[GoldenClover]

Hello everyone, this will be my first post here...I'll start by saying Hello! I'm here after a recent series of events lead me to believe I need to change my ways and I need some help. Admitting that is the first step they always say, no?! For the past 10 years or so I have been struggling with keeping my emotions in check. I go from extreme highs feeling great, to lows in which I cannot control my temper. After a recent series of events I have realized I can no longer live with these ups and down, it has cost me past relationships, job opportunities and most recently it has caused my girlfriend of many years to request some time away from me to determine if she can continue. This issue is my "mood swings" as she calls them, I seem to completely shut down and feel angry or sad at the smallest of things. An example might be if its a friday night and she wants to just stay at home without me I feel sad/angry that she didn't want to see me which ends up with me getting upset and causing an argument. When I take a step back I know its completely ridiculous to feel that way and react the way I do, but in the moment I cannot separate reason from emotions. I am at the point in my life where I want to open myself up for help. I no longer want to be held captive by my own emotions. I want to progress my relationship along with my career but I won't be able to do either without a change. I am looking for strategies for controlling myself and ways to more effectively express my feelings in the heat of moment. I know she cares about me and would never do anything to hurt my feeling or offend me, but like I said in the heat of the moment I lose all rational thought and focus solely on the negative. I fully realize there is no simple or quick solution, I am in this for the "long haul" as they would say. I post this in the relationship section because it has most effected my relationship, however it could possibly fit into a more general thread...apologies in advance if this is not the correct place for this post. Thanks!!

GC

[Travelinglady]

Hi, GoldenClover, and welcome to Psych Central! I really think you need to see about getting therapy for these mood swings, and to see if you might have some sort of disorder.

Feel free to read and post in the different forums. Here's one you might find particularly helpful: http://forums.psychcentral.com/coping-emotions/.

I hope you will be able to calm down soon. Again, welcome!

[allme]

Hi there! We seem to be at similar points in our lives! I am also opening my eyes and seeing behaviours, feelings and emotions that are just wrong and causing negative effects in my life. First of you, you should feel proud of yourself for coming this far, to see the problem and own it is the first, most very important step.

IMO the next step is to try and understand the root causes of behaviour/emotions. Now this you may need to do in therapy. Once you can understand why, once you get down to your true beliefs about the world and yourself, you can then start challenging them. This isn't going to be easy but you need to think of it as a re-wiring! Don't drive yourself mad with it, but when you feel or behave in a negative way...ask yourself, what is it really that's hurting you, what are you afraid of? What belief do you have that triggered behaviour/emotion?

So yeah, then when you find the reasons...or what makes sense to you at least, you need to replace negative beliefs with positive ones that will help you grow, develop and produce positive results. Even if you know what you should believe or what you believe would help, even if you don't believe it at first...keep at it. Keep practicing and reinforcing new belief.

Ok so maybe all that isn't for you, but from CBT and talking to ppl, I have learned and for me, its makes perfect sense!

I am struggling with challenging those negative/false beliefs. For me, I learned I don't have any self worth and have very low confidence which triggers all kinds of feelings which then produce my terrible behaviour. For me, I need to believe I am worthy and build self confidence. I am finding it all very hard right now.

Once your eyes are opened to these things, I believe, anything is possible with our own development. We have the power to feel how we want about ourselves, we have all the power and it is so sad that we don't learn to use it until all the pain and regret is felt. However, it is never too late....

I hope I made sense, sorry if I went on a bit, but this is all very close to home for me right now