[Alone & confused]

I give up! In an effort to ake EVERYONE in my life happy, all I managed to do is piss everyone off! So.....I have isolated myself with a bottle of my favorite "poison" & am making MYSELF happy at the expense of my liver. ( moderators I'm sorry if I'm breaking any rules! I'm not myself right now!) How is it that when you're doing your best, it's not only not good enough, but it makes people you love mad?? Screw it! I've done all I know to do! I'm not going to be responsible for how they feel about me! Stick a fork in me I'm DONE!

[Hobbit House]

It sucks drinking alone doesn't it! I hope you feel better soon. maybe some space between you and your problems would be a good idea. Anyway I hope this helps

[Alone & confused]

Originally Posted by Hobbit House

It sucks drinking alone doesn't it! I hope you feel better soon. maybe some space between you and your problems would be a good idea. Anyway I hope this helps

Yes, sometimes it does. Care to join me?? Lol. I thought it was a good idea until they FOUND me, and brought me MORE DRAMA!! guess the next ones gonna be a DOUBLE! Thank you for posting! Come back & see me. I'll be here all night!

[weirdone]

Aren't you the lucky one. (kidding) but i tried to piss my man off and drive him away and he told me he is coming over later anyhow. arrrgggghhhhhh i called him every name under the sun and it did not work, all i got was that i am a masochist looking for trouble and he is willing to give it. That i am not at all submissive and i said to that no duh you just figured that one out you...... bleeeeep. He laughed at that too and i said i am dead serious and he said that is even more reason to him. i told him how i wish he would just go away and reminded him of all the other times i tried to dump him and he said that he knows i love him and i said love does not exist and that he has ego problems if he believes that and no skin off my back if he left. oh well, i am just so pissed at how often he neglects using me. He seems to think if he shows i will love him. i wish it was really effortless to piss people off all the time because he did not seem pissed at all. i am just funny and amusing (rolling eyes)

[Ripose]

Alone & Confused, you can never make everyone happy. No matter what you do there will always be somebody who does not like what you've done. I try to make the few people closest to me happy, not everyone. If don't make the closest people happy they are still good enough people to just brush it off and keep our relationship going, and it goes both ways. Little differences don't matter to close friends or close family.

I know it sounds trite but just do your best, smile and carry on.

[Me and my dog]

I totally get you A&C... Totally. Your words could have been written by me. What you call poison, I call bourbon and bourbon, like my 4 legged best friend seem to be the only two things that don't judge or ridicule this person who is me.

I'm not perfect... actually far from it. I have terrible issues that I'm just beginning to understand and still struggling to except and explain. I'm off to my first open group tonight to look for help with major depression and bipolar disorders.

I'm 45... been married almost 25 years and everything I've done in the past 25 years I've done to try to make her happy. Working jobs I've totally hated. Lost my direct family because they didn't like her and no matter what I've done I seem to get the same outcome. I was wrong. I should have done things differently. I'm selfish and need to think about others instead of myself. I have... I do... it's never enough. There was a time I really had my ***** together and took care of my business as a father and husband should, but somewhere my mind just threw in the towel. If I done one thing, even if it was at her direction, I hear in the end that I should have done the other.

I blame myself for letting someone else manipulate me and my actions. Making 85K a year made her happy, but it made me miserable. Money makes the world go round, but it doesn't make happiness. Managing others when you can't manage yourself has been a nightmare and brought on the suffering I endure today.

Therapy here I am. I refuse to be medicated by anyone but myself myself and for that I once again am wrong. I wish I could walk away from her. I know we are toxic to each other and I always said once the kids were out of the house I was going to leave if she didn't go first yet here I am. Bipolar to the point I blackout during fits of rage... suicidal thoughts multiple times a week and my liver has to think I have no regard to it. I try. Every day I wake up just hoping for a good day, but at the end of the day there's always one constant... Me and my dog and my bourbon. Hang in there and hope. Try not to abuse yourself and your body too much, they keep telling me it's gonna get better so I relay that sentiment to you. Best of luck!

