should i be worried?

My boyfriend and i have been together for just about three years now. About five years ago he was very close to this other girl, he considered her his best friend. This girl was his good friends sister. She really liked him when they were close friends but something happened and they quit being friends for a while. My boyfriend developed an addiction in the past six months and is trying his hardest to overcome it. He is taking every step he can - going to outpatient and NA meetings. He has been very honest and truthful and open in the 120 days he has been sober. Things have been better than ever.

However, this girl has decided to step back into his life. She calls him and talks to him and texts him and calls him pet names. I have expressed my feelings about her to him before - she makes me feel inadequate. She is pretty, has a cute baby voice, and is exceptionally fit. Ive asked him many times to please tone down the talking to her (because i was jealous, but i didnt let him know that. Mostly it was because of the pet names and because i know about her past feelings). Well, just the other day she had posted on social networking saying that she "needed him" and used one of the pet names she has for him. I confronted him immediatelyand he said they had been talking. I tried to express that it didnt feel right that she needed him and the pet names were overstepping boundries and he said i was accusing them of things. He started saying that it was ok and that he loved me.

The nexy day i was with him. I apologized for arguing about it and so did he. We were cuddling and he called me honey, then he went to call me another name and what he started to say had sounded like her name until he caught himself. We had sex and he couldnt finish, he said he had a headache. He fell asleep and i was curious to see the text messages between them. There were none there. I went to his photos with hopes that maybe he screenshotted them and found a pictuee he took of her sitting on the floor in his bedroom. It seemed he was a respectful distance from her and she was fully clothed. But it was taken the day i had asked if they were talking. He failed to mention to me that she even came over. On top of that, they were in his room - im the only girl who has ever been in his room until now.

He says that she just needed to talk and vent to someone. But i dont understand why it had to be my boyfriend. And i dont understand why they were in his room when they easily could have been downstairs. He says nothing happened, that all he did was talk to her and be there for her. But i cant shake this feeling that something went on that he isnt telling me about. I swear i heard him start to say her name and then correct himself. And when he initiated sex and i gave in, and he couldnt finish, i just felt like something was wrong with me. I am so nervous that he is lying to me again. I dont think i can relive the past six months again. Do yoi think i can trust him? Or is there any precautions and steps i can take to figure out if hes lying without going straight to the girl? He held me really close to him and wouldnt let me leave, promising it was nothing and he would never have her over again. He told me how much he loved me and wouldn't give me up after all that we have been through. I just want to know if i should trust him or if i am going insane. I really love this guy and this situation is scaring me.

First off, welcome to Psych Central.

I did read all that; it was actually extremely gripping. I wish I knew what to say! Personally, I'd most definitely be worried, but we're only getting one side of the story, you see, so I could be missing something. I don't know this guy nor his history, so I can't really comment on that, either. Has he cheated before? Does he have a habit of being dishonest? It might well be that while they haven't done anything wrong, they may be getting closer and closer and closer... that would definitely make me paranoid.

His inability to... y'know... thingy, doesn't necessarily mean anything, but it could've been guilt and/or anxiety, or maybe he was just tired and it was nothing... the body works in weird ways, for women, too! xD

How long have you two been together?

More to the point, why is that someone not you, his girlfriend? I realise some things are best left for others, and that it's no crime to talk to other people, but going to another woman to talk about stuff when he could just go to you, presuming you are understanding about whatever it is he wants to talk about, seems questionable, in my eyes.

I can certainly understand your suspicions, but then I'm pretty cynical.