[Orion XXV]

Alright, it's been a while since I posted on PsychCentral, but I figured I'd update my scenario to an extent.

I've been with my boyfriend for over 3 years now and things have dramatically changed within the past year. He claims that he took our relationship as "serious" back in November and ever since, he's become a verbally abusive partner... Now the question is why? Things haven't always been great but why is there now a level of abuse? He claims that my personality is the reason for him calling me "retarded" and saying that I'll never amount to anything in life. He sometimes says that he's only with me because he "feels bad" for me. If that's the case then what was the purpose of staying for 3 years?

Now, I've attempted to leave on 2 occassions. I packed my bags and made a ditch effort to my parents' house... well... that sends him into an emotional frenzy. He will cry and cry and start puking all over himself to the point where I think he's going to change. And yes! I know! This sounds like a typical battered wife syndrome! Trust me... it feels like I'm being abused, especially when he doesn't let me leave the apartment. There's also "going to be a problem if you try to leave" and that makes me want to leave even more. But a part of me likes the sweet man that comes out of the angry tyrant and I keep kicking myself in the tush for it.

I don't know what my boyfriend really thinks or feels. I mean, he is bipolar and I'm not trying to generalize, but I can't see the truth because the messages change. It's almost like seeing the bright sun over my head and then suddenly it begins to rain and you're left wondering what just happened... I thought it was going to be a nice day.

[usbigtymers2005]

Originally Posted by Garrett90

Alright, it's been a while since I posted on PsychCentral, but I figured I'd update my scenario to an extent.

I've been with my boyfriend for over 3 years now and things have dramatically changed within the past year. He claims that he took our relationship as "serious" back in November and ever since, he's become a verbally abusive partner... Now the question is why? Things haven't always been great but why is there now a level of abuse? He claims that my personality is the reason for him calling me "retarded" and saying that I'll never amount to anything in life. He sometimes says that he's only with me because he "feels bad" for me. If that's the case then what was the purpose of staying for 3 years?

Now, I've attempted to leave on 2 occassions. I packed my bags and made a ditch effort to my parents' house... well... that sends him into an emotional frenzy. He will cry and cry and start puking all over himself to the point where I think he's going to change. And yes! I know! This sounds like a typical battered wife syndrome! Trust me... it feels like I'm being abused, especially when he doesn't let me leave the apartment. There's also "going to be a problem if you try to leave" and that makes me want to leave even more. But a part of me likes the sweet man that comes out of the angry tyrant and I keep kicking myself in the tush for it.

I don't know what my boyfriend really thinks or feels. I mean, he is bipolar and I'm not trying to generalize, but I can't see the truth because the messages change. It's almost like seeing the bright sun over my head and then suddenly it begins to rain and you're left wondering what just happened... I thought it was going to be a nice day.

i completely understand what your going through I'm going through kinda the sAme thing with my fiance of 20 months everything was great and still is at times but I feel lonely and unloved by her for the most part I dont want to leave her because I love her and I'm holding onto the good times that we have had but I wonder every day If she loves me like she says or am I just wasting my time.

[kaliope]

so you have two things going on here. you have the emotional abuse and you have the mood swings due to bipolar. neither one is likely to change. how long do you want to live this way? are you happy living this way? my advice is to go to some groups at a domestic violence shelter so you can educate yourself on the cycle of abuse. get some strength to decide if that is what you really want to live with. put together a pro/con list on the relationship. which side has more? really think about what is going to bring you happiness. take care

[soccerdad]

Originally Posted by Garrett90

But a part of me likes the sweet man that comes out of the angry tyrant and I keep kicking myself in the tush for it.

Even boiled cabbage tastes great if all you've been fed before was ****. You have already come out and said that you are unhappy so you should leave. Also if your parents are there to support you then I would do it because that support can disappear and then you can become stuck.

