[new_guy245]

Please be patient with me. I am a college professor and have a situation with a student . Long story short. This student frequently stops by my office for chit chat. First, I didn't think much of it but then I slowly started developing a crush on him. I know that's wrong and so I have been working to distance myself from this student but it's getting out of hand. In fact I asked this student to keep details about his personal life out of our discussion. So, the other day he is in my office and he goes like " I know you don't want to know about my personal life but I am getting married soon.. blah blah". And something tells me he probably knows I have a crush on him because any time he mentions his girl friend or shows me a picture of her, I act indifferent and kinda upset.

Considering the fact that my feelings are not going away, things like this have started affecting me.

How do I handle this? After I have explicitly asked him not to talk about something he choses to do it anyway. What makes this whole situation incredibly hard is that this particular student has been showering me with compliments both in class and in my office and in the evals. First I thought it was just for grades but that's not the case. He genuinely appreciates my teaching.

So, I am planning to ask him to limit office visits unless he has an academic question. Although this may sound harsh, I believe I need to do this for my own sanity. Any thoughts? I am sure he will be quite upset if I said this but I can't see how else I can prevent him from chit chat.

Please no negative comments. I believe some of this is my fault because I have been encouraging office visits and I am trying hard to shut him down..

We are all humans and the I can't help developing a crush. I am young prof in my 20's. But I am always very professional in my behavior though. It's all just in my head. end of rant

how do I distance myself from him without being harsh and abrupt? It looks like this is one student who doesn't take the hint.

[written_by]

Boy. that's a pickle, isn't it? I had a similar situation at work. Flirting with a younger girl (she 20, me 29) at work, although I didn't consider it flirting but co-workers told me that it was and told me this girl clearly had feelings for me. As soon as they said that, boom, life at work was weird. I felt weird. Uncomfortable. I'm married, have a kid and never have been the type that someone overtly develops crushes on or for.

What happened was I left the job. Pined for a little bit, she was (is) absolutely gorgeous, that type of gorgeous that keeps you up at night, but eventually I learned to deal with it. Knowing that it wasn't good for anyone.

You are doing the right thing, distancing yourself. If he is getting married, let him get married but if there is some affection for you, maybe you should be honest with him and let him know the situation.

[kaliope]

I don't see anything wrong with setting boundaries with the student. you can let him know that things have gotten out of hand and these chats are taking too much time away from work so you need to minimize the chit chat and get back to work. good luck and take care.

[lilypup]

If you value your job, you will stay away from this guy. TOTALLY. If you MUST meet with him ask another person to be present. Sorry if you view this as a negative comment.
In the future, stay professional and don't go anywhere near students socially. Pretend you are a therapist and it is illegal. You are setting yourself up for a mess.