[Denseke]

Hello guys, so I've been living with this guy for 2 months now, but had like 2 weeks break where I just went out because he started being complete asshole. He's gaming approximately 10 hours per day, on weekends 15-16 and sleeps the rest time. It was an online relationship, and so we meet in real life, I come, had godly first 2-3 weeks, we both played league of legends, so we were playing together but normal time per day, doing all the couple stuff and so on. And them baam I started to realise that he's falling deep into it, whenever I wanted to play he kept getting pissed off, doesn't matter that I only wanted to play 1-2 games (approx. 40 minutes each) and he played like 8 hours. I was like okay, let's see what's going on. Then suddenly all couples stuff was gone, no sex, no time together, I hugged him, he stood like a tree. I told him dude, if you realised that you don't want to be with me tell me, I will go. He said no, I want you to stay and bla bla. It was just like me being a plushie toy that he hugs while sleeping and when he's awake the toy just lays and nobody needs him before going to sleep. So after a while like that I went out, said I need a break. Then after I went away for a while to travel around meet other online friends (our common friends from ranked team in League, he knows them in real life but they're not from same town) he started apologising like a freak, promising me that he will never do that again. When I still was there, he saw pictures of us having fun and started to be jealous, the pictures werent even something like hugging it was just nature, a bit alcohol and us sitting round table. He started begging me to be online all the time when he's there, and stay in cam with him and blabla. I told our common really good friend about it and he spoke with him. Then he stopped that jealousness thing. Just kept begging me to come back. So, I came back. All fine again, feels even better than before. He had no connection, his mum didn't pay for the net. He was one of a kind guy, helping her, spending time with me, we were laughing, having fun, till the moment he had his connection back. With that moment, he started playing but this time not ignoring me, but discriminating me, making psychological terror periods where for example he takes my phone, because he lags when i use it and i have nothing else to do here, i would go read a book but i don't have my language books here. So I just lay and do nothing and he with my phone in his shorts go to play. Last night he started something like im being asshole and i like doing it, he tried to cut my hair, he said almost something like **** you and you can go home if you don't like it. He took all bed sheets and pillows and went to sleep in other room leaving me on matress with no stuff. I feel like freaking out. Oh, also I can't use my phone for 10-12 hours per day. He lags and once threw it to wall while lagging, when he goes to work he shuts net off so I can't use it. Wtf? He still says sometimes that he loves me. Uhm how the yuck can it be called love? Any advices? Thanks for reading this long post...

[glok]

Welcome to the Community, Denseke. You actually want to stay with this abusing, control freak?

I wish you well.

[Yoda]

And you want to continue to be in this relationship because why?

He shows you no respect now so don't think he'll be changing. Leave him and find someone who treats you better.

[Notoriousglo]

Get out now...while you still can!

[Nina Simone]

He sounds really abusive and the relationship unhealthy. Him taking your phone, stopping the internet connection and keeping you from other people seems dangerous. Do you feel safe? Maybe you should consider moving out and getting your own place. I'm holding good thoughts that all will turn out well for you.

[A Red Panda]

He's abusive and dealing with addiction. There's no point in staying, and no one has the right to control your life and limit your ability to communicate with others.

I'd move out and cut off contact with him. You deserve sooo much better, and in the grand scheme of things, you've only lived with him for two months and not even been there for that whole time. And he's already like that? Seriously now, it will never, ever, improve.

[Denseke]

I'm thinking to move away to the same friend I stayed at last time, that place is like heaven for me, it's in the mountains so I can relax there. But I still can't understand what's the purpose of being with person if you abuse them... Is it considered fun? I really love this guy... But it's just so hard to deal with it, I see no future in this relationship. But it's just so hard to leave someone you love.

[BobbyDavis]

I tend to agree with most of the other members on this thread and I think the best thing you can do is break up with him and find somebody else.

[MissBelle00]

I know it's hard to leave an abusive relationship, I've been there, done that...

All I can tell you is that the longer you prolong this, the harder it will get to cut ties. Leave now while it's still early. You do NOT need this kind of stress in your life! Abusers, people with addictions and anger management issues, those people rarely ever change... and when they do, it's almost ALWAYS because of some tragedy that happens in their lives that seriously shakes their entire world. And even then, some of them revert right back to what they were before.

It's just not worth the trouble. He's already going to ruin his life on his own. Don't let him ruin yours, too.

Get out.