[ChipperMonkey]

Can you have your parents come over and help you move out? If you do it on your own, your boyfriend may get violent I am afraid as you said he prevents you from leaving the apartment. If your parents are there (or friends) then you will have more encouragement to leave and if things escalate, then you have support if you need to call the cops and such.

Edited to add...what he is doing amounts to imprisonment and as such is quite illegal. He cannot prevent you from leaving the apartment.

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by Garrett90

Alright, it's been a while since I posted on PsychCentral, but I figured I'd update my scenario to an extent.

I've been with my boyfriend for over 3 years now and things have dramatically changed within the past year. He claims that he took our relationship as "serious" back in November and ever since, he's become a verbally abusive partner... Now the question is why? Things haven't always been great but why is there now a level of abuse? He claims that my personality is the reason for him calling me "retarded" and saying that I'll never amount to anything in life. He sometimes says that he's only with me because he "feels bad" for me. If that's the case then what was the purpose of staying for 3 years?

Now, I've attempted to leave on 2 occassions. I packed my bags and made a ditch effort to my parents' house... well... that sends him into an emotional frenzy. He will cry and cry and start puking all over himself to the point where I think he's going to change. And yes! I know! This sounds like a typical battered wife syndrome! Trust me... it feels like I'm being abused, especially when he doesn't let me leave the apartment. There's also "going to be a problem if you try to leave" and that makes me want to leave even more. But a part of me likes the sweet man that comes out of the angry tyrant and I keep kicking myself in the tush for it.

I don't know what my boyfriend really thinks or feels. I mean, he is bipolar and I'm not trying to generalize, but I can't see the truth because the messages change. It's almost like seeing the bright sun over my head and then suddenly it begins to rain and you're left wondering what just happened... I thought it was going to be a nice day.

Regardless of whatever diagnosed illness he has, it's no excuse for such behavior. I know a couple people irl, with bipolar disorder, one in particular, a relative, wouldn't dream of behaving like this.

I'm not even bipolar and feel a bit triggered at there being more than one thread.

My exh has a comorbid condition with his bipolar disorder. One disorder, creates a rush of energy and a deep depression, the other condition, well, without a good dose of self awareness can spark rage, and a third suggested disorder leads to the inability to not stop certain thought processes.

A perfect trifecta of disastrous relationship patterns. I can analyze him, until the cows come home, and feel compassionate for his experience as a human being. Doesn't make my living with him, safe. With me, I heighten that experience for him, bringing out the best in him along with the worst. And when it's bad, it's not just very bad, it's very dangerous. Regardless of the lost little boy trying to get out, he's still like a wild animal left unattended and to his own devices.

I'm not into taking in wild animals anymore than I'm into rescuing those that are a toxin for me. He's not all bad, but it's safer to be separated.

Guess it just takes a shove down a flight of stairs and angry phone calls every five minutes for seven hours to accept a wake up call.

He's only nice because he's scared of losing his emotional punching bag. Not because he's scared of losing you.

[lilypup]

I hate to be a broken record but move on. You are too young.

[LookingforCalm]

I agree with the others. This guy wants you to be his punching bag. I am actually trying my best to move on from my own!
I'm so sorry for what you are going through, and can relate. Please don't think that you can't move on, because you can. The fact that you reached out here shows that you want to do the right thing, but sometimes that "right thing" can hurt like hell.
Don't let him control you. Please get with someone you trust to help you, like your parents. The longer you wait, the more isolated you'll feel and the harder it will be.

Good luck!

[A Red Panda]

I have bipolar disorder. I am not abusive, in any way.

Being abusive and having bipolar are two totally separate things.

If he's abusive, it doesn't matter WHEN he is being that way - it means he is abusive.

His throwing up and whatnot? What a great act he's got! Really, the throwing up is quite a unique tactic. But like everyone above, including you, knows is that he's just doing this to keep you there - he wouldn't feel like he has any power if you were gone.

You deserve way better than that. It sounds like you already know what you want to do! Trust yourself!