[everyhappiness]

Not sure if this is the right place to post this, but I could really use some advice.

My sister has been in an on-and-off relationship for the past 2-3 years. The boyfriend seems to be using her for monetary and material reasons and is very manipulative. He tells her that he has spiritual visions of my dead father. I find this extremely offensive. When it comes to my dad, my sister is totally gullible. She truly believes her boyfriend communicates with my dad. This man has never even met my dad. I think my sister has guilt issues about my dad bec when he was in a coma and we were caring for him, she suddenly left for months without reason. He has also treated her badly. This is usually the reasons why they breakup. He cheats on her. He has never publicly acknowledged her as his girlfriend on his social media and has refused to do so. He has very poor communication with her. He doesn't call or text when he says he's going to. And on several occasions, he has stood her up. On this most recent breakup, she caught him in a lie. He then proceeded to admit to her that there was someone else and that he could not resist the temptation of this girl. My sister begged him to choose her over the other person. He chose the other girl instead. With each breakup, my sister reacts more and more dramatic. The breakup before this most recent one, she changed her phone number and mailed back all his things, only to give him her phone number a few weeks later. This time, she suddenly decided to move! She said her apartment was haunted and tainted with his memory and that she couldn't breathe in it. She wrote dramatic posts on her social media accounts about what he did to her and how she was really done this time. And, yes, she moved. She moved to a small yacht. She knows nothing about boats. And she made a big deal about this fresh start. This breakup lasted longer than the others, 4 months to be exact. I actually thougt it might be really over this time. Then, 2 weeks ago, the boyfriend calls. And just like that, he's back in. The thing that worries me is how easily she accpts him back. Her opinion of him changes in the blink of an eye. Suddenly, he can do no wrong and he is the love of her life again. She suddenly forgets all the things he did and all the things she said and did. And with that, she expects the same from me. She wants me to accept him and their relationship. And if I don't, she blames me for potentially destroying our family. She can't understand why I don't accept or like him. It is actually kind of scary how quickly her attitude changes. She suddenly attacks me and says I'm the reason for any drama and negativity. I really don't know how to deal with this anymore. After every breakup, I've been supportive and always there for her. I've never told her what to do and not to be with him. I've always just been supportive, always said her decisions are up to her. But this time, I feel that I can't do this anymore. I almost feel like I'm dealing with a drug addict. What is the proper way to deal with someone like this? Should I just continue to be supportive or should I stand my ground this time and keep my distance and no longer drown in their toxicity? She's my sister and I love her but I have had enough of both of their behavior. I cannot handle her cyclical relationship or drastic behavior any longer.

[hvert]

I would keep my distance. Be there for her (again) when they break up, but let her know you can't watch her do that to herself. I think you are right that this is like a drug addiction. Until she is done with him, she will do the same thing over and over. There's nothing you can really do to make her see the light.

Maybe the next time she does this, you could convince her to go to a counselor? I'm sorry you are stuck with this - it sounds like a really hard situation. I hope this guy moves away or something...

[~Christina]

Im sorry your having to deal with your sisters mess..

Do you and your sister live together? Regardless if you do or dont you need to set boundaries for yourself.. Take your self out of her terrible relationship. She will most likely be upset with you , but so be it, you need to protect your own well being and maybe with you keeping away might make her reconsider her relationship.. One can be hopeful.

She is not going to change her co dependency until she is ready and obviously she is not there yet. Hopefully she will realize that he is not healthy for her and she deserves better.

I do hope she is being safe with birth control and precautions against pregnancy and STD's its a threat to her since he is seeing other people.. the last thing she needs is a baby or a diseasee with someone like him.

Just my opinion..
Take care

[everyhappiness]

Originally Posted by hvert

I would keep my distance. Be there for her (again) when they break up, but let her know you can't watch her do that to herself. I think you are right that this is like a drug addiction. Until she is done with him, she will do the same thing over and over. There's nothing you can really do to make her see the light.

Maybe the next time she does this, you could convince her to go to a counselor? I'm sorry you are stuck with this - it sounds like a really hard situation. I hope this guy moves away or something...

Thank you for your reply. I will consider your suggestion of her going to councling. I really think she could benefit from that. It truly is such a hard situation, but you're right, there is literally nothing I can do to help her see the light. My family and I have done all we can and it has been all for naught.

I'm totally with you, I hope he moves away as well!

[blur]

that has to be difficult to see your sister taking this guy back over and over. i would definitely disengage from her. yeah, she may be mad and try to blame and guilt you but stand your ground. hopefully, without you there to support her when it ends this time it will be for good.

[everyhappiness]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Im sorry your having to deal with your sisters mess..

Do you and your sister live together? Regardless if you do or dont you need to set boundaries for yourself.. Take your self out of her terrible relationship. She will most likely be upset with you , but so be it, you need to protect your own well being and maybe with you keeping away might make her reconsider her relationship.. One can be hopeful.

She is not going to change her co dependency until she is ready and obviously she is not there yet. Hopefully she will realize that he is not healthy for her and she deserves better.

I do hope she is being safe with birth control and precautions against pregnancy and STD's its a threat to her since he is seeing other people.. the last thing she needs is a baby or a diseasee with someone like him.

Just my opinion..
Take care

Thanks so much for your reply. No, we do not live together. I do think you are right, I need to look out for myself as well. It's all just too toxic and I no longer want this kind of stress in my life. As for the birth control, I believe she is on it, but protection from STD's... I highly doubt it. Her getting pregnant or an STD from him is one of my biggest fears for her.

[everyhappiness]

Originally Posted by blur

that has to be difficult to see your sister taking this guy back over and over. i would definitely disengage from her. yeah, she may be mad and try to blame and guilt you but stand your ground. hopefully, without you there to support her when it ends this time it will be for good.

Thanks for your reply. Yes, it is sooo difficult to be watching this happen over and over again. I never thought she would be this kind of woman. I'm just so sad over this whole thing. But I'm trying to take all of your adivce and doing my best to keep my distance this time.