[jimmy rich]

My 1st marriage FAILED because we were NEVER best or even good friends - not even friends, as I later discovered.

How do you start out as good, loving, respectful, happy friends and end up as such bitter enemies or bored “room mates”? Where did you go wrong or was it all your partner’s fault? When did things start going down hill after the “blissful” honey moon? Did you go to counseling but it didn’t help? Were you convinced that you knew how to make things work BUT your partner did not? Did you finally just give up when neither of you could find a solution to what started out so beautifully and then mysteriously turned so SOUR?

In most relationship posts, I notice how people somehow LOOSE the love and friendship that they started out with and I wonder why they don’t see that it all went "into the ditch" because they simply did NOT KNOW HOW to remain friends.

My current wife and I seriously decided to make our relationship work after leaving our sad and miserable previous marriages, so we began studying the teachings Barbara DeAgelis: (Barbara De Angelis PH.D. - Official Barbara DeAngelis Website)

In support groups, I had discovered that I never actually knew what a best friend is nor how to be one so I studied the subject and realized that my 1st wife and I had NEVER been friends so my current wife and I decided to be best friends right from the start and NEVER let that fade or die. Once we learned how to be best friends forever (no matter what) it set the stage for a happy, beautiful & loving relationship which is as good after 22 years as it was at the start – maybe even better – thanks to the easy, simple relationship skills and tips that we got from Barbara so all I can say is that, if you want your failing marriage to go back to the loving way it began, try out some of the things that Barbara and many other relationship teachers can teach you. Learning and using good relationship skills is the only way other than some kind of Spiritual Awakening to change your unfriendly relationship back to constant FRIENDSHIP.
Questions?
good luck regaining the love and respect that you once had for each other,
jim

[Travelinglady]

I think people do need to be friends before marrying as well as having the needed physical attraction. Especially as time goes on, the friendship element becomes more and more important, so if it was not there to start with, the marriage is in trouble from the get-go.

Yes, my husband and I are still best friends. However, I do have some female friends, and I think women need them, too.

[ChipperMonkey]

I honestly think that WAAAAY too many people believe that love is enough. Well, point blank, it isn't. The love may fade, but if you've got a strong foundation, ie friendship, beneath that, then the relationship will be stronger overall.

[Hobbit House]

My wife and I are the best of friends, She makes every day better just by being in it!

[fallenstars]

It's my big problem right now. He was my only friend..my best friend. Over the last year that seems to have gone downhill until just recently I realized that best friend relationship seems to have expired. Now I have no one???? And you're right
..love isn't enough.

[JadeAmethyst]

Thanks. Good insight.

[healingme4me]

Yes, my significant other is my best friend, as I am to him. It does take friendship to make things work.

Sometimes it takes a difficult journey, to reach that level of mature comprehension.

When love is by choice, can make for a worthwhile relationship.

Thanks for sharing, just one of many schools of thought. I prefer Harville and Hendricks for interesting reading material. I don't feel any one method has all answers for each unique couple.

In my experience, the "love at first sight head-over-heels attraction" is - SURPRISE! - very important. That type of attraction keeps the relationship alive when times are rough. Without that heavy-duty attraction it's difficult to keep caring when other life events aren't so great.

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by Sister Rags

In my experience, the "love at first sight head-over-heels attraction" is - SURPRISE! - very important. That type of attraction keeps the relationship alive when times are rough. Without that heavy-duty attraction it's difficult to keep caring when other life events aren't so great.

Coincidentally, with a surprise twist, this is how the experience and choice of 'anniversary' date, is described.

Originally Posted by healingme4me

Coincidentally, with a surprise twist, this is how the experience and choice of 'anniversary' date, is described.

.......

[jimmy rich]

Originally Posted by Hobbit House

"You live in illusion and the appearance of things. There is a reality, but you do not know this. When you understand this, you will see that you are nothing. And being nothing, you are everything. That is all."

I love this kind of an esoteric concept and would only add that you will see that you are WONDROUS (or whatever feeling/description you experience) nothing. I experience things like: Awe, thrills, excitement, grace, peace, magic, eternity, totality, love, happiness, joy, ecstasy and feelings that I cannot even find words for! How about you? What does "nothing" feel like to you?

[jimmy rich]

Originally Posted by fallenstars

It's my big problem right now. He was my only friend..my best friend. Over the last year that seems to have gone downhill until just recently I realized that best friend relationship seems to have expired. Now I have no one???? And you're right
..love isn't enough.

IMO, the reason that "love" is not enough is because it does not come with any instructions for keeping it alive or getting it back when it DIES. This is where Relationship Skills & tips come into play to HELP people keep their love feelings and even strengthen them with a few exorcises or practices BUT both of the partners need to DO THEM or it won't work!
The song: You've Lost That Loving Feeling FAILS to tell us HOW to bring back that loving feeling! Many will know that they've "lost that loving feeling" but HOW DO WE GET IT BACK???
LOL, it's EASY when you know how!

[Hobbit House]

Originally Posted by jimmy rich

I love this kind of an esoteric concept and would only add that you will see that you are WONDROUS (or whatever feeling/description you experience) nothing. I experience things like: Awe, thrills, excitement, grace, peace, magic, eternity, totality, love, happiness, joy, ecstasy and feelings that I cannot even find words for! How about you? What does "nothing" feel like to you?

There is only this moment. Everything else is an illusion
This is the truth that Buddha teaches