[magnuson25]

Hello,
I thank everyone that will put in time and effort to help me solve my issues. First off, I am a little embarrassed to talk to my friends and ask for help so I am going to do it through this forum. I am currently employed as a Police Officer where I have been there for 3 years, and its just one of those things where Im never supposed to cry or be upset because I'm supposed to be the strong one. When it comes to my girlfriend, I try to be the strong one, but lately, it has just gotten to me, and yesterday, I had a totally mental breakdown with her, and I cried my eyes out! I felt so ashamed because I didn't want her to see that it was hurting me so much. So within the last 3 months, she started going through the Police Academy as well. We have been together for almost 2 years now. When we first started dating, everything was great! We never fought, and would always cherish our time together, and we would show that we loved each other mentally and physically. We would have sex every day! So, later that summer, we started to separate a little bit because work got in the way, and I would always choose work over her. I felt so bad, because there was a point that we were going to break up, and honestly, at that point, it didn't really bother me. But we decided to stick it out, and we rebuilt our relationship. It was better than when we first got together. I listened to her and recognized that I was choosing work over her and I made a commitment to change that, and I did. So about 4 months ago, things were still going great, and we decided it was the right time to take the next step and move in together. When she moved in, it was great. We didn't have any issues and it brought us even a little closer getting to spend more quality time together. Once she started at the police academy, I noticed things started to change. One thing about me is that I am not very self confident. I have been cheated on before in my last two relationships, so I tend to have a trust issue. Once she started at the academy, she started to talk about this one guy named "Cardines" a lot. It bothered me a little bit and I told her that, but it wasn't that bad. All I pretty much told her is that I don't want him to replace me. The further she gets into the police academy, the further I feel us separating. We went from having sex once a day, to once every other day, to once a week, and now, we are at maybe once a month. So 4 days ago, she told me that she was going to be a guest speaker at a university that we live near. She has ties there and I didn't have any reason not to believe her. She left around 4pm and told me she would be back around 9. So around 630, I lost my cell phone, so I logged into iCloud to play a sound to it. We both share the same iCloud account, so when I logged in, I saw her cell phone as well. It show's on a map where the cell phone is at. What I saw amazed me.... Her phone was no where near the university that she told me she was going to. It was intact 45 minutes in the opposite direction. So that had me very curious to what was going on, so I texted her "Um... where are you?" She never replied to me until 830, and she called me on the phone and said that she was at the hospital with one of her friends because their dad just had a heart attack and her friend didn't have a car so she drove her there. Needless did she know, but I knew she wasn't at a hospital because I saw her on GPS at a house. Of course, once I saw it and she wasn't answering, I checked it again every 30 minutes or so, and noticed that she was still at that same house. Anyways, I didn't think anything of it because I wanted to trust her, but deep down, I knew something was up. So, when she got home, I was upset and didn't talk to her before bed, and instead I just went to bed. The following morning when she was going into work, I was talking to her and she told me that ever since she started texting a guy named "Joe" that I have been giving her the cold shoulder (Honestly I didn't even realize that I was doing it.) But since she brought that up, I wanted to see who this joe guy was. He was also employed at the police department that we work for. So, after doing some investigation, I come to find out that "Joe" lives at the same place that her phone was showing to be on GPS. So last night when she gets home from work, I have the breakdown on her. I just wanted to know why??? I wanted to know what I couldn't do or what I did wrong. She assured me that she was not cheating on me, and the only reason she didn't tell me that she stopped at Joe's was because she knew that I wouldn't like it. So after a lot of crying and talking, one thing that sticks with me today is something she said. She told me "I don't know how to say this without sounding like a ****, but I don't love you the same way that I used to. The stress at work is affecting me and because I am so stressed at work and have zero cares there, it is carrying home with me and kinda making me have zero cares at home." She told me that it wasn't me, and the it was her, but she didn't know how to fix it. She also said that she doesn't want to loose me, but she wants me to be happy, but she just doesn't know how to fix herself. At one point she said "I think the best thing is to let you go so that you can be happy, but the selfish side of me doesn't want to let go because I love you and don't want to loose you." So with her saying that, she told me that she still loves me, but she doesn't feel like she can make me happy. The thing that makes me happy is being with her, but I just want to get things back to the way things used to be. I told her that we have to find a way to relieve the stress in a positive way, instead of letting it bundle up and bring it home.
I need some advise on what to do with the whole situation. I am so torn because I love her SOOO much and I want to make things work, but I don't want to put my entire heart into something that will never work out. Do you guys have any advise to help?

[Travelinglady]

Hello, magnuson25, and welcome to Psych Central! From what you reported that she said, I think she was trying to let you down easy, and I think she is telling you that the relationship is over. She is evidently happier that way. But let's see if other people here feel the way I do.

In the meantime, I wouldn't try to talk to her much or push her.

[healingme4me]

Hard maintaining a loving relationship, when there's little trust. And not that you haven't been given ample reason not to trust.
Those that want to make relationships thrive, make time, are transparent and don't make excuses.
Wish I could give a panacea. Sounds like a sorrowful relationship.

[dedicated]

Welcome to PC buddy! I had read this article over and over tho i haven't been married but the more i read it, the more i found shortcomings that i need to fix. Please try to check it out: 6 Obstacles to Building a Healthy Marriage | Psych Central. I suggest that both of you would read it.

Wish you the best.