I don't want to live anymore

I'm in a position that is sticky. I've been depressed for a few days. I want to cry all the time- i mean all the time. I've posted on this before and I'm going to harp on again the same old tune because that's just who I am. I met someone on a uni trip- i liked him- felt a connection. It won't go away- I've fried telling him for closure.I'm finally at breaking point because (here comes the sticky part)- I'm in a relationship already and tomorrow is our anniversary. I've just moved in with him(dropped out of uni because i didn't wanna be in the same environment as that guy) and honestly when he makes me laugh I couldn't love anything more- I love lying on the sofa with him and all the stuff that comes with living with someone- My boyfriends accepts all my **** - he has cleaned up his act for me and is the most perfect person in the world for me. But as soon as that stops (the laughing , I'm going back to be clinically depressed) because i want to try with the other guy and that kills me and brings me to tears because I would HONESTLY rather die than hurt my boyfriend. I don't want that other guy because I'm happy with my life atm and i'm happy with my boyfriend- there is something inside me that tells me i need to hang on- that he is the love of my life. Please help- i don't know what to do. Im waiting on a letter that is going to tell me when my cognitive behavioural therapy will start. I'm not sure i'll last that long. I've swallowed lots of pills before(a few years ago). I'm at that point again- My boyfriend will and my parents will be devestated but if being like this is the reality i'd rather be dead if I'm honest. I know what paracetamol does to you - And i don't care.

Refrain from seeing this person and even avoid him on social media, like facebook. I've been in this situation recently and was escalating the situation via Facebook. I'm still in this situation technically but I realize that an infatuation isn't worth hurting someone who loves me and puts up with me.

Thanks for getting back to me. I have for the past six months- Ive looked on his Facebook a aortal of like 5-6 times and as this feeling grows stronger i get an urge to go on it (i i never do because it feels like betrayal and i know it is bad for me). Ive been in a situation like this before but i was single (it was a girl) and i was in love. This is infatuation and I don't like it (thanks for bringing it back to me that it is an infatuation and not something else). I really appreciate it. I hope we can both move past this.

I hope we do to. Frankly I have 2 people I'm avoiding and just don't know what the hell is wrong witn me sometimes.

I wish i could tell you and help you but all i can say is there is nothing wrong with you. Nothing wrong with me. We just can't deal with emotions very well and become confused by them. It is like two people pulling you from side to side all the time. At some point we will feel ok again- I think;

I think you need to call a hotline.

I talked to my mum. She helped.