[Azwraith]

Hello everyone.
Since I was very young, my parents were aways fighting. My mom was aways threatenning my dad and us from leaving and going away. I felt abandonned and extremelly insecure. I couldn't live without my mom. So I became obsessed with her. She couldn't even take the trash outside. I had to go with her to make sure she wouldn't run away and abandon us. Everywhere she went, I had to be with her. I even slept in her bed between her and my dad for several years. Well, once I grew up, past the teenage years, this "phobia" ended, but I think this trauma was transferred to my relationships with girls.
When I meet a girl that I like, I tend to get extremelly emotionally attached to her. I can't think of anything but her, and I feel really insecure if she isn't by my side or specially if I am not sure that she likes me back. I have to know and feel that she loves me all the time, and that she won't abandon me! And when it doesn't work out, I grieve too much. For example:
I was in a technician course, and met a girl from my class. We became great friends, and I ended up liking her, but she had a boyfriend (I felt really bad for liking her). But she gave up on the course. And then I couldn't deal with the fact that I wouldn't see her anymore. I cried and locked myself in my room for several days, and everything lost its sense and became grey and depressive. I couldn't even stand going to the course, because everything remembered me of her. But I didn't had anything with her, not even a relationship. We were just friends! I notice that every people suffer in relationships, but the ammount of pain, grief and suffering I go through is meteoric compared to normal persons. It has been a year since she left, and I still can't stop thinking of her and hurting, feeling depressed and lost and sometimes even crying. I tend to just listen to sad music and day dream that we are together. But she is not the only example. When I broke up with my last girlfriend, I took 2 years to get over her. 2 years!
I couldn't stand the fact of never being with her again. I would very much prefer to have a limb ripped apart from me than have to deal with this excrutiating emotional pain that never goes away.
I really think this has to do with the issues I had with my mom in the past, but I am not completelly sure. I have heard this is called Fear of Abandonment, and that I also have to learn about the importance of personal boundaries.
Can anyone help me on how not to suffer so much from relationships? I don't know what to do, as I am growing afraid of approaching girls, since I can't stand this kind of suffering anymore.

[hvert]

I'm sorry, I don't have any experience with this, but hopefully someone else will. It does sound like a frustrating problem. Have things gotten any better as you've gotten older?

It's interesting that it took two years to get over your ex even though you were the one to break things off -- do you think it would have made a difference if she had been the one to end it?

I hope someone else chimes in with some good ideas.

[Azwraith]

Originally Posted by hvert

I'm sorry, I don't have any experience with this, but hopefully someone else will. It does sound like a frustrating problem. Have things gotten any better as you've gotten older?

It's interesting that it took two years to get over your ex even though you were the one to break things off -- do you think it would have made a difference if she had been the one to end it?

I hope someone else chimes in with some good ideas.

Thank you for your reply, friend.
And not really. To be honest, I think they are getting worse, since I don't really feel safe anymore for a relationship. I'm growing more and more reluctant to approach women again.

I don't think it would make any difference if she had ended it. It is the separation itself that troubles me, not how it hapenned.

Thanks again