A question to guys, how they think about girls

A friend of mine who says I'm his friend but wants to be out of friend zone. He has seen many troubles in life and even today his life is tragic. This isn't any excuse for him to want to have sex with me. But, I'm so confused as I don't want to have sex with him but then I don't want to leave him on his on in the phase of life when he needs a friend support.

What confuses me is that is he manipulating me? I'm a caring human being who even in past has given herself for others happiness. It hurts me because I'm just abused by people but still I can't change who I'm.

Coming back to current situation. This guy claims that he gets peace being with me, that I'm only person he can share his feelings with. Yes, he does share about him, his family and his problems. He also listens to me. I like hanging out with him. But, problem is most of the time he talks about how much he wants to have sex with me, about the time we spend physically close. He will hold me tight and wouldn't allow me to move away. Many a times we are naked. I don't want to have sex and that is why we haven't had it yet.

I tell him that I can be his friend but I can't have sex with him. If that is all he wants, then I'm wrong person. He gets annoyed saying I think that way about him. But, I've my reasons for it. I tell him let us meet out, he wants to be in he bed always. If I call him for help, most of the time he wouldn't come giving some excuse and then claiming that I'm too demanding. On the other hand, he will adjust for everything and anything when he wants the coziness. If we talk he will take it to the how much he wants me. He never talks on how much he like to be with me or talk to me.

I want to ask, does he really like to spend time with me or all he wants is sex and for that he is manipulating me? If there is a girl you like, you love, do u always talk about how much u want them or are there any other topics that u talk about too?

Please help me in understanding

I am female and I can say that if you are spending time with him naked, you haven't put him in the friend zone. You are sending mixed messages to this guy and need stronger boundaries. No wonder he wants to have sex with you if you're willing to lie around with him naked! I don't think anyone here can say if he is manipulating you as you're the one sending VERY mixed messages. (Where I'm from, its called being a tease.)

Female here.

What on earth are you doing with him naked? That already makes it a friends-sorta-with-benefits deal. It's definitely sending mixed messages.

That said... he should respect the fact that you've said you don't want to have sex with him. If that's all he seems to want, is he really a friend?

My bf and I spend most of the days we hang out not having sex. Not that we don't love to have sex with each other... we just enjoy doing other things! We never really talk about it at all, and even in bed we talk about things totally not related to sex.

There's something referred to as "Nice Guy" Syndrome. You may want to read about it a bit.

All said though... you need to make the boundaries clear. If you're JUST friends and that is all that you want from him, then don't be naked around him and don't hold each other close or whatnot. That's not really what people who are just friends do. Friends with benefits yes... but just a simple friendship? I have a lot of close male friends.. and while I'll give them a hug after not seeing them for ages, or they've given me hugs if I've been crying... that's it.

Maybe you both need some time away from each other?

If you really just want a friendship only with him then keep your clothes on all the time when around him. Be firm that you want friendship only and dont waver.

Time away will allow him time to find someone else that he can have sex with and that will stop his constant pestering of wanting it from you.

What you have is a very dysfunctional relationship on so many levels. Is he really a good "friend" ?

Yes YOU can change yourself, You admit that you have been abused by people "because your a caring person". You can be a caring person but still set boundaries in your life and only do what is comfortable to you.. But only you can stop allowing people to hurt you.

Take care

whoa. you need to get some boundaries here. you say you only want to be friends with him but get naked with him. that is not healthy for you at all. it also sends him totally mixed messages and not fair to him. you need to get yourself sorted and learn to say a firm "no". some extended time away from this guy might be best.

Thanks everyone for your answers. Yes, I don't want to cross the friend zone and I'm perfectly good being in my clothes, in fact I prefer them on. But, I can't say No (I know I should, but I can't say it for long) more than twice. Moreover, I'm not uncomfortable being naked. I've told him that he doesn't raise any sexual desire in me and neither will ever be able to. I've tried moving away but he goes into depression and I find it difficult to see him in depressed state.

I get I'm at mistake here. Thanks again

his depression is not your responsibility. that is for him to deal with. you need to take care of yourself and not allow people take advantage of you. can you get some therapy or go to co-dependents anonymous? either would probably help you.

Yep you can't say you don't want sex with him and then be naked with him. Can men and women be platonic friends? But if there has been a relationship or theres is sexual attraction then it is hard. Being naked with the opposite sex ( or same sex come to that if you are gay) is fine for little kids but sends out mixed messages if you an adult ( unless it is a changing room i guess). Help him with his depression but not in that way.

