[dedicated]

I felt in love the first time when I was 19 years old. We shared good relationship for about 5 years. Her harmonious family welcomed me and became a part of it. Her Mom's death due to cancer changed the family forever. A family member fixed her marriage 8 months after her Mom passed away. Because I love her so dearly, I accepted and understood the reason why she had to marry that guy who she talked to 14 days before the wedding and saw the first time the day before her wedding. Been 30 years since she got married but her siblings are still in contact with me and still consider me a part of the family. My exgf and I still exchange friendly emails regularly, sort of life updates.

Since I lost that first relationship, I was charmed by several women, I was not able to resist the temptations that I even had 4 girlfriends at the same time but none of them lasted for a year. I was the one who broke off the relationships because I didn't feel the love I felt with my first one. It was always a good break up. Out of 28 girlfriends I had for 23 years, I still communicate with 17 of them, 8 of them still consider me as good friend.

Twenty-seven (27) years after I lost my first love, I felt in love again but it wasn't the same feeling with the first one. This time it was because we have almost perfect friendship. We shared fun, full of laughter having jokes all the time and played games together. I don't remember that we ever argued for almost 3 years together. She passed away end of last year 10 months after she was diagnosed with cancer. I wonder why I was devastated losing her this time, not like the first one that I accepted and understood why she had to leave me.

Do I really know what LOVE is? Who did I really love, the first one or this last one? Will I fall in love again and keep the relationship till I die? I feel like I am determined to be single forever, is it because I don't really know what love is?

[jimmy rich]

For me, love is only part of what a relationship is and I now consider good relationship skills to be the MAIN thing in any relationship. It's nice to find, feel and FALL in love BUT it's what the partners do after that which counts, IMO. Many people, including me, can fall in love but, unless they know how to keep that love alive, the relationship may slowly or quickly DIE when the Honey Moon is over and the couple has to begin making the relationship work or FAIL - as most do! My first love could have been my one and only BUT I just wasn't ready to make a go of it and went through a few other wonderful females and a wife BEFORE I learned how to make a relationship actually work so my last wife of 22 years is my final stop on the way and we have been able to keep our love and even increase it all because we both took the time to learn how by using some very simple, easy and OBVIOUS relationship skills that we found in a few books. I do not regret losing the wonderful loves I had along the way but wish I had known many years ago how to make a relationship work. I was not given very good role modeling by our extremely limited parents so I left home very ill equipped to make a go of love once I found it.

re: Do I really know what LOVE is?
me: I knew what love is but never knew how to KEEP it! I didn't know about good relationship skills!

Who did I really love, the first one or this last one?
me: I loved ALL OF THEM but, without good relationship skills, it didn't matter!

Will I fall in love again and keep the relationship till I die?
me: I'd say yes BUT do you know how to keep it till you die?

I feel like I am determined to be single forever, is it because I don't really know what love is?
me: For me, it was all because I did NOT KNOW how to make it work. NOW I DO!
jim