[Daycia]

I seriously have an issue....hacking into my bf fb acct. Seeing he's wanting to sell his swatches...getting a pm for a girls # for it and then I make up info for someone else who wants them! He says he sold 2 and I told him maybe I wanted one. Yet, I "never shown interest and they're just sitting there"! Too bad so sad if it is one I wanted he sold it and isn't going back on his word.....I thought with everything he said mine is yours yours is mine we make financial decisions together would include this!?!
The bigger picture...I'm constantly checking his fb figuring out his phone password reading his messages...he's constantly tellin people he may not be able to go out he needs to check with his "ball and chain" "his old lady" telling all these other girls how bad his relationship is to not tell me they're talking privately that I'm overly jealous (tis true). I'm sorry when I have seen proof of you texting girls phn & fb about their legs, how you think of them when having sex with me, how you wish you could frisk them again it fricken HURTS....OH but he's done absolutely nothing wrong because he's not out having sex or actually hanging with these girls. What is his deal!? And why am I so darn bent on finding something wrong!? I know it's wrong and I try to hold myself to not look but I give in and do. I've even deleted messages from girls before he can see them...he's blocked my posts on the newsfeed on fb and doesn't care he says. He says he's had plenty of sex no strings attached opportunities that he's declined because he was in a relationship. It has gotten so bad that this past weekend we were drinking got home were arguing. I recorded and led the convo. I was screaming some lies of him hitting me and help. He DID do 4 things. 1. Spit in my face twice. 2. Key across my neck. 3. Hand in my throat. 4. Push me back causing me to fall hit my head on the guitar and have a cut/concussion. He only apologized for spitting because he says that's all he did. Obviously cops came and he was arrested. I was provoking him and not letting him just leave like he wanted. I kept getting in his way. Now if I want to save this relationship I must pull out of my depression be happy make extra money and help pay for this. He's going to his friend and expecting me to say I'm at fault what happened never happened or I lost my own balance I pushed first his was self defense. Now, he's a 278lb 6ft 1in man who works out 4x a week. I'm 5ft6in 160lbs no muscle at all...if I can push him away there's some super strength in me. I don't want to lie to court but I don't want him to lose rights to his 9yr old daughter who he actually loves and works super hard for. But meanwhile all along he's secretly texting other females. I have no one to turn to. I can't tell my family and I don't have many friends. We are in a lease I am listed as his spouse and we still have a little less than a year left. I know I am a bit psychotic and jealous. But for justified reasons perhaps not!? I only looked because in the beginning he would just have his phone right open in front of my eyes and I saw what was going on. Soon a pass code was put on it so obviously I figured he was hiding something doing something plus I can't send him pictures of myself because people can apparently get in his phone and see those but it's okay to have an album of a hundred Chive girls or just random Internet naked chicks. With his passwords they are not hard he's even given them to me before. I need help on how to stop this behavior but also things he's done doesn't seem right and is hurtful in my opinion...although he's making me believe I'm being to dramatic and over thinking. I don't know what to do. Cops say it is his fault what happened I'm torn between that...but they won't let me say my piece anymore.
I have been in very abusive relationship before and I honestly feel like this is different. He's not "abusive" but very set in his ways and what he thinks. I don't know how to deal with this type of person or have him just see and try to relate to my point of view. Plus he is NOT jealous at all. He doesn't care about if I am up late texting or posts from guys but I'm exact opposite. I feel there should be respect! Granted I only pretended and sent myself texts at night to make my phone buzz because I felt so guilty if I tried it with a man.

If anyone can make sense of this post and give some good advice in how to help myself and also have him understand what I think he's done wrong and get a real sympathetic apology. I think that would help. Thank you so much.

Daycia

[lilypup]

1) I hate FB.
2) leave him immediately before you get hurt
3) forget about an apology...he doesn't think he's done anything wrong

[~Christina]

The whole relationship is a train wreck .. You need therapy to learn why you get into abusive relationships.... Be smart and get away from him and straighten your life out. See a therapist to help you feel better about yourself and learn healthy ways to have a relationship.

You do not owe his anything. Just leave.

Take care.

[Nina Simone]

Why are you still there and trying to salvage this mess? Get Out and Be Safe! Go to therapy, work on your issues and try to find some happiness. This is not a good situation my friend!

[Daycia]

Thank you all for the replies. I've got two therapy sessions next week. My first time and I have anxiety about opening up face to face to someone. I want to know what I'm doing wrong how to stop these urges and have a healthy lifestyle and relationship with someone. I know I need to leave but I need to save up some money buy myself some furniture and move out. If only it could be faster. I wish I knew why I was in these relationships. Everything is always perfect until I drink. So I've stopped cold turkey. Not like I drank a lot before only weekends. Or a glass of red wine after work here and there. Sometimes I feel like I'm playing the "victim card". Like I'm seriously messed up and self sabotage myself and relationships and push and push until the other person snaps. Then I'm all well you did this and this and this. So I've started to admit to things that I did do wrong and apologize. My pushing buttons is just out of control I start up in something else again. I'm not going into his phone anymore, I came out and clean about what I have done with his info of course he's upset with that. But, I want to change and be a better person. I can't do that with him being mad at me over the assault charges brought to him. I think if I can save his relationship with his daughter I will feel a bit better about ending the relationship like an adult.
I just can't understand why having a man who's done everything for me except those few things and this one big fight can't be changed or fixed. I guess it would be different if he was also willing to work on himself but I have to give up trying to change and make him a better person. I just don't want to lie to the court about what DID happen and I don't want him in trouble either. So much to think about it is making my head spin! Lol

Daycia

[Nina Simone]

Daycia you are taking major steps by posting here and seeking therapy! Be proud of that and be kind to yourself! Whatever is going on with you is not going to change quickly. I know in my own life the answers have been right in front of me but I couldn't see them no way...no how. Therapy for me was about building a relationship. It takes time to really reveal your true self but try and give it the time needed. I wish you all the best and I'm sending good vibes your way!!!

[Daycia]

Nina, thank you so much. Your post was very soothing and encouraging. As my Monday appointment gets closer I am getting more and more nervous. I wish I had someone support wise to be there but I must do this on my own and that is a huge step for me with my public anxiety issue as well. I want my happy, active personality back. I want trust and these jealousy issues to go away. I want peace. It cannot get here fast enough!

Daycia