[lunatic soul]

I don't know what to do.
We got together and he seems just perfect guy but he has two children from his ex girlfriend, he doesn't live with them.
I feel guilty for being with him. Should I feel guilty? Be honest.
Maybe I should left him?
I'm afraid I will never be truly happy with him knowing he has two children but on other gand it's stupid to leave someone just because of his past.

Is anyone in the same situation? How do you handle this?
Whay should I do?

[atomicc]

Hello, I don't think you should feel guilty. His ex is his ex for a reason and he doesn't live with them so it sounds like there is nothing there. You shouldn't feel guilty for being with him. If it is a problem for you that he has children, I would talk to him about it. Perhaps if you meet his children and his ex and hear from them you will feel better about the situation? Good luck

[ChipperMonkey]

If you're not the kind of person who wants to have a blended family in the future and be a step-mom, then I'd say this isn't the right relationship for you. Honestly, I have no desire to have step children as I know the drama that it brings with the ex and so on and so forth (been through that before, it wasn't fun, and I'm not doing it again).

Its not stupid to leave someone because of their past. Would you stay with a child molester and give the excuse "well that was in the past!". Nope, you wouldn't. These feelings of yours are very valid and I don't think you can just throw the past away, no matter how minor it may seem, as what matters is how it affects you.

You're still in the honeymoon phase I am guessing, but in the future, he will have to divide up much of his time between you and the kids and everything else he has going on in life. I am personally not the type of person who likes to settle for crumbs, so I don't date guys with kids.

Good Luck!

[healingme4me]

Does being a secondary maternal figure, bother you? If the idea of sharing a piece of him with his kids is troubling, then he's probably not for you.
If it's the unmarried aspect of having children, lots of people don't go into such legal commitments.

[lilypup]

If he is being a good father to his children and gets along decently with his ex, give him a chance. If he ignores or does not support his kids, or is too enmeshed with his ex, move on.

[lunatic soul]

He loves his children and sometimes see them and he gives them and his ex money. He just doesnt love her. He said he did everything to save this relationships but its impossible, she did so much bad things to him. She said she cant be pregnent because she had abortion but it was lie and then she got pregnent from him and he started to live with her just because of this. He said he always wanted to marry girl who he loves and he would surely marry her if he loved her but he doesnt want to destroy his life living with girl who he cant stand just because of their children. He said he wants to be good father nd make his children happy but its hell to live with his ex.
I know he is good person. It hurts that he has children. He even said he would like to marry me someday.
I feel sad that his children live without father and I dont want to take away something what belongs to other girl.

[Jan1212]

He doesn't belong to anybody, you aren't taking him away from her, they are separated right? And he's giving child support, is he seeing his children? It doesn't mean his kids don't have a father, he will always be their father, he has rights to see them. It seems you are still bothered by it, maybe it's not for you at the moment but keep up with the communication with him

[healingme4me]

People can parent children, though not meant to live under the same roof. His seeing his children and helping financially says they aren't without a father. Being without a parent is to be abandoned by their parent.

If he's perfect in every way, this sounds like a mental/ moral block that rests solely on your shoulders. If able to move past it, great, otherwise, seems children from a previous relationship/ marriage is your internal deal breaker.

Does it have an internal source? Are you a product of divorce or a single mom? Were you raised with rigid teachings that divorce or separated parents were undesirable?

Would be too bad to have to let him go, yet, this is his reality. Single dad of two, separated from the children's mom. Visitation non custodial parent.

[lunatic soul]

I didn't say that divorced parents are undesirable and I'm not product of single mom. Your talking is rude healingme4me

[~Christina]

If your boyfriend is no longer with his gf the mother of his children and your ok with being around his children and knowing that at times your Boyfriends attention will be on his children not you(which is normal in relationships with someone that has children already)

You and only you can decide if your willing to be with him and his kids.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

[Nightside of Eden]

Originally Posted by ChipperMonkey

If you're not the kind of person who wants to have a blended family in the future and be a step-mom, then I'd say this isn't the right relationship for you. Honestly, I have no desire to have step children as I know the drama that it brings with the ex and so on and so forth (been through that before, it wasn't fun, and I'm not doing it again).

Its not stupid to leave someone because of their past. Would you stay with a child molester and give the excuse "well that was in the past!". Nope, you wouldn't. These feelings of yours are very valid and I don't think you can just throw the past away, no matter how minor it may seem, as what matters is how it affects us.

I pretty much agree with this. Being a step-parent is a serious responsibility, and some of us don't want that in our lives, even without the probable drama. I don't date anyone who has children or who emphasizes their career above relationships. By following this, I found someone I'm very compatible with, someone who puts me first and doesn't have a bumch of other commitments I'm not prepared to deal with.

[Tazmeena]

Originally Posted by lunatic soul

I didn't say that divorced parents are undesirable and I'm not product of single mom. Your talking is rude healingme4me

I don't pick up on any rudeness here. I just think healingme4me was trying to suggest that your uncertainty may be stemming from an inner struggle you may not be fully aware. We're all here to help one another. In my opinion, we must look within in order to solve any problem. Without knowledge of what the cause may be, it's somewhat difficult to resolve.

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by lunatic soul

I didn't say that divorced parents are undesirable and I'm not product of single mom. Your talking is rude healingme4me

I asked questions, not give opinionated statements of this must be your reality.

Slow down on calling me rude.

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by healingme4me

Does it have an internal source? Are you a product of divorce or a single mom? Were you raised with rigid teachings that divorce or separated parents were undesirable?
.

Those were the questions, asking could there be an internal source from upbringing that makes being with someone with children, this troublesome. Those are a couple ways, that are taught, views that do exist.

The OP questions being with him where he has children with another women.

At this point, seems a nerve was touched. The way you expressed not being raised by a single mom, to a single mom. That's interesting. ..