[Francieblues]

This September will be three years with my partner. We had many ups and downs, through his depression and eventual well deserved recovery,both of us transitioning (he more successfully than I) to entirely different careers, the 12 year age difference between us, a break up and my move abroad, his following me there, and an eventual, joyful reunion. But in the six months since I’ve been home, my feelings for him have been in a state of constant flux. Overnight I will go from loving everything about him, from his weird obsessions to his superlatively good looks, and wanting to marry him and have his ridiculously good looking, intelligent kids, to wishing I was free from him. I imagine the opportunities I would have, the total freedom (although he has zero problem with my extended periods of travel away, there’s still something about having that tie binding me….) I think about how nice it would be to meet someone my age, who doesn’t feel so secure in what he wants, who is still feeling his way, like I am. So what I wonder is, is this a normal thing, that all people go through, or is it a huge warning sign that I should go about getting on?

[atomicc]

Hello Francieblues, welcome to PC
You two have been together a long time and have been through a lot. The fact you keep flipping about on your perception of him could mean you are not sure that he is the one for you. I'm not sure if it's a red flag, but I think it's time you really sat down with your feelings..perhaps call in a good friend or even see a therapist. Make a list of pros and cons, think about the things that really make YOU happy. That is what's most important.
Good luck

[Hobbit House]

Originally Posted by atomicc

Hello Francieblues, welcome to PC
You two have been together a long time and have been through a lot. The fact you keep flipping about on your perception of him could mean you are not sure that he is the one for you. I'm not sure if it's a red flag, but I think it's time you really sat down with your feelings..perhaps call in a good friend or even see a therapist. Make a list of pros and cons, think about the things that really make YOU happy. That is what's most important.
Good luck

This is good advice I hope you find your way!

[hvert]

I think it depends on the frequency, maybe? It seems natural to me to sometimes wonder what life would be like if it were different -- but if you find yourself continuing to go back to these thoughts of splitting up, I would really examine why -- atomicc had some great advice!

Also, why did you break up in the first place and then get back together? Not something to answer here, but something to think about. Were you pressured to change your mind?

[Fuzzybear]