[cool09]

I'm kind of shocked that my brothers don't show any support or empathy. I never did get it. Is it OK for them to be that way if they're busy with their own lives? (That's how my father explains it. He doesn't say it's OK but tells me they're very busy with families.) I can't come to terms with that. I have no idea how other people with problems are treated by siblings.

[~Christina]

Im 47 and my brother is 52 .. When I was diagnosed 4 years ago and I told him .. he said .. "Yeah I kinda figured you were" lol ... Hes supportive but he lives 750 miles away we talk pretty often...Both our parents passed on when I was in my early 30's so I dont know what they would have thought.

I hope that eventually your brothers will show some support to you

[dedicated]

Sometimes it's better to receive support from friends than siblings. I left California where I lived in the same city with 3 siblings with their own family just to look for a job. I live here in Kansas for over 3 years now as a complete stranger where I found job related to my career. My youngest sister with good job in the state government were living in my house which I left for foreclosure didn't pay her utilities. Collection agencies were sending me her bills. My other sister defended her.

How did my siblings treat me? They caused me emotional pains! They mistreated me big time! I never heard from them for over 3 years now. My entire family gather together during birthdays and holidays, wish they would video call with me so I can feel that I am with their celebration. Not even phone call that I received during those days.

Maybe, I expected too much from them? I realized it's OK that they had forgotten me because they are raising their kids properly, at least I am no longer there with them that I may had caused them pains if I would not had found job there. I am satisfied here, I have several good friends who are checking up on me every now and then.

I am happy that my nephews and nieces are doing great in college/school. I feel bad that I was not able to help them out financially.

Maybe they are supporting you but it may not be the way you expected. At least, your father is there to support you.

[A Red Panda]

One of my siblings has ignored my existence my whole life (they lived with their mom).
One of my siblings has always been verbally and emotionally abusive.
One of my siblings has reconnected - I know they care, but there's never been a whole lot there as we live far away from each other.

So... two out of 3 I have zero contact with. I'd never seek support from the 3rd as he has enough going on in his life, and I can't stand the thought of anyone in my family knowing. I'd be ok with just him, but I don't think it would be very fair to burden him with it and ask him to keep it secret.

[HealingTimes]

My siblings treat me like I am something they trod in and has stuck to the bottom of their shoe.

[Koko2]

If only my siblings were busy with their own lives. They can't formulate their own goals and priorities, so they co-opt mine. Here's the rub. They anticipate where I'm heading by scouting for information, get there first because they're wealthy and can throw money around, and act like they're the maverick original. If I start wearing clothing article A, they'll start wearing clothing wardrobe A. If I plan to move to city A, they'll move to city A before I'm able to. It's the spiritual equivalent of stealing the shirt off of someone's back except by stealth because they make it appear that I'm the one adopting their hand-me-downs. Then they hand me the six-pack of pity like in the movie the Truman Show, except in the movie, the false friend didn't actually go to Tahiti himself.

[guilloche]

In a perfect world, siblings would be totally connected, understanding, supportive and wonderful. And, you'd do the same for them.

But, unfortunately, the world isn't perfect. Families aren't perfect, and people aren't perfect. It doesn't actually mean they're doing anything wrong... they may just not connect with you, they may be stressed/overwhelmed with their own problems, they may be selfish idiots who don't know what you're going through.

"It is what it is." (Yeah, everyone hates that phrase, but there it is!)

My siblings... I've got a sister who I love and adore, and who is generally very supportive, but also (recently) very busy at a high stress job. We used to talk more often, and I miss talking to her... but her job is alot of hours and super high stress, so I know that the lack of connection right now isn't personal. If I really needed something, I know she'd be there for me (and vice versa).

I have a younger brother that I care about, but am not close to, because he's an addict. There have been several years at a time where I didn't know how to reach him, and didn't talk to him. I keep up with him by checking the website for the county jail. I'm trying, this year, to reach out a bit more to him as we're getting older... but it's hard, as we don't have alot to talk about.

