[2 Souls]

After lots of asking and pleading for sex, my husband broke down and told me that he was not sexually attracted to me and has not been since we were married a few years ago. I will admit that I am a plus size woman (size 14) and was like this before he met me. Now I am pregnant and he lays this on me. I am really internalizing what to do. Although I know that he loves me, it makes me feel that our marriage is a sham. I have been having some self esteem issues and this has not helped. He says that one of the reasons we married was because after we're too old to have sex, he still wanted to have someone who was interesting enough to talk to. While this is great, I feel that having intimacy is very important as well. I have been having a lot of thoughts about cheating or watching porn and of course I know that neither are not right, so I will not do them, but sexually I feel so deprived. What am I to do?

[Travelinglady]

Hello, 2 Souls, and welcome to Psych Central! I have to say I am a bit surprised that you are only finding out about this situation now. Obviously he can have sex with you since you are pregnant. I'm wondering if he is just saying all that now because he is upset with you. Some men have trouble with sex with a pregnant wife.

You might want to post in our Sex forum. Those folks might have some ideas. Some women are content with masturbation, but it depends on how much they miss the actual physical intimacy. Is he at least willing to cuddle and help you to reach satisfaction?

[doyoutrustme]

Is it possible that this is a temporary issue related to the pregnancy? My h was icked out during pregnancy as well.

edited to add: I reread and saw that he said it was since you were married. Another issue for you is that you are blaming *his* issue on you. 14 is not such a big size, imo. If this is true he has a big problem, not you.

[healingme4me]

If you mentioned begging and pleading for sex, and wrote that his issue was surrounding your pregnancy, I'd say, it's pregnancy. But lots of couples have intimacy while there's a pregnancy. Plus, it's oddly freeing, knowing you can't get pregnant, twice

So, um, you are a size 14! And he has issues with a size 14?! I used to think a size 14 was my perfect and ideal size! Never thought I'd drop below it, but alas, I did and I digress!

Marilyn Monroe was a size 14! It's rather a common size to be! Lots of women fluctuate around the size of 14! You can buy size 14's in ANY store and I mean ANY!

After we are too old for sex, we can 'talk', because I just want someone to 'talk' to?! Um?! 1)Too Old for sex?!!? 2)'talk' is cheap!

You didn't marry, under the guise of someone to 'just' 'talk' with for the rest of your life!
Gosh, I've got plenty of friends I can talk to and chit chat with!

No wonder, you are in a vulnerable enough position, to even just grapple with your morals enough to wonder about cheating and porn!

Begging and Pleading with a MAN, to have some level of intimacy, sounds like there's more going on inside his brain than a lack of libido, et al!

[Wanderer1122]

In my opinion, it sounds as though he deceived you from the start of your relationship. The thing to really get straight in your mind here is that HE has the problem and it probably existed before you ever met. He is not being upfront about what he wants sexually. Maybe he feels his true sexual preferences will disgust you. Or maybe he has sexual dysfunction (ie something in his brain does not crave sex... hormones, etc..) Whatever it is he needs to try to solve it. At the very least he should speak with his physician and most likely a therapist. If he is not willing to do this for his wife and his unborn child, then you need to reassess your needs and decide if this is someone you want to dedicate the rest of your life to, or if you would be better off on your own. Good luck.