[lilypup]

I am 55 and have had severe mental illness since being a teenager. I have had many good spells of mental health.
My husband and I have been married 28 years. During this time, his sister was not overly friendly with me. I don't think she understood my illness and we didn't explain it all to her. Her husband, however, we had a good relationship with.
Well, now I have explained to her that I have psychosis and hear voices. She has been supportive and I feel our relationship is on the mend.
My question is this: I have 3 nieces and nephews ages 23,20, 18. I've had no relationship with these kids. Is it too late to forge something with them? I feel so guilty about this. I have kids of my own 26,23,and 20 so I know something about that age.
What do you think? How could I start?

[IchbinkeinTeufel]

I don't think it's too late at all, but it could very well depend on what those guys are like; if they're understanding and mature, perhaps it will go well. I'm 28; I would understand if you explained, just as I hope my nephews will understand when they grow up.

[hvert]

Maybe just reach out and invite them out to coffee or lunch? Since you are familiar with that age range already, you know not to take it personally if they would rather hang out with friends than family

[jimmy rich]

Originally Posted by lilypup

My question is this: I have 3 nieces and nephews ages 23,20, 18. I've had no relationship with these kids. Is it too late to forge something with them?

IMO, it depends on my intentions and what I want or expect from a relationship or want to GIVE the other person.

I feel so guilty about this. I have kids of my own 26,23,and 20 so I know something about that age.
What do you think? How could I start?

Not sure what the "guilty" part is but, I would begin by treating the nieces pretty much the way I treat my own kids and attempt to get them talking about them self and their lives, experiences, interests, jobs, joys, etc. I would definitely examine my own needs and desires in such a relationship BEFORE jumping in there. I have a lot of relatives, close and near, that I do not communicate with AT ALL and they have never reached out to me, but then, I don't have an agenda or interest in any of them - not that anything is wrong between us. If some niece or cousin contacted me, I might try to relate with them but I don't have any interest in it right now. I've often thought of contacting some of the younger members of our family but my motives are kind of selfish and self serving (like wanting approval, understanding, forgiveness, acceptance, etc.) so I don't do it. I don't want to USE them to bolster my own low self worth or insecurities from past family stuff. I'd love to know how some of my in-laws have turned out but not if I am just looking for their APPROVAL/ACCEPTANCE!
I can love them as they are from a distance and wait for some of them to approach me if they feel like it.
good luck
jim

Originally Posted by lilypup

I am 55 and have had severe mental illness since being a teenager. I have had many good spells of mental health.
My husband and I have been married 28 years. During this time, his sister was not overly friendly with me. I don't think she understood my illness and we didn't explain it all to her. Her husband, however, we had a good relationship with.
Well, now I have explained to her that I have psychosis and hear voices. She has been supportive and I feel our relationship is on the mend.
My question is this: I have 3 nieces and nephews ages 23,20, 18. I've had no relationship with these kids. Is it too late to forge something with them? I feel so guilty about this. I have kids of my own 26,23,and 20 so I know something about that age.
What do you think? How could I start?

Uhmmm...tough one actually. By all means, I'll say try, but you might be disappointed, because being the age they are and basically being adults themselves, their independence might not lend them to respond in the way, or at the rate, you had hoped for. But, if this does happen, don't feel bad or anything, they are kind of grown up already with made up minds somewhat. You've done good with your own children, considering you have raised them despite all the issues you have faced your entire life (well done!!!). Was it you that was telling me about your son who is 23 and is such a friendly and honest young guy? That tells me you did a good job (considering he is also the "middle child", normally the most difficult one for any parent).

Young people (of today especially) are rather difficult to connect with (even for me and I'm 25! ) and you never know how they are going to respond, so don't sweat it too much. Honestly, there are some family members I never see (only when they get married or something ) and I can't actually say that my life has been somehow empty without them. We're family, but honestly, I have some friends that are closer than what they are to me.

I would say, only if they are going to become a big part of your life from this point onwards, like maybe you are now going to see them on a much more regular basis or something, then, of course, you'll have to get closer to them because you are more in their company than before. But, if not, then maybe it's not really going to matter actually, IDK.

Originally Posted by hvert

Maybe just reach out and invite them out to coffee or lunch? Since you are familiar with that age range already, you know not to take it personally if they would rather hang out with friends than family

So true!!! Yeah, don't feel rejected or disappointed, because sometimes this can very well happen, but it doesn't mean anything directly towards you at all.

[~Christina]

I say do the " hey lets grab a coffee . Its never to late to have a relationship.