[stuck1978]

Hello,

I don't want to offend those who are believers, but I'm more on the agnostic side. I have had a lot of psychological issues especially this past year including depression and anxiety. In these difficult times, I have turned to my family for support. I have a very good relationship with my brother and his wife, but they're both Christian and are strong believers. They're also in a very stable life situation right now, while mine is somewhat messy. The issue is that they feel that God is the solution to all of the problems including my psychological ones. Actually, they feel that part of the reason I have these problems is because I'm not a believer. I often feel that they don't take me seriously. They either laugh me off or act as if they have this more superior knowledge or power that's still not accessible to me. They don't seem to believe in therapy or counselors.

Does anyone have any advice for this type of situation? Because they are my only family near me, and because I love them, I respect their views. But their advice is single-toned, if I may. What's worse, as I mention, they tend to laugh or scoff at what I try to solve my problems making me feel like I'm a child (which, in fact, is very easy for me to feel like in my current emotional state). I often feel that I've opened up too much and let them really see my vulnerable side, which is what is giving them this "power" over me...

Thanks,

-stuck

[JoeS21]

If they've been behaving that way for a while, I doubt they'll change any time soon. I hope you can find someone who's NOT rude and dismissive, but who can be supportive, a good listener and a good friend. There's no reason for your family to behave like that and being rude and nasty is IMO, NOT part of being a Christian. If they are Christian Science, that might explain an adversity to therapy and counselors. Despite your differences, they shouldn't be rude. If they were my family members, I would tell them NOT to be rude, but it might not make much of a difference.

[stuck1978]

Joe,

Thanks. They're definitely not rude or nasty. They are kind with the exception of laughing at my attempts as someone would laugh off a senile grandmother saying something silly (so it's not even nasty laughing, but rather kind, you poor thing, if you only accepted what we're telling you laughing). Because they don't seem to believe in any practical solutions that I have been attempting, their kindness mixed with laughing at my attempts comes through as being condescending to me in a way, which fuels my self-doubt, which there is plenty of as is.

-stuck

[healingme4me]

Pulling the plug, on any more sharing, of your struggle, if possible, can help.

One can believe, and still utilize skills created, here on earth, by men and women, designed by caring and compassion for their 'fellow man.'

Hold strong in your truth and conviction.
Easier said than done, to emotionally detach from their opinions, but clearly necessary. Your life, your path, and your needs that are your truth, not theirs.

[IrisBloom]

People who have never had depression etc. can't understand how you feel. Maybe you could tell them you are not asking for them to solve your problems, but you would just like them to listen to you. (Tell them that's what Jesus would do )

[DSM-3.1415926]

Originally Posted by stuck1978

They're definitely not rude or nasty. They are kind with the exception of laughing at my attempts as someone would laugh off a senile grandmother saying something silly (so it's not even nasty laughing, but rather kind, you poor thing, if you only accepted what we're telling you laughing).

If mockery and condescension aren't rude and nasty, what is? No matter how well-meaning, gentle and sincere a believer is, if he tells me [I'm atheist], "Poor, deluded sinner. I will pray for you," he's being rude.

Are there any atheist or humanist groups/clubs in your area? You're far more likely to find help and friendship there. See also the Secular Therapist project.

[brainhi]

They do not know any better and/or cannot handle what you are going through. I know how much it hurts not to be understood by family members. I have to go elsewhere for emotional support. Search out people that have some of your same values and struggles...not always easy to find...but they are out there. It's good that you have come to this site as well - you will find others that can identify with you.

[hvert]

I think you were onto something when you said that you feel like you have been too open with them. I would stop telling them specific information about your health and the steps you are taking to recover. They are not going to give you the advice you want in this situation. I'm glad they are supportive in other ways.

Have you tried being direct with them when you feel they are not taking you seriously? I would try to think of a sentence to have at hand for the next time this happens. "You know, it really hurts my feelings when you say that."

I would also try to just not take what they say to heart. When they are talking as if you are a senile grandmother, that is about them and their world view, not you.

[lilypup]

I agree it is their problem. I am somewhat of a fragile believer, but my best friend from high school became a fundamentalist a while back. Her phone greeting was "Hi...have you been saved by the blood of Christ?" Believe me, I was NOT going to discuss my mental illness with her.
I do attend church somewhat, but as I said I am rather fragile due to my illness. I attend because at a minimum, it reminds me to be a better person to others and to give back. But any religious person who throws it in your face is not a friend. I agree to find people more to your own "speed" and just see your family without discussing your illness.

[stuck1978]

Thank you all.