[jesusplay]

I don't understand it. If a couple is always fight and never happy, what's the point? why continue? How can you be married for ten years and still fight? You love each other but you hate each other?

[healingme4me]

It's an age old question, what draws others to stay in tumultuous roller coaster relationships?

One theory discusses an addiction to each other. Some say co dependence. Some say poorly learned skills. Some say mi. There's all kinds of reasons why this could be happening with them. Hard to say.

I'm of similar opinions, try to make it healthier or step away from one another. Life's too short to spend it negatively.

[dedicated]

You might want to read this 6 Obstacles to Building a Healthy Marriage at PC website. I am sure somehow, you can pick up something out of it. I had a relationship for 5 years, I don't remember if we ever had argument, too bad she passed away last year 10 months after diagnosed with lung cancer but at least she enjoyed her last 5 years with full of laughter and fun. Treat everyday as your last day that you have to make the most out of it.

[hvert]

Years ago I read an article that said (hugely summarizing) that there were three kinds of marriages:

1. Neither person likes fighting.
2. One person likes fighting, the other doesn't.
3. Both people like fighting.

According to their study, the second group was unhappiest. People who have similar conflict resolution/argument styles tend to be the happiest.

I am not sure if that has any application to the people you were thinking of when you asked the question, but it makes sense to me. I grew up in a house where loud bickering was normal. It's been an issue when I've dated only children!

[possum220]

Maybe they were never told to play nicely....................

[Melodic]

I don't know about years and years, but from my limited experience it's hard to leave and you just hope things can get better. Or you just ignore the fact you're probably not right for each other. Emotional attachment and fear of being alone. Sometimes fear and anxiety within a relationship makes the other person more desirable or makes you feel more passionate in a twisted way.

[archipelago]

Continual conflict is actually a common way that people satisfy their needs to be in an interaction even if it is negative. Just like a child who acts out is gaining from the attention even if negative. People who are in conflict like this usually have poor boundaries and are "emeshed" even if they seem apart. They often have unstated and therefore unmet needs and this is their attempt to satisfy them. Good news is that it can be changed and is not inevitable.

[doyoutrustme]

Fighting is not a requirement, but I think that fighting it a way to keep from becoming too enmeshed with one another. *how* you fight is different. People in toxic relationships are not doing themselves any favors. but there is a certain amount that is normal.

[8thstreetbungalow]

I personally like the stuff i've read about how you learn your relationship behaviors from your parents when your at a very young age.