[Alone & confused]

Originally Posted by weirdone

Aren't you the lucky one. (kidding) but i tried to piss my man off and drive him away and he told me he is coming over later anyhow. arrrgggghhhhhh i called him every name under the sun and it did not work, all i got was that i am a masochist looking for trouble and he is willing to give it. That i am not at all submissive and i said to that no duh you just figured that one out you...... bleeeeep. He laughed at that too and i said i am dead serious and he said that is even more reason to him. i told him how i wish he would just go away and reminded him of all the other times i tried to dump him and he said that he knows i love him and i said love does not exist and that he has ego problems if he believes that and no skin off my back if he left. oh well, i am just so pissed at how often he neglects using me. He seems to think if he shows i will love him. i wish it was really effortless to piss people off all the time because he did not seem pissed at all. i am just funny and amusing (rolling eyes)

Wow! Been there, done that too! Just "gotta love" those thick-headed people who can't take a hint even if you threw a brick at their head! I'm the same way......piss off the people I'm trying to keep peace with, but can't chase the "unwanted" ones away with a stick!! I don't understand that! I guess some people just love a challenge and/or abuse. Lol. I have met my ex with "swift & blinding violence" before and he keeps coming around bothering me. I've had a restraining order, almost ran over him with a car to get away from him, called the cops to remove him....all kinds of stuff! It's amazing to me what some people mistake for a term of endearment! (just to clarify, he was abusive so that's why I went to those extremes. I may be "crazy" , but not in a criminal way! ) Good luck with that!

[Slamjammer]

Ha-ha-ha! You are absolutely correct. Sometimes I think I have made a career of it ;-)

At the end if the day it doesn't really matter. Just remain loyal and true to your friends, and don't worry about the opinion of others.

[Alone & confused]

Originally Posted by Me and my dog

I totally get you A&C... Totally. Your words could have been written by me. What you call poison, I call bourbon and bourbon, like my 4 legged best friend seem to be the only two things that don't judge or ridicule this person who is me.

I'm not perfect... actually far from it. I have terrible issues that I'm just beginning to understand and still struggling to except and explain. I'm off to my first open group tonight to look for help with major depression and bipolar disorders.

I'm 45... been married almost 25 years and everything I've done in the past 25 years I've done to try to make her happy. Working jobs I've totally hated. Lost my direct family because they didn't like her and no matter what I've done I seem to get the same outcome. I was wrong. I should have done things differently. I'm selfish and need to think about others instead of myself. I have... I do... it's never enough. There was a time I really had my ***** together and took care of my business as a father and husband should, but somewhere my mind just threw in the towel. If I done one thing, even if it was at her direction, I hear in the end that I should have done the other.

I blame myself for letting someone else manipulate me and my actions. Making 85K a year made her happy, but it made me miserable. Money makes the world go round, but it doesn't make happiness. Managing others when you can't manage yourself has been a nightmare and brought on the suffering I endure today.

Therapy here I am. I refuse to be medicated by anyone but myself myself and for that I once again am wrong. I wish I could walk away from her. I know we are toxic to each other and I always said once the kids were out of the house I was going to leave if she didn't go first yet here I am. Bipolar to the point I blackout during fits of rage... suicidal thoughts multiple times a week and my liver has to think I have no regard to it. I try. Every day I wake up just hoping for a good day, but at the end of the day there's always one constant... Me and my dog and my bourbon. Hang in there and hope. Try not to abuse yourself and your body too much, they keep telling me it's gonna get better so I relay that sentiment to you. Best of luck!

Sounds like we have a lot in common! I'm 45 with bipolar/depression, waiting for the last of my kids to grow up, no matter what I do it's wrong, bourbon is what I drink because liquor is quicker! (My boyfriend drinks
beer. That's too weak for me!) I admire you for having been married for so long! My last two

marriagesended because of abuse. The man I'm with now isn't like that, but I still have trust issues that I'm not sure I can get past.

[Alone & confused]

Me and my dog:
Sorry about that jacked-up reply!! This phone is about to go airborne!! I started to buy a new one the other day. Guess I should have! I hope you can make sense out of the BS way it came out! Now I've lost my train of thought!! Oh well. Just one more thing I can't get right. But I DO know how to pour myself a drink without screwing that up. CHEERS! I'm here if you ever need someone to talk too. Good luck!