[new_guy245]

Please be patient with me. I am a professor and I have a situation with a college student . Long story short. This student frequently stops by my office for chit chat. First, I didn't think much of it but then I slowly started developing a strong crush on him. I know that's wrong and so I have been working to distance myself from this student but it's getting out of hand. In fact I asked this student to keep details about his personal life out of our discussion. So, the other day he is in my office and he goes like " I know you don't want to know about my personal life but I am getting married soon.. blah blah". And something tells me he probably knows I have a crush on him because any time he mentions his girl friend, I act upset and indifferent. So, is he just pulling my chain?

Considering the fact that my feelings are not going away, things like this have started affecting me.

How do I handle this? After I have explicitly asked him not to talk about his relationship with me he choses to do it anyway. What makes this whole situation incredibly hard is that this particular student has been showering me with compliments both in class and in my office and in the evals. He has been nothing but nice to me. First I thought it was just for grades but that's not the case. He genuinely appreciates my teaching.

So, I am planning to ask him to limit office visits unless he has an academic question. Although this may sound harsh, I believe I need to do this for my own sanity. Any thoughts? I am sure he will be quite upset if I said this but I can't see how else I can prevent him from chit chatting with me.

Please no negative comments. I believe some of this is my fault because I have been encouraging office visits and I am trying hard to shut him down..

We are all humans and the I can't help developing a crush. I am young prof in my 20's. But I am always very professional in my behavior though. It's all just in my head. Any ideas on how to distance myself from him without binge explicit and harsh with him?

[IchbinkeinTeufel]

Welcome to Psych Central, new guy245.

How old is the student? If he's getting married, I can't imagine he's much older than you, or maybe even older. I assume you are male, ... there's been no mention that he's gay/bi, so... are you sure you've read him right in that regard? Although it does strike me as unusual for a straight person to shower a man, his tutor no less, with compliments like that, unless he just really respects you and cares what you think of him.

I definitely think you need to talk about this, because it's causing a problem, and the last thing you want is to damage your professional reputation over a crush. Could you speak to a professional about this? Could you take some time off, to get him out of your mind? I would also keep him at a distance; what he's doing is just as inappropriate as what you're doing; you're both adults, but it's a purely professional setting.

I still think seeing a professional could help, in-case this happens again in the future.

Best of luck.

[hvert]

Is he flirting with you or does he just enjoy your company?

I don't see anything wrong with telling him that you have to work and can't chit-chat anymore, especially now that the semester is starting up again in full swing. I think you could pull that off without letting him know the real reason.

[new_guy245]

Originally Posted by Zwangsstörung

Welcome to Psych Central, new guy245.

How old is the student? If he's getting married, I can't imagine he's much older than you, or maybe even older. I assume you are male, ... there's been no mention that he's gay/bi, so... are you sure you've read him right in that regard? Although it does strike me as unusual for a straight person to shower a man, his tutor no less, with compliments like that, unless he just really respects you and cares what you think of him.

I definitely think you need to talk about this, because it's causing a problem, and the last thing you want is to damage your professional reputation over a crush. Could you speak to a professional about this? Could you take some time off, to get him out of your mind? I would also keep him at a distance; what he's doing is just as inappropriate as what you're doing; you're both adults, but it's a purely professional setting.

I still think seeing a professional could help, in-case this happens again in the future.

Best of luck.

This student is in his late twenties. His comments sometimes come off like he is not straight. I have picked up on a few things. For instance, there were times he has commented on things such as I have great hair. But obviously he is engaged to a woman.

There was one time when he showed a picture of him with his girl friend and I got really annoyed by it. It was so obvious and he actually knew that it affected me. That's why I don't understand why he somehow is unable to keep things about his dating life out of our discussion.

But, you are correct. I need to distance my self from him. It's going to be very hard for me to do that but I have no other choice. I am afraid that If I keep encouraging his office visits, the crush will only grow even stronger.