[lilypup]

My half brother is always in and out of prison for domestic violence. I send him care packages, books, and talk to him on the phone. He is pretty worthless as a brother.

[Livelonginspired]

I have two older siblings. They treat me "like a child" because they're older than me; they refuse to acknowledge that I'm an adult just as wise, developed and experienced (if not more) as they are. They have expectations of me that have nothing to do with what I want/need out of life, and almost anything I say that proves I'm not a "little girl" (anything deeply philosophical, intellectual, saying that I'm in a relationship, etc.) is either funny or disturbing to them. Or both. I use to find the whole "You'll always be a baby to me" thing flattering and kinda sweet from my relatives, but that mentality has been detrimental to our relationships. Freezing their perspectives of me in the past is just silly and now we don't even know each other. Or want to.

What makes it even stranger is that they weren't really involved in my life when I was growing up. They didn't know me then and they haven't really witnessed me grow and become who I am now.

In no way that COUNTS are they my siblings.

[cool09]

Wow. Interesting dynamics and intense stories. Thanks for sharing them.

they refuse to acknowledge that I'm an adult just as wise, developed and experienced (if not more) as they are.

I see that in my youngest brother sometimes. (He is 8 yrs younger.) I see how I might have shaped him. From the moment he was little I teased him and he was scrappy and defensive thru it all. I still see that in him. He has a strong constitution and has turned into a hard worker and great family man. I don't know if he has any bad feelings towards me because no one in the family talks about those things. Everyone avoids the pink elephant in the room all of the time. But we pretend that we're all close. Very strange.

[NWgirl2013]

I am reeling from a blow from the only sibling I will even speak to, who actually stole from me while I was in the hospital last month. That makes 3 older siblings who all treated me Really Badly. So... she is the last connection I had to family and her actions just hurt too much. I was too trusting I guess.
I always wished I had that family that got along. Oh well...

[Trippin2.0]

My eldest brother was thee best man who ever lived he treated me like a person since the day I was born, listened to me like I mattered even when I was very little and was always ready to guide me and support me, he was always rescuing me.
May he RIP.

My surviving siblings do care, but they're not always really equipped to demonstrate the type of support I need...

My eldest sister (15 years my senior) forgets I'm 30 and is continuously surprised at my advice to her regarding her husband. (I'm single)
She tries to be supportive, but is mostly too wrapped up in her own drama to be of any real emotional use to me. To her its easier to hand me some cash and catch up in a few week's time. I appreciate the fact that she's been willing and able to help me out financially in the past, but talking about ME for more than 3 minutes would be most welcome too.

Then there's my (12 years) older sister, we never got along while I was growing up, as I replaced her as the baby girl in the family hierarchy, but we've been doing much better in recent years, and have managed to build a relationship with one another, almost a friendship, but not quite.

My issue with her is that I have very poor boundaries and she's an opportunist...
So while I offer "A", I end up doing or giving "A-Z" and then kick myself for weeks for being roped in.

She however has surprisingly been reading up on my BP and checks in quite regularly, and best of all? She doesn't say patronizing things in hopes of making me feel better. She sticks to what she knows and offers me spiritual support, which I appreciate immensely.

My younger brother, we've become quite close over the past few years, he's actually one of my best friends. It's been a strange experience watching him mature into a young man, and taking on his new role as head of the household, after our father died.

He is not verbally supportive, but when BP depression is kicking my butt, he instinctively gives me space when I need it, or knows when I need to be forced out of isolation by encouraging me to watch comedies with him, to get me out of my own head. This is also the time when he helps out with my daughter. I have no idea how to begin describing the level of gratitude I have for this young man.

Why I posted a novel?

Even though I don't always get the type of support I seek, I do make a point of validating and appreciating the kind that is available to me.

Took a while for me to even be able to recognize these alternate support styles though.