you.

[SnakeCharmer]

I'm so sorry that you've been betrayed in this way. It has to be massively distressing.

You asked what you can do to get him help. Right now, it might be better to think in terms of helping yourself ...

1. Find a lawyer to protect your legal, financial and property rights.

2. See your doctor to be tested for STDs. Sorry to bring that up, but it's time to be realistic. Tell the doctor the truth -- you've discovered your husband has been unfaithful and you want to make sure you're okay. Have him test for everything.

3. Look for a therapist for yourself, someone to help guide you through this traumatic time. Perhaps the therapist can help you come up with a plan for an intervention to get your husband into treatment, but first you'd have to research therapists and/or programs that treat sex addiction.

I'm not a big fan of the concept of sex addiction. But his behavior definitely sounds compulsive, irresponsible and verging on the dangerous. Sounds like addictive behavior to me.

I'd make finding a lawyer a high priority. If you don't know one, you may have to ask around, maybe ask some friends who are divorced, if they can make a recommendation.

You mentioned a concern that he might empty the bank account. That statement sort of seals the deal. You know you can't trust him, not with your love/sex life and not with your financial security. Do whatever you can to protect your security, while also acting as honorably as possible.

Is there any history of emotional abuse or violence in your marriage? If there is, please proceed carefully. You may have to turn to family and friends or church for support.

Your husband will want you to keep quiet, to keep his secret sex life hidden from view. Too bad. You have to do whatever you have to do to protect yourself. After the massive betrayal you've suffered, you have no obligation to protect him from the obvious disapproval that will come his way if you seek support from family, friends, your doctor, lawyer or church.

Right now is a time of confusion and even panic. Please see if you can get support from people you trust so you don't have to be alone with this knowledge.

Maybe you can save your marriage, maybe not. First of all, it's time to save yourself, your sanity, your health and your security. My thoughts will be with you.