[Notoriousglo]

Originally Posted by Denseke

I'm thinking to move away to the same friend I stayed at last time, that place is like heaven for me, it's in the mountains so I can relax there. But I still can't understand what's the purpose of being with person if you abuse them... Is it considered fun? I really love this guy... But it's just so hard to deal with it, I see no future in this relationship. But it's just so hard to leave someone you love.

I used to question that same thing..why be with someone to abuse them. Truth is the answer could be one among many, but it doesn't matter why. Don't justify this behavior.

Originally Posted by Denseke

Hello guys, so I've been living with this guy for 2 months now, but had like 2 weeks break where I just went out because he started being complete asshole. He's gaming approximately 10 hours per day, on weekends 15-16 and sleeps the rest time. It was an online relationship, and so we meet in real life, I come, had godly first 2-3 weeks, we both played league of legends, so we were playing together but normal time per day, doing all the couple stuff and so on. And them baam I started to realise that he's falling deep into it, whenever I wanted to play he kept getting pissed off, doesn't matter that I only wanted to play 1-2 games (approx. 40 minutes each) and he played like 8 hours. I was like okay, let's see what's going on. Then suddenly all couples stuff was gone, no sex, no time together, I hugged him, he stood like a tree. I told him dude, if you realised that you don't want to be with me tell me, I will go. He said no, I want you to stay and bla bla. It was just like me being a plushie toy that he hugs while sleeping and when he's awake the toy just lays and nobody needs him before going to sleep. So after a while like that I went out, said I need a break. Then after I went away for a while to travel around meet other online friends (our common friends from ranked team in League, he knows them in real life but they're not from same town) he started apologising like a freak, promising me that he will never do that again. When I still was there, he saw pictures of us having fun and started to be jealous, the pictures werent even something like hugging it was just nature, a bit alcohol and us sitting round table. He started begging me to be online all the time when he's there, and stay in cam with him and blabla. I told our common really good friend about it and he spoke with him. Then he stopped that jealousness thing. Just kept begging me to come back. So, I came back. All fine again, feels even better than before. He had no connection, his mum didn't pay for the net. He was one of a kind guy, helping her, spending time with me, we were laughing, having fun, till the moment he had his connection back. With that moment, he started playing but this time not ignoring me, but discriminating me, making psychological terror periods where for example he takes my phone, because he lags when i use it and i have nothing else to do here, i would go read a book but i don't have my language books here. So I just lay and do nothing and he with my phone in his shorts go to play. Last night he started something like im being asshole and i like doing it, he tried to cut my hair, he said almost something like **** you and you can go home if you don't like it. He took all bed sheets and pillows and went to sleep in other room leaving me on matress with no stuff. I feel like freaking out. Oh, also I can't use my phone for 10-12 hours per day. He lags and once threw it to wall while lagging, when he goes to work he shuts net off so I can't use it. Wtf? He still says sometimes that he loves me. Uhm how the yuck can it be called love? Any advices? Thanks for reading this long post...

Oh Denseke,
similar situation here, just ended the whole thing a few months ago, it's easier said than done but get rid and you will be happier

[~Christina]

Just walk away ... You will never know why he is abusive no reason to even wonder about his intentions..Cut your losses and move on.

Good luck

[Trippin2.0]

You can continue to wonder why he's abusive far away from him, instead of wondering right there with him while he abuses you.

Neither will provide an answer but atleast the former is a safer option.

He's a lost cause, be smart and save yourself.

[openeyes]

Hi Denseke,

I just wanted to let you know, I COMPLETELY understand where you are coming from! I just broke up with my boyfriend whose also a complete League of Legends addict (it even made him quit World of Warcraft) and I was a complete toy for him, whenever he felt like I was convenient I was given attention, but I also wasn't allowed to even leave the room or read a book when he was playing without being called rude and *****y. It extended to every part of our relationship. I was just not important. For a while, I put up with it because he finally started fighting his alcohol addiction after he tried to become violent toward me one night (which he did give up, successfully to date), but he refuses to see any other problems with his gaming/electronic addictions and I was such a low priority for him that he was largely verbally abusive to me unless I was doing exactly what he wanted, when he wanted it.

18 months later, I finally broke things off. It was miserable, especially because even before we dated we've been friends for almost a decade, but within a few days, I've felt soo much better and the other people in my life mention how much happier I've been.

It's not something you can help them with. There are other issues they are not willing to face going on in their lives and minds. When a relationship has become that destructive, the why's don't matter. You have to keep yourself healthy and strong first.