You don't have sex with someone because you feel bad for them or "they" need it. You do it because you want to and the feeling is mutual. One can have friendship with the opposite sex, even a close friendship, but it does not have to involve having sex with them or doing them a favor. Your "friend" is out of bounds but you have not been clear either. Make yourself perfectly clear and take the advice of keeping your clothes on. If he still cannot tolerate being just friends, let him go.

As a guy, it seems to me that you need to have more self respect. This guy is a loser, and you allow yourself to be dragged down to his level.

IMHO - get your head on straight and engage your brain.

Sorry to be so blunt.

I agree!

Stay away from him, would be my advice. I'm getting big warning bells there, love. Best move on... something not right about that one. General rule of thumb: if you don't wanna do something with a man/woman, DON'T do it. You're not obliged to get down and dirty with him because he's depressed, if that were the case, I'd be swimming on women! Lol. Look after yourself.

PS
Unless you're "friends with benefits" (which I actually think, based on what you've told us, is a potentially very bad idea) I'd say stop getting naked with him, unless we just got that out of context, but I don't see how. 'o.O It all sounds rather disconcerting.

I don't know what I'm... I don't intend to be friends with benefits with anyone. I'm asexual and sex means nothing to me. He knows this but yet he isn't ready to accept it. I've told him that sleeping naked doesn't cause anything for me, so he needs to take know what is best for him as I won't have sex with him.
Recently, he tried to seduce me and I had to show him the door. Now, we aren't in talking terms. But, losing a friend (don't know if he is worth calling a friend) is not something I want.

Am I a tease when I'm clear on how I feel? It is comfortable for me to be nude around anyone and nothing arouses me. So, isn't it his decision what he wants? I'm good with clothes as much as without clothes.

I know I shouldn't be contacting him again.. but I want to... why all this?

99.9% of guys will want to have sex with you if you are naked with them. it won't matter what you are saying because your actions (getting naked) are communicating that you want sex. that is how the vast majority of people think. so...if you only want to be friends with a guy keep your clothes on.

are you in any therapy? it sounds like that might help you with these issues.

Lol I concur. If I woman just randomly started taking off all her clothes for me, I would most definitely get ideas! It's nature! Hahahaha Be something wrong with me if I didn't.

There isn't anything wrong, but this is world of asexuality. Where these acts aren't sexual. We can give comfort to others without feeling the need of having sex.
I came to this forum to understand how sexual people think. And I got my answer, that there is no value of fact that I'm just comforting and don't try to seduce me.

It might be comfortable to YOU to be naked around anyone because of your asexuality. But to people who are not asexual, it's usually a pretty big deal. If you're naked around someone they will interpret that as an invitation for sex - even if you tell them that you're asexual. I think it would be a bit inconsiderate of you to be fine with being naked around someone who you know isn't going to be the same sort of ok with it as you are.

Guys will be guys.. ones sex drive you might say goes on a scale of 1 to 10. Those on the lower end can be more comfortable around nudity,physical contact,porn and so on.Those on the upper end find themselves more aroused.
For women there is more emotion with sex. With guys its more physical. (Daa!)
Your good "friend" is not a good friend if he is trying to coarse you into something you don't want to be part of.In a strange way,to satisfy his emotional needs, he finds comfort with you and sex is the icing on the cake. These needs I believe is why so many women give into sex.
Help your friend by suggesting he go for therapy.Help yourself by doing the same.

I always want girls that don't seem to want me. I think I have the same problem as your friend but I'm not as vocal about it as he seems to be. I could never tell a girl I want to have sex with her.

He never said so in the beginning either. He always said it was all friendly. It is now that I'm not ready to accept things as friendly that he is openly accepting. I'm asexual, so I don't want anyone sexually. For you that might not be the case.

Every girl I ever meet, is asexual when I'm around, LOL

I don't think that would be the case. May be u need to know girl better to attract her. Nothing works on me though as far as sex is concerned. But, if u want to be loved without sex, just care for me, be my close friend and I'll love you but not have sex with u

No, I meant it as a joke . They find me unattractive, so they are "asexual" when I'm around. They are sexual, but only in the presence of other guys , see what I mean?

I won't be able to understand this. I pray for u that u get what u want soon.