[hamster-bamster]

I am posting to solicit feedback for my MH advocacy page on FB. This post is duplicated on the Relationships & Communications and on the Other Mental Health Discussion forums.

The link https://www.facebook.com/pages/Livin...70022196607489

The text is pasted below. It is FB, so I am trying to be as succinct as possible. Does this post address the issue on a high level, without getting into details? Thanks.

***

A very common question on mental health forums is when and how to tell about your mental illness in the context of dating.

There is absolutely no rule of thumb here, but please remember that your mental illness is not something that you HAVE TO disclose - rather, it is your confidential, private medical information, and therefore, it should be handled in the same way confidential info is supposed to be handled, i.e. access to it should be given on a need-to-know basis. YOU would be the one determining if there is a need to know. If you are about to move in with the partner, it is one thing, but if you have only gone to see the movies together once, it is a different story.

Some people prefer to lay it all out right away. As long as it is done out of a PREFERENCE for being upfront and open, and not out of a misconceived notion of having an OBLIGATION to tell, that is a valid approach.

Please treat the fact of your mental illness as private health data and not as a dirty secret. The words "confess", "confession," "fess up" should not apply to mental illness as your diagnoses are not crimes or transgressions.

[hvert]

I think that gets your point across well.

[Rose76]

Very well expressed.

[hamster-bamster]

Many thanks. I really appreciate the feedback. Since it is a MH topic, people on FB may read (I see likes for the page itself, so somebody must be reading), but not comment, out of concern for confidentiality, so it is only here that I can get honest opinions.

[hvert]

Yeah, Facebook seems like a challenging platform to get feedback. I like being anonymous

[hamster-bamster]

Of course. I use a pen name for this project.

[IchbinkeinTeufel]

Thanks for that; I like it; I'm just having trouble accepting it as truth. It would very much feel like a confession for me. I've seen the reaction of "normal" women to mental health, and believe me, it wasn't pretty. Long story short, 99% of them (arbitrary figure, but was a lot) that replied (dating site with "normal" women) made it pretty clear they would have nothing to do with a guy who had MH issues. Some of them were disgustingly rude and so ignorant.

[hamster-bamster]

Oh, yeah, ignorance. One man told me that he heard that bipolar people, when manic, have sex like rabbits. I was taken aback and did not tell him about bipolar - I told him that I had depression and anxiety, which absolutely was no problem for him and he told me that he used to take Prozac and benzos, so he is in the know.

Thanks for bringing it up - I completely forgot that there is MI and MI. In California, I have witnessed for many years that the classic D&A (Depression and Anxiety) is what I call "the new norm", but bipolar and psychosis are not.

Do you think that this divide - that D&A are respectable but the rest is not - is true nationwide?

The man who himself took Prozac but made such an ignorant remark about bipolar was from California. I had distant acquaintances tell me about their D&A during casual lunches where such disclosure was absolutely unnecessary. Many of our local "hi-tech celebs" are openly blogging about Depression. ADHD is also becoming pretty accepted.

I really wonder if this is a local phenomenon.

[tradika]

Well, bipolar disorder is a lot rarer than depression or anxiety diagnoses. Thus, you have weird stereotypes.

Depression is also very over diagnosed. I cannot see a doctor’s justification in giving someone medication when they have only experienced a couple mild depressions. I have also seen where they prescribed these people antidepressants and Abilify because for some reason their depression didn’t go away! I wonder why. Opps, maybe it’s because mildly depressed people aren’t as likely to respond! Enjoy the weird side effects and shorter lifespan!

Also, the fact that MDD is so common is a double edged sword in another way. I have heard so many people state that it’s no big deal and the person isn’t suffering that much. They have obviously never met a person with severe treatment resistant depression or psychotic depression. Their suffering is real. It can cause as much disability as bipolar disorder can. It’s just packaged a little differently. These people need hugs too!

[hamster-bamster]

I see your point about the double-edged sword - the lesser stigma associated with depression also means being taken less seriously.

Lose-lose, huh?

[inanimateobjects]

i think you addressed the issue clearly. i probably don't have the response you are looking for, though. i don't necessarily have a mental illness dx i do have a history of self injury. while it may be easy to hide the crazy, as i like to put it, there is only so much i can do to hide the physical scars it has left behind. i'm not quite sure what the right way is to approach the topic and it is a major source of anxiety for me when i am considering any new relationships. i have tried a few methods. with some i will be upfront and have a short conversation about them. others i have said nothing and waited for the person to ask about the scars and then explain myself. i haven't figured out what is the best way to deal with it, but it is going to happen because there is only so much i can hide. for this reason i tend to stay away from close relationships from the start.

[JamesO2]

I want to say that I like this facebook page, and feel like the message is really clear.

I'm not 100% open about my bipolar. Yet. I'm getting there. I recently had to disclose to my girlfriend my mental illness. Unfortunately it had to be during a week long rapid-cycling episode. At the time, I was so afraid she'd think I was insane. But she's been really loving and supportive.

Its not easy to disclose that kind of information to everyone. Because frankly, not everyone is mature enough to treat suffering individuals with kindness and respect, and instead admonish them with fear and judgement. That's just the world we live in.

But I try to do my part by spreading understanding and awareness.