I love my family very much and they have done many positive things for me such as sending me to college, helping me out with studying, helping me out in times that I needed something, going to different things that I was interested in, taking trips with me as a kid to places that I wanted to go, and all in all in many ways they seem like wonderful people and they are. Also, at times, I have enjoyed spending time with them and generally have gotten the read that they cared about me as they have helped me with many things in my life.

However, the other side to it is that at times, they have said many things that have really haunted me and made me question them and their intentions. Firstly, although they do a lot of great things they used to frequently tout themselves as being "the best parents on Earth" and "you could have never asked for more" or "we treat you like royalty" and things of the sort. Also, during arguments they always say things like "get somebody else to pay your rent" and on one occasion as a young teen I was even told, "You need us but we don't need you".

Then, in my teen years was when things started to get out of hand as far as getting along with them. On one particular occasion was when I really was forced to wonder what the hell was really going on with them. I came home from a birthday party for a nephew (I was 15, he was 13). There were other teenagers there and as teenage boys we started making a lot of inappropriate sophomoric jokes. In a way, as the uncle of these slightly younger teenagers, I felt bad for joining in with their immature and crude humor. One kid had brought his younger brother but he wasn't even around when we were making the crude jokes. If he did hear any of it, he probably paid little to no attention as he was off doing his own thing. Feeling bad about joining in with the younger kids in their immature humor, I told my parents about it. They were FURIOUS and I mean FURIOUS. My mother told me that I was hopeless and that she would do nothing about it. She essentially told me she gave up on me completely but then for reasons unknown to me the next day it faded into the background and I was expected to forget all about it and her reaction (although I never did)

Then, as I got older I had some mental health difficulties to which although in principle I think that they have been supportive of me regardless, whenever I would say anything about life not being worth living or something of the sort, I was told that I was manipulating them (as I would admittedly bring it up often during arguments). In thinking I was manipulating them once during a moment of frustration my mother threatened to throw me out of the house if I said it again. Though I did say it again much later on and that never happened.

As time went on, I kind of forgot those instances, but then I went to a talk on mental illness. The speaker had been engaged in self injurious behavior (which I have not) and suffered from severe, even suicidal depression (which I unfortunately have dealt with at times). He essentially was advocating that people who struggle with issues such as this should be accepted. I told my mother about this talk as it inspired me greatly, but instead of being met with agreement, she agreed with the message but told me to "keep my distance" from this guy. I said to her, "You might not feel that way if it was someone in your family" to which she said that she still would have to "keep her distance" although she insisted she would still care about the person. Of course, she was insisting I was talking about myself (which I was). I became angry with her response and repeatedly called her an awful person that night as a result of her telling me she would distance herself from someone in the family with such difficulties all the while insisting I was talking about myself. Later in the evening, due to her callous response to this, I said, "basically your telling me that if someone in the family did this, you would simply shun the person". She responded, "It might look like that, but my heart would really go out to them". Needless to say, it took me a long time to share anything at all with them after that.

However, as time went on, I did share things with them about my bouts of depression due to life circumstances and other concerns that I had. I have even told them things about some things that would seem strange or insane to many, if not most people which they handled very well. They have insisted that they are there for me and wouldn't turn their backs but after some of the things they have said to me I kind of question it at times due to that conversation I had with them after that talk. I've talked about a lot of different stuff with them regarding problems that I have experienced and they insist that if I ever go through a difficult time again that they will be there for me. I have at times dealt with some of the issues I have experienced in the past and when I told them about it, they did not "shun" me but on one occasion, I was feeling very hopeless and mentioned "ending it all" to which my mother, although sympathetic, told me that I must not care about her for saying things like this repeatedly and was talking about how I was making her suffer by telling her these sorts of things so much. The thing is that in time after the talk, they have been assuring me that they will stand behind me even if I have difficulties with my mental health.

P.S. I am not currently depressed or suicidal and haven't been depressed in quite a while and suicide has not crossed my mind since a long time ago, but I am unsure of how to proceed with my family and if these sound like people that I could ever trust because frankly no matter how much they tell me I can trust them, I am still not sure at times. I really want to get along with them, but whenever I bring any of this up, they may offer a half hearted apology (on rare occasion) but generally the just become angry with me for bringing it up. If anyone has any advice on this situation it would be much appreciated.

[hvert]

Since you know that you won't get the supportive reaction you want, I would stop bringing up these things with your family. It would be better to find friends or professionals who are more willing to hear you out on these matters.

I know that as I get older, I find that it is just easier to share less with my parents. They will always have an opinion about what they think their kid should do/be like. A friend doesn't have that same judgment laden attitude.

What I don't get is how they can talk to me on the phone for hours about different difficulties I may have and at times even offered things like coming up from a thousand miles away to help me finish when I was having serious difficulties and yet they still think it's okay to say hurtful, mean things like this. The thing I'm wondering is can I count on their "support" that they have offered me in dealing with my difficulties or is it just a matter of time before something comes up that tics them off and they just walk out of my life. They assure me that this won't happen and that they are always "there for me" but these callous remarks and attitude I get from them makes me wonder

[hvert]

I don't think they would walk away from you if they are so supportive in other ways. From what you wrote, it sounds like they really care about you but sometimes just say stupid things or don't really understand where you are coming from. That's just my opinion, for what it is worth.

[healingme4me]

I'd find a trained professional to discuss depression and suicidal ideation with. As much, as you can get support from your family, It's not fair to them or even you, to expect therapy help, from anyone but a trained professional.

I'd direct any of my sons in that direction.