[+Fight+The+Illness+]

Greetings Sweet-Hearted and Gentle-People,

So I'm having a tad bit of an "issue" with a certain man at my university. If you look back at my previous threads, I talk about my social anxiety and my Spanish class and all the complications associated with that situation. Well here's the thing:

We've been getting along quite well since the beginning of the semester (which started in mid-August). You know, I go to his office and we just have casual conversations and things like that. I'm pretty good at computers so whenever he has problems with his, I help him out. And he's been such a kind person to me b/c of my social anxiety. We talk about our families, likes and dislikes, and just normal stuff that friends would talk about.

The thing is, ever since I told him about my social anxiety, that's when we started to get really close. Now, a close relationship between a student and professor is kind of normal to an extent; but a romantic relationship? ...Not so much.

I mean, I've gotten to know him quite well in a relatively short period of time and I feel strongly that he has good intentions. Like I've said, he's been so kind to me and has gone SO far out of his way just to help me and just talk with me. But the big problem is the whole age thing. If I did the math right, we're 14 years apart...so yeah.

But the thing that's really troubling me about this whole situation is my past in the romantic area of things. A few years ago, I had my very first boyfriend. We dated for about a year and we were so close. I knew that he had issues in his life and we helped each other in such big ways with each of our issues b/c our families weren't/aren't exactly supportive.

But in February 2008, my boyfriend committed suicide. I haven't been in a relationship since then. And it scares me that I know that someone is romantically interested in me and I'm just really scared/confused. I don't know what to do.

Please help.

[unaluna]

So you think your prof is romantically interested in you? Against the rules at most universities. Or is it that you are having feelings for him? Hard to tell from your post what the issue is, aside from your reluctance due to your prev unfortunate experience?

[Perna]

With your experience and background, I would not take on a man 14 years older than I was in a romantic relationship if only because of the experiences differences. A man in his 30's is going to have had a lot more experience, might have other love interests or be married, have been married/divorced, etc. lots of headaches for you there, I think, and no way to "catch up". I'd work on finding a student closer to your age and background to learn/"practice" dating on and getting to know romatically?

[HowDoYouFeelMeow?]

Professors should not have romantic relationships with students! Even ex-students should be avoided.

[hvert]

I'm sorry that you've had such a hard history with romantic relationships. It must have been really hard to lose someone you were close to.

If you think there is romantic interest, on your part or his, I would back away a bit from this relationship. Given the student/professor dynamic, a romantic relationship is not a good idea. It seems natural that you would be getting nervous and feel troubled about this. Instead of fighting those feelings, I would listen to them.